Emily, YOU have done nothing wrong - its not your fault your boyfriend lied and doesn't want you going to the same hall as him. There are alarm bells for you aren't there? He sounds mixed up and the more he sticks with the witnesses the worse he will get. Unless you get completely brainwashed too it will only get worse.
I think I did a really bad thing.
by emilyblue 83 Replies latest social relationships
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Gerard
RUN. Run like the wind!!!!!!
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Gerard
...he told me I was under demon attack because he was having bad dreams and hearing invisible cell phones ringing.
THIS is as good as it gets. I am serious.
I am sure that by now you have appreciated that to him, there is no compromise, no middle ground, no reasoning but only reactions based on implanted phobias.
Cut it out. Take the hit. Cut your losses and move on before he and the Watchtower REALLY beguins to screw your life, your mind, your spirit, your self steem and your immediate family relations.
Better cry for a month and move on than be afraid and misserable the rest of your life. Very important but very simple choice.
Respectfully,
Gerard
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asleif_dufansdottir
But I never wanted it to end like this, with him facing possible disfellowship and hating me for it. He has no one else to talk to in any kind of meaningful way.
He has No One to blame for this...not one, single, solitary person...except himself.
He KNEW that having a relationship with you was wrong in the eyes of the organization, and he did it *anyway*. Then he tried to hide it. Him hating *you* for it is just further proof (if any was needed) that he refuses to take any responsibility for his actions or accept the consequences of what he does without blaming others.
There's no point in feeling bad about the relationship ending on a bad note, because with a person like this there is no way to end it on a good one. He's always going to have something wrong in his life, and want people to pity him and treat him special...and get mad at them if they don't, and blame them for what's going wrong.
You can't fix him. You can't fix stupid. Only he can fix him and the best thing for you to do is cut ties to him and hope that, faced with no support system whatsover, he'll start to grow up.
Probably he won't. He'll find some other woman (in case you didn't already know this, there are many, many single women among JWs who are desperately hoping to find a JW man, any JW man, to marry - because they think it will somehow make their lives better - it doesn't) to dump all his problems on.
Let her be ex-wife #3 (or miserable wife #3). You dodge the bullet and have a better life!
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Navigator
I'm with Asleif on this one. Run don't walk to the nearest exit!
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emilyblue
All right. Thanks to all of you so much! I can't shake the feeling that I have stabbed him in the back by pouring out personal information to this woman. I guess at the time I just needed an ear and didn't think twice when she asked his last name. I called her back again and asked if he will find out that I told her those things. She said no, that his elders will not bring up names. They will ask him if there is anything he needs to talk to them about and go from there. She told me that her husband, who has been an elder for years and years, will talk to me Wednesday evening during bible study (if I actually go) and explain the judicial process to me so that I can have a better understanding of what takes place. I really can't wait until Wednesday, though. I'm going to go ahead and tell him tonight that I confided our personal stuff to this lady. He will get very angry, but I would rather just get it over with then worry about him finding out later. It makes me feel too much like a snake in the grass, knowing that he might get blindsided by his elders. She told me that if he only got reproved for his behavior, then he didn't tell his elders the complete story. I don't know enough about this whole process. At this point, I don't think I even want to know. I'll just tell the truth and I'm sure he'll set me free.
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Highlander
THIS is as good as it gets. I am serious.
gerard is dead on.
It will NOT get any better than what it is now. You are seeing a glimpse into the JW world. Please ask yourself if you want this type of insane drama to be a permanent
part of your life? It will only get worse from here on in. Do you want to raise kids in an enviornment like this? Is any of this healthy for your mind, body and soul?
Don't feel bad for one second in regards to your bf. He's made a choice to stay in this sick cult.
Also, in my personal opinion, your bf sounds as if he is dealing with a mental illness. If he is, then he poses a serious danger to himself and you.
How does it make you feel, when you are required to join a religion sect as the only way to date and marry your bf? You may not agree with their beliefs but you are allowing them
to change who you are. Is that what love is supposed to be about? Your bf is not accepting you for who you are,, he's attempting to force you into the JW mold.
Please consider how serious of a situation this is and cut your losses while you can.
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Cordelia
you know whaT you should do if you really wanna be with him, just lie!
i was getting reproved didnt tell full story and got dfed, this lady cannot tell you what hiss elders would do every hall is different
i'd tell your boyfriend you said his name without thinking but coz you feel bad if he's asked he should deny it, and tell him if your approached you will deny everything, then tell this lady that you exgaretted coz you were mad at him one night and you didnt mean it,
without your 'evidence' there is nothing they can do and your bf should be happy your willing to do that for him (tho he does sound alittle wierd!!)
i know it sounds bad but i will never confess anything anymore they have no right to judge or ruin peoples lives
don't let the witnesses win just deny deny deny
(sorry if i sound bad but i've been thru that much crap coz of the witnessess' rules, i just think you should do whats best for you and your bf and not give them a chance to ruin your lives!)
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asleif_dufansdottir
I remembered reading this on your other thread and I wanted to say...read this...and while you read it, pretend that it is someone else talking. Pretend that this is being told to you by one of your best girlfriends, whose boyfriend is acting this way towards her. What advice would you give her???
He can call me anytime, day or night, and I will drop what I'm doing to reassure him that I love him and that I'm here for him. When I stopped by his apartment one morning at 7am after a bad night, he accused me of stalking him because I knocked on his door and woke him up and threatened to call the police if I bothered him at that hour. Later that day he called and told me I should have known better to come over at that hour because I knew he had problems sleeping at night and usually couldn't fall asleep until 5 am.
"You should have known better." "It's your fault" You've gotta be kidding me.
My guess is you'd tell her this man is abusive and she should leave him. Because he is. Maybe it's easier to see if it's not *you*...we all know about that, unfortunately!!
Listen to the people who are telling you that *this* is as good as it gets and it's downhill from here.
There is no fairytale ending. Just days, weeks, months or years of misery (depending on how long you stay).
Trying to 'save' people doesn't work, it just keeps you addicted to a bad relationship, because you see yourself as the selfless martyr, the hero. Well, being in a relationship to an abuser in a family of abusers (trust me on this, he may complain about his mom but she's just your average JW mother, and while he may whine to you, how she treats him is gonna be how he treats you), in an abusive religion that enables the abuse, is not heroic.
Of course he's going to flip out and blame you and hate you, then call you back and say that even though it's all your fault he needs you and can't live without you (as long as you apologize for everything you're doing wrong).
Break up with him, block his number, and tell him not to contact you ever again. Then do the same thing with the woman you're studying with. *When* he shows up at your home or work freaking out (and he will), refuse to talk to him and call the cops. Then get a restraining order. Do not let him drag you back in. Treat this relationship like the dangerous and life threatening addiction it is, and cut it off.
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Shakita
Dear Emily,
If you stay with this person you will be giving over your personal life to the Witnesses. It is no ones business what you do behind closed doors. If you stay involved with this person, they will make it their business to intrude into your personal life. The only way that it will work for your boyfriend is for you to become a Witness. If you do that you will be giving over your life to this cult. I know that you are in a lot of pain over what has transpired, but this will pale in comparison to the pain that you will experience if you stay with your boyfriend or even get married to him. If he stays a Witness while you remain a non-Witness, you will be viewed as asecond class citizen. It will be a nightmare for you. I hope that things will work out for you Emily.
Mr. Shakita