Hi Crumpet,
I don't really have anything to add to all this great advice. Just want to let you know that I am sorry you're feeling down. You'll be fine, you are one terrific lady! BIG HUG ! BIG KISS !
BFD
Who has my Joie d'vivre ? I demand it back right now!!
by Crumpet 63 Replies latest jw friends
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Crumpet
Do we have some geniuses on this board or what!!!!
Juni - the volunteer thing - nice idea - but I don't have time to give anymore of myself. My problem is lack of time rather than surplus. I work 40 hours, commute 10, study 20 and so there isn't loads of me time, just to chill out. Thats kind of a good thing because those little moments are when I miss someone being there.
MisA - thanks for missing me - when things get tough I tend to disappear and curl up and hope it all goes away. But it is for now...worst time tends to be last thing at night when my mind wanders routes it shouldnt because they only hurt my heart.
Changeling - I'm not so depressed that I dont see an end to it. It is just a moment and it will pass. I cling to that. In fact it probably is passing to a larger extent for now.
BlackPearl I'm going to print your list off and give it some attention when I am not at work - some things really stood out there for me to consider. I do regard this as a challenge but sometimes I'm not up to the challenge all by myself so I need my friends here to help spur me on give me new strategies - as you all have done.
- Prioritize your problems, you control them, they don't control you. After you've got it all on paper, shuffle it all around on another piece of paper, but prioritize it this time. Most import to address first, least important to address last.
- Have a laser-like focus on the items you prioritized at the top of the list and get them accomplished. (Here's a secret revealed-Once you accomplish a couple of things at the top of your priority list, you'll get some momentum and the other things on your list start to look easier and easier to control and accomplish)
I thought these were particularly helpful. I'm just not sure which of my problems takes precedence - I know paying bills kind of should because if I dont then I wont be able to do any fun stuff ever! My immediate priority for this week though is my exam on Saturday morning. If I revise solidly for the next few evenings and do well then I will be happy. And it will keep me from thinking about Mr C. I'm supposed to go out with him on Thursday but I think it might be in my better interests to decline...when I see him it often just makes me feel sadder and that I can't assume physical intimacy even the hugging variety is my right anymore and sometimes that stuns me and I wonder hang on am I just in a bad dream - the one I had for about 5 years before we split up - the one where he isnt with me anymore. I used to wake up literally screaming with that one. So now it has happened and I did it, well its weird and confusing and places me so uncertainly. It would be much easier to jump into a relationship with someone waiting on the sidelines, but I just dont feel thats the right thing to do.
Sademo - the work pressure should ease off tomorrow. My colleague has been away for 3 weeks so have been doing her work so its just been really busy. So hopefully there will be some calm there. I dont think there is a summer break on my studying but actually I really enjoy that pressure and the learning and stimulation and the satisfaction I get when I do quite well given its a subject which is not my natural easiest one. The bills - yes someone told me they cannot cut my water off - phew! But they can take me to court and I get a black mark against my credit. I've phoned them like you sauid and explained that I thought I had paid them - I really did but the cheque is still in my drawer so I've asked them to hang on til the end of the month when I get paid. I'll do some juggling and looks like my clothes on ebay are going for reasonable amounts, so that will help a little.
When I was in counselling, every time I had bad thoughts about myself or bad situations, I'd laugh - my counsellor picked up on that very quickly. I was using the laughter to cover up the pain and guilt I felt. Gradually, I laughed less and less until one day the lid blew off the bottle that held all that pain and I cried and cried. I'm sensing you might be close to something like this. And who's telling you you're pathetic and self-pitying? Is it the real adult you or 'someone' locked in your head from your past? If it's the latter, learn to question it - is it true? If it isn't, tell yourself so - self affirmation again!
You do have a point there. I laugh way more than I cry. I wanted to cry yesterday but there wasnt time at work and then I had bottled it to hard by the time I got home. I look vile when I cry though so there's probably a vanity issue going on...LOL! I dont think anyone has called me pathetic and self-pitying apart from myself. But I know they think it....
However my self pitying moment is over - time to get back up get home and study hard.
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Sad emo
But I know they think it....
I'm gonna challenge you again - is it the real adult you who knows it or that 'someone' locked in your head? What hard proof do you have that it's true?
If it isn't true - tell yourself that, over and over till that tiny voice believes you - self affirmation!
If it is true that's what people think, it's their problem - I'd say bo**/cks to 'em (in Christian love of course), let themthink what they want. You don't have to take their poison.
At least you've identified the work pressure and can look forward to that being eased - and that's cool with the studies too, as long as you don't let them become a kind of cover to push everything else out of the way. Good luck in your exam I am finished for the summer now - as long as I don't have to resit! On the bills front, I'll repeat you may be as well going to CAP or somewhere similar - that way, the creditors won't be hassling you, no more negotiating with them as you just did, and you won't have to sit looking at the bill pile and fretting - someone else will be doing all that for you - all at no cost! You've nothing to lose - except the debts!!
