Hey Crumpie, are you feeling a bit better today? Worried about you.
Hey Mrs Smith - thank you so much for checking in on me. I walked to work with a spring in my step, but I still have a tug in my heart, though its not as bad. I spoke to exMr C last night and he wanted to know why I was sad and I felt very grown up because I avoided saying anything negative to him and kept the conversation short though he is my best friend (or was) and I wanted to pour out my woes and troubles, but I know I can't. Its not fair to him. Ah Narkissos
The sickness of living
That you've got to live
For what living is worth You can wear it on your shoulder
Like a jewel at your finger
Like a flower in your buttonhole
Or at the tip of your nipple
It's not absolute misery
Neither Valmy nor Verdun
Only a few tears in your eyes
When the day dies, when the day comes
From Rome or America
From London or Beijing
From Egypt or Africa (!)
Or from Saint-Martin's Gate (popular neighbourhood in Paris)
We all say the same prayer
We all walk the same path
How long it is when you have to do it
With this sickness in your loins
The French know passion and the heart better than most nations don't they. St Martins Gate - I know it, not well, but have wandered through their once or twice - with ex Mr C! (No dont worry I'm not going to burst into tears! ;-)
Take the next off day and do this: When you wake up, wail and scream into your pillow, beat the crap out of your pillow, pound your mattress, cry uncontrollably. Beat everything that is soft with all your might. Get it all out with tears and violence.
Warlock - I wish I could but I have no holiday left so I can't take any days off. The moment has passed. Doubtless it will resurge again at some point in the future. I will be waiting for it, with a bucket and some tissues, but for now I have to put it to one side, ignore it like an ugly spider and get through til Saturday afternoon.
I really like some of the old AA sayings. "And this too shall pass." You will be a different person in a year then you are right now. Enjoy the journey..it is like a rollercoaster ride... ups and downs, spinning around. As long as you continue the ride until the end it is a hoot. Get off the ride in the middle, and it is detrimental to you
Leslie - Actually those simple for few words are quite a comfort. It will pass, I know. I just wonder if I grieve a bit too long. I seem to need the same amount of time as I was with people to grieve afterwards. ie my family I was with for 16 years and it took 16 years for me to overcome it.
Each day, at some point, honey, you won't be crying. You may not even think about him. Then you will have days when you do. It's ok to own that and mourn that change of heart that took place. And you will get through the days. I don't have an answer for the future and would never put out a time limit and tell you there will be a snappy come back like nothing happened. I hope you know I would give you a big hug and tell you to just let it out! Sweets, I KNOW heartache is pure pain.
Lonely - the problem is that I havent cried really at all. There just never is the time is there! It would definitely help, but I'm just much better at laughing. I kind of like that. I always regarded myself as a perpetually miserable person but the comments I've had here are making me thing maybe I'm I don't give off as much misery as I thought I did. The reverse in fact. Sass-my-frass - the trouble is really that on my income I cant actually afford the leave the house at all ever. And thats no way to live! So i am investing in some travel and experiences as investments for old age. One day I might just be me inside my head and I want some adventures to look back on. This I realise is not the most practical approach to life, but I am studying to get a better paid more fulfilling occupation which will then allow my adventures to be occupational and therefore less costly. I do have a vague long term plan which sharpens day by day.
