Step 1: Buy a copy of The Game by Neil Strauss
Step 2: Read the book from cover to cover
Step 3: Join a local PUA group. (Read the book to find out what a PUA group is)
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If you read this book and do what it says you will have all the women you want.
I need a girlfriend
by Junction-Guy 94 Replies latest jw friends
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Elsewhere
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choosing life
Like a few others on here, I don't see where you could find a woman that could be all the things you listed. If you are not gay, then why do you want a bi-sexual woman? And what gay or bi-sexual woman would be conservative and vote Republican? Republicans or conservatives hate gays. It tends to be part of what they run against in public office.
Maybe Amanda would be kind enough to let you know why your first marriage didn't work from her point of view? That might be helpful if you're still in touch. Otherwise, I think a counselor is a good idea before you get into any more relationships that don't work out because of personal confusion.
I hope you find what you're looking for.
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Junction-Guy
All kinds of good responses here.
I will try to answer some of your questions.
I say "almost gay" because I dont have a desire to have sex with men. It doesnt turn me on. I could never kiss another guy, date another guy,marry another guy (legal now in some areas). I do find certain guys quite attractive, but thats about where it ends.
When Amanda and I first got together, I was in love. When we kissed there were sparks, everything just felt so natural.
Right now, I have alot of financial issues, so I choose not to date. I cant even afford hardly to eat out on my own, let alone pay for a date.
I dont have any problem finding women right now, they flirt with me all the time when Im out in convenience stores, at the mall, or wherever. In fact if I was in a position to date right now, I wouldnt have any problem finding a woman.
When I do find a woman,the thing is, I can either do 2 things, I can be up front and explain my sexual issues, that way I dont feel like Im hiding anything, or I can just roll with the flow and pretend nothing is abnormal about me and that I have a normal life and come from a normal background. I dont like the second option as I much rather be honest.
Exodus international is an ex-gay group, they hold conferences all across the country. Attending those conferences are men and women who are gay,bi,bi curious, all kinds. They are all christian, and they are seeking to find a partner. Whenever I get the money Im going to attend one of those conferences and meet people, bot men and women and hear their perspectives.
My long term goal is to be in a relationship, and maybe get married someday. To stay single for the rest of my life is to do a disservice to myself, not to mention a lonely existence. -
Little Drummer Boy
I say "almost gay" because I dont have a desire to have sex with men. It doesnt turn me on. I could never kiss another guy, date another guy,marry another guy (legal now in some areas). I do find certain guys quite attractive, but thats about where it ends.
Hmmmm....Dude, I think it is not an issue of you being "almost gay", I think it is an issue of not knowing how to put what your thoughts are on being gay into proper perspective given your republican, conservative, christian stance.
I will tell you right now, and I want you to really, really understand this point....if you don't want to do any of those things in that list in the quote box above, YOU ARE NOT GAY. At least, not in the sense that you need to ever give it a second thought. Hell, I think many guys are attractive, and I am not gay and there is no doubt in my mind. I am also not a republican, conservative, christian like you are though, so I don't hate gays like those groups do and I don't feel bad about thinking "Hey, that guy has a cute ass". Because that thought is not followed up with how do I get in his pants?, it is followed up with, "If I was a girl, I'd go after that." News flash, ALL guys think some guys are attractive. ALL guys.
The very straight comedian Ron White even has a routine about it proving that we are all, as he calls it "a little gay". He uses his routine to show how homo-phobia is silly, but the concept applies here as well.
The routine basically goes (this is not word-for-word, but is from memory here):
Ron: "I have a homo-phobic friend that I told I could prove to him that every guy is at least a little gay.
Naw says my friend'.
Ron: Sure I can prove it. You like watchin' porn don't yah?
Friend: 'Sure I do Ron. I like watchin' a man make love to a woman'
Ron: You like them guys to have a small, flacid penis?
Naw' I like it to be hard and throbbin'........Ah.......oh....
