YOUR DAILY JOURNAL (page 86)

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YOUR DAILY JOURNAL

Friends - Part One

It's only a matter of time. He's been holding out for as long as he possibly can, but Johnny says there are chinks in his armor. Everyone has taken the view that J. is a tower of strength. They depend on him for sage advice, for money when they're in dire financial straits (some never escape those "straits") and a shoulder to cry on. There's always someone crying.

He tells me everything. His friends speak of him with admiration, and I wouldn't hesitate to add, with unabashed affection. Some guys think they're God's gift to the world. Johnny's too humble (actually, way too critical of himself) to play the role, much less think it. Hardly a complainer, yet he says things in such a way that I know he's the loneliest man on planet Earth.

How can a guy be lonely with such a devoted following? He'd hate it if he heard me say that he had a following. An unassuming guy - the kind who looks at his shoes when he talks to you - who'd turn both angry and beet red to hear such nonsense. I'm not a very good friend. Oh, we hang out and talk, and he knows I'm true-blue. It's just ... it's just I can't figure what's eatin' at the guy. Everyone loves him but I firmly suspicion he doesn't like himself much.

If I was I religious man I'd pray for him.

JoyNichols

Thanks, CoCo.

Caspar - I can relate. You made me cry.

Lots of changes here . . . I can barely bring myself to get out of bed before dusk . . . I'm doing much better, but I am upside-down (over a number of things - including my daughter growing up).

It's wonderful, though, to know that your kids are able to be grown-ups and live well, isn't it? It means you did your job as a parent. Be proud of them and of yourself, and most especially, be proud of letting them learn from and live with their own mistakes. Isn't that the hardest thing to do?

I am so sad and afraid right now. And alone. I am sure of one thing, though - it will pass.

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Dear Joy:

Yes ... maybe we did do something right after all; however, it is lonely. And a parent never stops worrying. It's part of the deal.

It's just that my kids are so much more grown up than I!

Wishing you peace of mind and heart.

CoCo

Hope4Others

Dear Journal,

I found today to be a most splendid day, it is bright and sunny and you could certainly feel the warmth of the sun against your skin.

I have really never put my thoughts to ~~paper~~ rather computer before. There are many things that fill my mind these days and they are all good. I have

reflected a lot on life, age and the future. I suppose there are many things left behind unsaid, but that is where they shall stay for me, for I have

moved on. I'm not a person to cry and I tend to hold things deeply inside and perhaps that is why many I have known in the past to lean on me. I

don't seem to mind I am happy to help others it does bring inner joy at seeing others bring their life around to its full potential. Well enough for today.

May we all find the peace we are searching for.

Hope4others

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Mrs. Bee

Casper

Hope

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YOUR DAILY JOURNAL

Friends - Continued

Libby, Johnny's little sister, called around 1:30 this morning. She was beside herself with worry because her normally punctual big brother didn't show for dinner. It's not that missing a meal would ordinarily be such a big deal. She was going on a mile-a-minute about the plans they had made to talk after dinner and how the dog had gotten out of its outdoor pen and ran away and why would Johnny not call? ... I was gentle as I tried to shush her and get some idea what was really going on. Can't imagine now that I'm wide awake how I was able to come up with a single cogent and meaningful question after the telephone's jangle woke me so rudely.

I threw on whatever duds I could find at the foot of my bed and slammed out the back door. I hoped the old crate would start - 'it made cold like a dog' (old creole lady's expression). I was lucky to get it to start on a blisteringly hot "dog day" in August! After too many tries and no few muttered threats of promised autocide, she coughed one last time and sputtered, thankfully, to life. In gear and my nerves frayed with worry and frustration, the beast and I headed tentatively to the other side of town.

I pulled up alongside the curb at 28 Oceanview and braked one last time before cutting the engine. My hands were gripping the wheel at ten and two o'clock and I could only stare ahead as I made a vain attempt at collecting my thoughts. I knew Johnny was in a bad way as I saw lots of signs in my friend's behavior lately. They were unmistakeable signs that, when I gave them too much conscious thought, terrified me.

I bowed my head, not so much in reverence, but in grief.

I couldn't hold it in any longer.

Bumble Bee

Rainy overcast Monday morning. The temperature has really dropped as well and they said we could have some wet snow. I'm crossing my fingers that we don't lol. It was a good thing I spent time in the yard yesterday, raking etc, the rain will be good for it this week. I only wished I had some seed to overseed the lawn with, this would have been the perfect week for it, cool temps and rain.

This is my last week at work. The deadline for filing taxes here is on Wednesday. Thursday I'll spend cleaning up all the paperwork, Friday is a half day, my employers always take me out to lunch on my last day. I'll go up to the cabin, just me and the dog, and unwind and contemplate life for a few days. Lots of changes happening, and I'm not sure I'm ready for them all.

BB

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YOUR DAILY JOURNAL

Friends - Continued

I plowed my way up the stone stairs leading to Libby's wraparound porch. It's not so much that I was putting off facing Johnny's distraught and confused sister, but my feet were leaden - holding me back - as I climbed the 40 stairs (I had counted them many a time) leading to an uncertain reception. I finally made a landing at the entry and knocked. And knocked again. No answer. I looked inside - the living room was lit up like broad daylight - and stepped back with a start.

Johnny was seated on the sofa, head in hands, and his sister was huddled up to him, holding him tightly. She was so intent on comforting her brother that she either didn't hear my knocking or just couldn't risk letting go of him. I tried the door - unlocked - and quietly let myself in. I padded through the high-ceilinged vestibule and made a right into the huge room where the pair was interlocked. They apparently sensed my furtive entry because they both looked up, no alarm or surprise written on their faces.

Libby was ashen, Johnny looking blank. Lost. I moved toward them gently and kneeled down on the worn, hand-braided carpet that their grandmother had made years ago from old navy blankets. We all three of us looked into each others faces and so much was said with unspoken words.

Bumble Bee

I'm doing a happy dance today!! Finally, after getting alot of my clients more in tax refunds than they were expecting, I got more for myself!! I went from owing over $800 to getting a refund of $13.13. Who says "13" is an unlucky number??? It's my lucky number today!!!! I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!

BB

Casper

It's wonderful, though, to know that your kids are able to be grown-ups and live well, isn't it? It means you did your job as a parent. Be proud of them and of yourself, and most especially, be proud of letting them learn from and live with their own mistakes. Isn't that the hardest thing to do?

I totally agree Joy,

It is hard to let go... and as you said, It means we "Did" our job.

Awww BB, you have a cabin.... I am soooo jealous...

Coco, I am enjoying your story...

It was really Cold and windy here today.

The kind of day, where I just want to be close to the wood stove, with my afghan, pillow and a really good book. Sipping on something soothing...

No time for that tho, babysitting my grand babies today...so up and at it...I want to enjoy my time with them...

Cas

YOUR DAILY JOURNAL

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