Trust is just too big an issue for me to let this kind of betrayal slide. If he wants someone else he is free to go.
If your mate cheated on you, could you forgive?
by avidbiblereader 106 Replies latest watchtower scandals
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stillajwexelder
Lola has a question, for those of you that have had your mates cheat on you, what bothered you the most the fact that they had sex with someone else or the fact that they lied to you?
Lying - trust
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Hannah
This topic reminded me of something I came across the other day on the web. It's a boyfriends public revenge on a cheating girlfriend that happened live on the radio. Pretty ruthless stuff if you as me.
I listened to the link above Drew provided. Boy, was that ever a harse thing to do to someone especially over the radio! Talk about revenge....sheesh.
Anyway, depending on the circumstances I think I could forgive.
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seawolf
I think it would depend on what exactly was done, who it was done with, how long it went on, how much she lied, etc. too many variables to give a definite answer one way or the other....but I'd like to think it could be worked out and put past us.
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crazyblondeb
Been there, done that!!!!!! That was the ultimate betrayal!! It would have been easier if he had actually died.
Hence, the foley catheter incident................................
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Junction-Guy
What was the foley catheter incident?
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Hortensia
I agree with mama1119 that I might feel bad for a bit, but I would cut my losses and move on. The problem isn't sex - I don't have any problem with someone having sex with more than one partner, as long as no lies are told and no promises broken. If you get married you've made a promise to forsake all others. So the problem is really with trust - once the trust is damaged it is hard to restore.
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Twitch
Never cheated in a committed relationship
Found evidence of a girlfriends' "affair" with a former boyfriend once. She lied about it. Said what i had to. Forgave her but never trusted her again. It didn't work out. We're still friends to some degree. An exception that proves the rule, i suppose.
Don't understand why some can forgive if it's just sex as long as they love you. Self says, "if you love me, then wtf. Is this how you show it to me?" Some might say it's just f***ing or that it was just a tangent and I don't understand that either. Perhaps I'm naive. Perhaps I've made bad choices. Both probably.
whatever the case, in answer of the question, i don't know. it has and likely would drive me crazy to think of the one i love with someone else. if that were the case, i think i should find someone who can return such feelings and/or loyalty. another's actions are not my fault. my actions are not someone else's fault.
but things are not always so simple,.....
ramblin' Twitch
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onlycurious
My father and I had this conversation right after I was married, almost 16 yrs ago. I stood firm on my position back then that if Gerry cheated on me I was out of there.
His response was not well understood at the time but I have a greater understanding now that I have some time under my belt.
He said that after being married to my mother for so many years, he wouldn't be willing to throw all those years away because of one mistake. It just wasn't worth it to him.
Now that I have endured through some very hard times with my man and have grown to love him in a much deeper way that I did when we first married, I understand this statement.
I think it is important to really weigh out many issues. It's very personal and shouldn't be blanketed with a 'yes' or 'no'. Until we've been there and really felt the pain of adultry, I don't really know that we understand the severity this has on a relationship.
I would want to take the life of both parties or have my husbands dealie on a platter. I would probably need a big time-out, lots of counselling and healing. The trust would never fully be restored.
I also would need to know if this was a one-night stand or a 'sneak behind my wife's back for an all-out affair" kind of fling. That spells out even more about a persons character.
It's also important to remember that each and every one of us is certainly capable of cheating. You've heard the saying, "There but for the grace of God go I."
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onlycurious
The sex with someone else would haunt me more than the lie. Way more.....I couldn't sleep. I actually have a bit of a psycho side that wouldn't be pretty. Honestly, it would eat me up inside.