If your mate cheated on you, could you forgive? (page 6)

Crumpet

Don't understand why some can forgive if it's just sex as long as they love you. Self says, "if you love me, then wtf. Is this how you show it to me?" Some might say it's just f***ing or that it was just a tangent and I don't understand that either. Perhaps I'm naive. Perhaps I've made bad choices. Both probably.

twitch - this made me wonder - well is it loving to expect someone only to ever have sex with you. Isn't it more loving to allow a measure of freedom. We only get one life and I know if I had to spend it having sex with the same person since I was 16 I'd have died of boredom by now. However I dont see why my desire for multiple partners shoudl exclude me from a loving relationship either.

That said I dont know if I am generous enough to adopt this position personally.

BFD

After 17 years in a relationship, I found out that my partner was cheating. I did not continue the relationship. Trust is too important and he lost my trust. Now if it were just a one night stand or whatever I might have been able to get over it and move forward but, it was more involved than that and I was told too many lies. I felt stupid and betrayed. So, I had to go. That was 10 years ago and I am still single and a little less gay.

BFD

found-my-way

Don't understand why some can forgive if it's just sex as long as they love you. Self says, "if you love me, then wtf. Is this how you show it to me?" Some might say it's just f***ing or that it was just a tangent and I don't understand that either. Perhaps I'm naive. Perhaps I've made bad choices. Both probably.- twitch
twitch - this made me wonder - well is it loving to expect someone only to ever have sex with you. Isn't it more loving to allow a measure of freedom. We only get one life and I know if I had to spend it having sex with the same person since I was 16 I'd have died of boredom by now. However I dont see why my desire for multiple partners shoudl exclude me from a loving relationship either. -crumpet

There are those who are meant to be in monogamous relationships, and there are others who need to have the variety of multiple partners, who would feel stiffled with being with only one person. In the animal kingdom, there are animals that have mutltiple mates, and/or have a different mate every mating season, and animals that have one mate for life. It's no different for the human species, I guess.

Xena

onlycurious you pretty much summed up my feelings regarding this issue. With one exception:

The trust would never fully be restored.

I think it can be, but it's not easy or fast.

PEC

If someone cheats once and is forgiven, he/she will cheat again. If you forgive once, you will have another chance to forgive and another and another...

I would never under and circumstances cheat and that is what I expect from my mate.

Philip

Xena

If someone cheats once and is forgiven, he/she will cheat again.

And your basis for this absolute statement?

onlycurious

Xena,

I would imagine it could be restored but it would certainly take A LOT. I have never really been through this and truly don't think I am going to have to go through it. I don't have any reason to doubt my husband as he is careful with boundaries and we are very respectful in this area. Neither one of us are flirtatous with the opposite sex.

Which leads me to this question:

We are all referring to cheating as being with someone else in a heterosexual relationship. Would any of your feeling change if you found out your spouse was with someone of the SAME sex? Sorry, that would be IT for me.

Crumpet

Would any of your feeling change if you found out your spouse was with someone of the SAME sex? Sorry, that would be IT for me.

My partner was the other way round - he didn't mind me having flings with girls as long as I was fairly discreet but objected strongly to any dalliances with men.

I don't think I could have a serious relationship with a man who was bi-sexual.

PEC

And your basis for this absolute statement?

Cheaters that I know personally. If you forgive you become a enabler.

Xena

Would any of your feeling change if you found out your spouse was with someone of the SAME sex?

Actually had that happen with a boyfriend. He ended up being gay and was using me as a smokescreen for his family. Though he did say I was one of the few women he found attractive. Not sure if that ment I was mannish or really attractive. Needless to say it was over but that was not so much due to the cheating as to him being gay.

If your mate cheated on you, could you forgive?

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