I think I did a really bad thing. (page 5)

Anti-Christ

Emelyblue, hi. I have bean happely married for almost 10 years now and I maried for the right resons and I maried in the JW but now we are both out (faded out). Your boyfriend sounds like he is realy lost right now and it's understandable if he was raised in the "truth". I was lost for a while also. My advice is that he should get things right in his head before even thinking of geting in a serious relationship. As for you I believe you deserve much better and you should have much more respect for yourself. One more thing get out of that insane mind fu&*#g ~~religion~~ cult.

J-ex-W

Emily---------YES, they will hand over the information. He will, in a matter of weeks, be contacted by elders from his own congregation, if they have not heard from him within that time frame already. I would not tell him about the conversation. It's HIS bed to lie in--as in, he knows the 'rules' of the congregation/ denominatin he chooses to associate with.

He wants to skirt those rules with impunity for himself while expecting those around him (wives, girlfriends, children) to remain UNDER those same rules he flouts--for the purpose of remaining under HIS control. What goes around comes around. LET HIM FEEL THE FULL BRUNT OF CONSEQUENCES FOR HIS OWN BEHAVIOR. 'Protecting' him from the consequences of his own anti-social behavior only encourages more of the same from him, period.

DO NOT INTERFERE WITH THE PROCESS. HE NEEDS TO FACE UP TO HIS OWN BEHAVIOR. He is not trying to 'fade' so he can have his own life, he is trying to have his cake and eat it too--while trying to prevent you from even enjoying any cake at all.

Don't get sucked into the guilt, Hon. The guilt/ wrondoing is all on HIS head, not yours-------YOU are acting within the bounds of your own belief system (sex outside marriage = okay); he is NOT (sex outside marriage = NOT okay [doing it anyway, doesn't want to get caught]). Let him squirm. He needs to face up to some cold hard facts about who he is and what kind of a religious system he is dealing with. LET HIM DEAL. LET HIM LEARN from his own mistakes. Sometimes it's the only loving thing to do.

At the very least, it's the only thing to do here that is loving to YOU.

J-ex-W

He's more worried about ruining his reputation by dating you than being happy with you. That's what JWs thrive on - their reputation in the congregation.

Nosferatu is 100% correct about this. Truth behind the scenes does NOT matter...only image does. Period. It guarantees you will suffer in silence, unacknowledged/ unseen as long as you are with this man. Guaranteed. He IS an abuser. This religion protects the abuser--not the abused--every time. EVERY TIME. Save yourself, Hon!!!

J-ex-W

YOU did NOT do a 'bad thing.' YOU did a truthful, healthy and honest thing. He is the one behaving as a scoundrel--acting out of line with his belief system and expecting YOU to the carry the brunt of guilt/ consequences for him. Run, Sweetheart--run!!!

R.Crusoe

Just got the full gist from all the posts -my last one was premature - This guy you're with is in too deep for his own good and therefore the both of you. His mind is so full of information which is cemented in to his emotion that he's lost within himself. He really doesn't see things from your perspective - apart from in fits and starts. You can see he's haunted by his own biology. His mind has been put in complete CONFLICT with who he is as a human being. Best thing he could do is come with you and let you do the leading! Other than that I can't say -just my personal experience giving in depth wisdom respecting the CONFLICTS you're already revisiting. If it's gonna work you should both be dissolving them and building a life for each other and YOUR FUTURE IN THIS SHORT LIFE!

emilyblue

Well, I told him. I told him before I got home and read your post, J-ex-W. I told him over the phone because I am a big fat chicken. He didn't react as badly as I thought he would at first, but then he called me back after he had time to think about it, I guess. He said he couldn't trust me and that I would spill my guts to a perfect stranger. He told me it was none of my f-ing business to tell his business to anyone and asked me why I felt the need to broadcast our previous sex life to someone I don't even know. He asked me if I told her how many times I have a bowel movement, too. He said he could never trust me again and that I have no balance, because I tell lies to him (I lied to him once about how much a handbag cost - which I bought with my own money) yet I will air my dirty laundry to this woman. I tried over and over again to tell him that I never meant to give her his name; I just wasn't thinking, and he said that that was my problem - I never think and I never listen to him. He told me several times not to tell people at my Hall that I was dating him because it was none of their business. He said I really screwed him. Just for the record, even though I'm not a JW, I wasn't raised to think sex outside of marriage is ok. He asked me to marry him pretty early into the relationship, and I loved him so much and I thought we would be married soon, so I did it. I think that's one of the reasons why this is hurting so much.

Rabbit

Fred Hathaway...

(including being upfront with him, since the head of a woman is a man) and by continuing your spiritual progress, whether it means marrying him or ditching him. Remember that, if you marry him, you become under his law (this was the subject of yesterday's public Watchtower discussion).

...an active Witness just gave you 2 REAL IMPORTANT reasons why you might wanna consider running as fast as you can from any thought of becoming one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Your boyfriend sounds like he may have started having doubts about the JW's, but, he got scared back to the Kingdom Hall. Some of his actions seem to show he already thought you were 'under his law'. I hope you stick around to read hundreds of other stories about this very dangerous religion and how it destroys familes.

For instance: If you become a JW...you cannot ever leave without the risk of being shunned by everyone, including any children that you two may have. You'll also be required to die...rather than receive a life-saving blood transfusion. I lost my JW mother to the blood issue and my wife and children to shunning, because of my leaving JW's. I'm shunned by all.

Please remember the old adage: Look before you leap !

Rabbit

J-ex-W

If not you will be living the rest of your life feeling just as you do now!!
Gawd what a horrible thought, huh? Ex has hit the nail on the head!

TOO TRUE!!

J-ex-W

I know that I can't continue to live like this. There have been so many problems in our relationship, religious and otherwise. But I never wanted it to end like this, with him facing possible disfellowship and hating me for it. He has no one else to talk to in any kind of meaningful way. I just feel really bad about opening my mouth.

Honey, this is exactly the kind of INappropropriate guilt that kept me tethered to my abusive then inactive JW/ boyfriend -later turned abusive active JW/ husband. Don't be me twenty years down the line, Hon............just don't..................!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anti-Christ

Emely, you did not screw him he screwed himself and if he realy thinks that his personal life is no body elses business, he's in the wrong religion.

I think I did a really bad thing.

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