Happy studying and don't forget - !!! (Keeps your blood sugar up. Low sugar = low mood)
Gawd, I'll stop nagging at you now or you'll end up with a headache too lol!
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Pubsinger
Think they've got a job going at Noah's Ark
(for Emo)
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Pubsinger
Still thinking about you
(for Nina)
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tim hooper
......every time I had bad thoughts about myself or bad situations, I'd laugh - my counsellor picked up on that very quickly. I was using the laughter to cover up the pain and guilt I felt. Gradually, I laughed less and less until one day the lid blew off the bottle that held all that pain and I cried and cried. I'm sensing you might be close to something like this.
I think that's nailed it, sugarplum.
I think that your almost-constant light-heartedness, and your hectic life in general, are a way of masking that massive baggage that you've you've been carrying for so long. You just might need to go back a long way further (and very much deeper) than you've ever been before in order to find the undoubtedly wondeful person that lies inside.
We love you.
tim
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fullofdoubtnow
(((((((((((((Crumpet))))))))))))))
Sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time right now, I will keep you in my thoughts. I hope it passes very soon
love
Linda
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Jringe01
I went two whole months this winter with a knife within arms reach at all times. I was so depressed that I was actually comming to terms with ending it and could have done it. I even did research so I could find the best method. Those were a lot of dark and lonely nights.
I'm still not sure what lifted me out of all that although I'm sure that work played a part. I couldn't afford not to go to work so I'd trundle off, sneaking off to the stairwell for a cry whenever I couldn't handle it anymore. Then one day either someone said something or I read something that made me laugh, just a small one but it was enough. Once I laughed my recovery was assured in the long run. It really is the best medicine.
Everyone is different in these situations so not all advice given will work 100% however if you can still laugh at something then you'll be fine. It means you are starting to heal already even if you don't realize it. Sometimes it just takes time.
All the best to ya luv
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compound complex
Dear One,
Not of the greatest importance: you did spell "joie" correctly, but the "d'" should be "de" - "joie de vivre."
It's all been said; I'm sure you must feel better now, not merely for the useful suggestions, but mostly for the love and support. My joie was heightened when you recently wrote in YOUR DAILY JOURNAL, under the title "Dear Diary," and garnered about a hundred hits!
READERSHIP SOARS WHEN CRUMP'S ABOARD!Really, though, I was happy a few of us could offer words of encouragement. If I may reiterate some of those words to you, I no longer participate in "theocratic" activity - a matter of principles and conscientious objections - so I'm effectively left out in the cold, but for a few dear and genuine JWs.
No calls on Father's Day, of course, and 6 years of grieving because the love of my life is gone and REFUSES to talk to me. I am mostly all right. Well, better.
So, we cannot have any family get togethers with both of us present. I bow out to keep the peace. My friends and family understand the situation, but I have to get involved with other people and projects. Please don't laugh at this, but for 6 years I have remained unattached/c***bate so's not to get DFd and lose my kids and siblings. It's the price I am paying as hostage to THE EVIL EMPIRE.
My life is now YOU and my other friends here on JWD, and the flesh and blood I'm helping locally. Does my concern and devotion make you feel better? I realize it sounds presumptuous, but I HAVE to believe that I am needed or I'd totally lose it.
Your "joie de vivre" is here, and it's there, and it's everywhere! Can you see and feel it?We love you! You do know that, don't you!?!?
CoCo
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Crumpet
But I know they think it....
I'm gonna challenge you again - is it the real adult you who knows it or that 'someone' locked in your head? What hard proof do you have that it's true?
If it isn't true - tell yourself that, over and over till that tiny voice believes you - self affirmation!
Okay fair point Sad Emo. I dont think I am totally pathetic and self-pitying - we all know I'm not - mostly I'm reasonably cheerful and upbeat. But something to watch out for. I hope your results come out well for you!
Fullofdoubtnow - so kind of you to think of me when actually I should just remember your very real problems and mine vanish, specially since most of them are of my own making and therefore presumably capable of being undone by me! How are you doing my love?
Timbo - thats really given me something to think about. I did know underneath it all that my recent wildness and throwing myself into so many experiences impulsively as been in the main a distraction but if I hadn't done everything I have done I would have just become paralysed by grief back then - at least this way time and a multitude of events has diluted it. I'm trying to find some calm and stability in my life right now so I can focus on being successful. But events have conspired in such a way as to make me feel I lost my heart twice lately...so that adds to my sadness even though I am happy that my loss is the gain of and happiness of some others...
It's all been said; I'm sure you must feel better now, not merely for the useful suggestions, but mostly for the love and support. My joie was heightened when you recently wrote in YOUR DAILY JOURNAL, under the title "Dear Diary," and garnered about a hundred hits!
READERSHIP SOARS WHEN CRUMP'S ABOARD!How funny - is that for real? you got a hundred extra hits...LOL! Okay that makes me chuckle a bit.
Dear Coco - be assured that you gentle ways and kind advice definitely DO make a difference. I always find you very conmforting and enjoy your measured approach. I hope one day your family stops leaving you out in the cold. And allow me to wish you a belated Happy Fathers Day.