Ron: See, yer a little gay
I am using that comedy routine to try to tell you that all members of both sexes think some members of the same sex are attractive. The most flaming on fire gay who can sing and dance every show tune will think some woman are hot. The most macho, car mechanic who gets oily all day long and drinks Bud will ocassionally think somebody else in the garage is nice looking. That doesn't mean either one of them is bi-sexual. They just appreciate the beauty that is the human form. The problem is when you put onto that your right-wing view of politics and religion. Those things tell you that you are broken some how. You aren't. You are normal. Again, if what you have told us here is accurate, YOU ARE NOT GAY. Just accept that some guys look good to you. You don't want to bang them....So big freaking deal.
Now, as to wanting a girlfriend that you can put a huge check list up to and tick off her "good" features so that she is up to snuff for you....You are in for a damn big shock my friend. People aren't made up of component parts that you get to approve of. You get the whole package. You will have to relax you unrealistic standards of finding the uber-christian woman you seem to want. If I knew that my signifiacnt other had a check list and that....weeeelll, I just made the cut, I would be outta there before you can say "almost gay".
Most important, you do not need another person in your life until you can complete yourself. Until you are emotionally stable and can put your relationship with Amanda in its place. It is over between you two. When you can pull back on your feelings for her until that emotional expenditure becomes a surplus that heals you, then you can send out the love again to someone new. If you insist that you will always love her as you do now, you are being naive. You might always think of her fondly, but dude, let her go. For both your sakes. Until you let her go, you don't deserve to have a girlfriend because that ain't right to do that to the new girl.
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Junction-Guy
Thanks Little Drummer Boy, that was some good insight you have given me. I think alot of what you have said rings true.
Given my background and my region of the country I was raised in, it was very homophobic. To be able to see another guy as attractive I always thought was gay, which makes me wonder if some snowball effect took place and that one thing lead to another to the point of where Im at today. What if I was raised in a more accepting atmosphere such as California, I wonder if I wouldnt have obsessed so much on this issue and that I wouldnt even be going through these issues now.
Dave -
eclipse
....what little drummer boy said,
JG, you need to figure yourself out, and you need to either get over Amanda, or work things out with her, before you even THINK about getting into a relationship with another woman.
Most people find the same sex attractive, it doesn't make them gay/bi.
It is sexual attraction that determines whether or not someone is gay, bi, straight or asexual (some people desire no sex). If you do not desire a man physically, you are probably straight.
I think you are getting ''wanting male camaraderie'' mixed up with ''being attractive to men''.
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Junction-Guy
Yes eclipse, you are absolutely right. That is what started this whole thing to begin with. I was mixing up camraderie with other issues.
One thing I have noticed about my life is that when I have a few male friends I dont feel gay, and I actually am more attracted to women.
Another thing is my depression and state of mind. When Im happy and well content with life, I seek out out women.
When Im down and depressed and life isnt going well, I tend to dwell more on the gay issues and tend to seek out other guys for friendship.
Happiness and state of mind play a bigger role in this than anything else. -
Highlander
Mum is very wise and honest with herself about men in general.
It seems to me that men prefer to relax and have a good time with other men, while women are there to fulfill needs.
It seems you need to find a balance between a healthy relationship with a women, and having time to spend with quality guy friends.
Most guys need guy friends. It doesn't make you gay.
On the other hand,, to be sure of your sexuality, go out and have a threesome with a male/female couple. Then decide who you liked 'playing' the most with.
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Junction-Guy
Thanks Highlander, that's it. I need some guy friends, I dont have any right now. That was my original intent when coming on these XJW boards was to find other guys my age to hang out with and be friends with. I havent had much luck there. I have had alot of women msg me over the years, but few guys. Which is ironic as I was married and wasnt looking for female friends because I didnt want to make Amanda jealous.
I have tried to make contact with gay XJW's on here, but for the most part I was ignored. I wanted to talk with them and get their perspective, but once they find out your not seeking booty they dont want to fool with you.
I just did a Myspace search on that site, and although there arent many bi christian women near me, there are plenty out there in other nearby regions, some were even good looking, and most seemed to be decent personality types too, so there is hope for me. -
Junction-Guy
One more thing I forgot to mention is that there is a gay XJW poster on this board who made contact with me, and we talked on the phone awhile back and I enjoyed the conversation. I thank him from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to chat. You know who you are, and for this Im thankful.