Fade Unsuccessful

FadingELD

Hello Everyone,

I am new to this site but have been lurking for a while now. I have not told my story yet because I am in the middle of a situation I had hoped to avoid. My wife is still a JW in good standing, my two sons were dfd a year ago. I was asked to step down when my sons got in trouble and eventually dfd. The BOE at the time was very supportive of our situation, being on many JC myself I knew what the outcome would be with my sons. However, for the first time and I'm sure because they were my sons I began to have doubts about the way things were handled. My kids were basically dfd for the same things teenagers do all the time. I decided at the time to do more resarch into other things that I began to have doubts about. It has now been eight months since I have been out in field service and four months since I have attended a meeting. My fade was going almost flawless until last week when my wife found my C of C(she had been snooping for a while) book which I had just began to read. Though I made every attempt to keep her from going to the BOE she did anyway. Tonight something I thought I would never face from the other side, my first and probably last committee meeting. I love my wife and I love my sons very much, I will not abandon my sons just to keep my wife happy. I can not believe I have let this religion destroy my family.

P.S. I will follow up in a few days days.

ThomasCovenant

Hello

Sorry I cannot offer anything more than my sympathy. But hello anyway.

Thomas Covenant

bluesbreaker59

Oh Fading, you poor soul. How is your wife taking things??? Do you still have a copy of the book? Will she demand that you return to the flock? Going through a committee for being an "apostate", that would be exceptionally tough. I've heard most Dubs won't even touch that book for fear of "demons getting them".

Please follow up, I'm very interested in your story.

franzy

welcome, fadingeld

my heart goes out to you.

say more when you can.

matt

Dagney

Welcome and (((((FadingELD)))))

I can not believe I have let this religion destroy my family.

Yep.

I wish you strength for the journey.

Scully

This does not automatically mean you will be DFd.

One eyewitness, remember?

Since your sons were DFd and you were asked to Step Aside™ from your role as an Elder™, you have been exhibiting signs of clinical depression - you have stopped enjoying and doing things you once enjoyed like attending meetings and going in service and associating with the Brothers™ and Sisters™. Has the congregation done its job in Shepherding™ someone in your situation? Have they gone out of their way in demonstrating love to you and your wife? It doesn't sound like it to me.

Do not allow yourself to be led to the slaughter. Make them work for it. How is reading a book that challenges your faith and requires you to defend it "wrong" or a "sin"? If it is The Truth™, why are they so terrified of scrutiny and exposure? Will it not withstand the scrutiny or the exposure? Is it really The Truth™ if it cannot do so?

AK - Jeff

It 's hard to form an opinion on just a single post, but on the surface I must agree that your family is most likely headed for the shredder. That's the way the WTS likes it - and so you may indeed be forced to choose children over spouse.

I assume that you have reestablished communications with your sons by this time [perhaps covertly]? Your wife sounds like a militant Jw who will always [for now] put the WTS ahead of you. I hope that you can hold it all together somehow - but it sounds like that might be hard to do.

Tell us as much as you dare or wish, and surely someone here has been through similar, and can help with the tactics.

So sorry for your troubles. Welcome. This may become a healing respite in times of trouble ahead.

Jeff

BluesBrother

Hello fadingeld - my wife is still faithful also , so I can understand your dilemma. Firstly I am sorry to read of your son's problems, but they have a good supportive father.

My wife knows enough to get me kicked out, but keeps quiet . I guess she knows she is better off with me being available and able to help out with K Hall trips and all.

If your wife is so shocked that she reported you to the BOE for having C of C at home...You have to think how to play it.. Are you obliged to say anything? They need a confession or two witnesses . I would refuse to answer anything..see if they can do anything.?. Or maybe try saying that you may have the book but of course you are not convinced by it ..present yourself as a man with Spiritual sickness to be prayed over and to be "readjusted in a spirit of mildness" - you know the score..

All the Best..

Gopher

Fading ELD,

Welcome to the board and please come back here and let us know how things went.

You say this is to be your 'first and last' committee meeting? Do you intend to try to prevent DF'ing? If so, do you have possession of your CoC? Because if you would conveniently 'lose' the book before the meeting, you could make it HER word against YOURS. And that would make DF'ing unlikely.

In any case, good for you that your children come first. your wife is forcing that choice, she didn't have to.

And you didn't break apart the family. This crazy totalitarian religion with its all-or-nothing mentality is doing that job for you.

Best wishes.

95stormfront

Well....now that your wife has tattled to the elders and the cat is out of the bag, it's probably now as good a time as ever to quit tip-toeing around the pink elephant in the room and stand up to both her and the elders and their "star chamber" comittee. I can tell that you still think, with resignation, that you have to face and explain yourself to them when the fact of the matter is, it is not incumbent upon you to speak with them at all. If you've been lurking here for as long as you say, then surely you would agree that the only power they have over you is that in which you give them. Put your foot down and stand up to them both. If she's willing to let what they, the borg and their henchmen, come between your relationship, then it's probably time to trade-up anyway.

Fade Unsuccessful

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