still considering going back to meetings...

by oompa 64 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Quentin

  that supporting my wife a bit in this way could be good for us... "as a couple."

  As a couple is what the therpist is attempting to bring togather...you seem to have a deep remorse for what you feel you've put your wife through over this sinkhole religion...I would guess that most of your sessions center on two topics. Your utter distaste for anything wt and your guilt of what it has done to your wife. This therpist is suggesting a middle ground that he feels will lessen the pain for both you and her...

  If it were me I would pick the pt and wt study to attend, unless she expects you both to hit the doors after the meeting, to me that would be the easist to stomach...

  Afterwards you can skip out for a meal, or whatever you desire, as a couple...this scales back your guilt for the wife, and raises her sense of security.

  May, or may not be a good thing...I feel for you, it is a tuff dession to make..even tuffer to follow through...your the only one who knows how far you can go...wish you the best...whatever you decide...
• 

  R.Crusoe

  Playing make believe for your wife is giving her hopes that are really lies! You therapist must think that 40 years wasn't enough for you. Maybe he doesn't know how to help and is suggesting anything he can think up. I believe all therapists use patients in their game of trial and error whilst the patients think they know better and are experts (when you think about it they have no other way). JW elders should have taught you that lesson my friend - maybe that's what's making you so reluctant - you somehow already know this!
• 

  watson

  I would not advocate "making believe" with the wife. She obviously knows you no longer believe. But, out of respect for her beliefs you CAN go along. One day, you will need her support on something that is difficult for her. Hopefully she will return the favor. If you have a lot of anger and hatred for the "org," then this whole idea won't work.
• 

  R.Crusoe

  Sometimes it is not that a person wants revenge or to show anger or hatred, but simply that the food on the plate gives you the runs. Are you really gonna insist I keep eating this stuff even though you know what it does to me -and control my life through my family? Now that's where the anger and other stuff maybe starts to come in - when the stubborn psychology keeps trying to change you, till your almost prompted to change it to help it get the message! I'd love to sit anywhere with a woman I loved! But as soon as someone is deliberating on changing the way I think when they already make it clear they themselves aren't interested in change, and messing with her head to get into mine so we can't even talk openly in ways which fully understand each others feelings, the boundaries have already been drawn! Suppose you became a Catholic and asked her to come sit with you!
• 

  watson

  Well RC, we were both raised in the "org." So...I understand where she is coming from. I patiently wait till she is ready to look critically at what we were born into. We get into it, we debate, I just don't let it get me so upset that it creates a gap. The other thing is that I really do care for the "sheep" that attend. Sooooo, not ready to rock their boat. Now if and when I have the opportunity to debate/confront the powers that be, I'll have fun stepping up.
• 

  watson

  Sorry Oompa, it's not about MEEE.
• 

  worldtraveller

  Sorry but 2 or more wrongs really don't make a right. Therapist seems out of his realm. He should take a night out with you to one of the meetings before he suggests any return visits. My wife disagree on a lot of stuff- I just let her carry on. Much better that endless friction.
• 

  WTWizard

  Here is what your "therapist" is not telling you. Once you start going back to the meetings, the hounders are going to start hounding you to go to ALL of them. Then they will push you back into the Theocraptic Misery "School(??)". They will make you give up all those things you have started enjoying once again. Finally, you will be pushed back out in field circus. From there, they will hound you to pioneer. In essence, they want to recapture you. If you fail to go along with it, you will be hauled back for a judicial committee, where in all likelihood they will disfellowship you if they can't force concessions out of you.

  The therapist is probably doing this knowing that you will likely fall prey to more problems from rejoining the Watchtower. Once that happens, they can prescribe a drug--or two--or three--for which they are making kickbacks from the drug companies. I highly recommend either another therapist, or making it firm that you are NOT going back to the meetings under ANY circumstances. This is not selfish, since it will stop your wife from ever leaving the cult. If the therapist is not willing to accept that you will not go back, then you have to threaten to find another, and make good on it if necessary.

  Would you start taking heroin to support a spouse that is taking heroin? Suppose you used to use heroin, and you quit but your spouse didn't. Would you rather try to help your spouse stop, or would you rather join in yourself? That is what going back to the meetings for the sake of your spouse amounts to. It's better to help your spouse out of that organization, as well as any children that are still in.
• 

  watson

  No hounding here. As a matter of fact very corgial. Heroiin = Hyperbole.
• 

  Homerovah the Almighty

  Sorry oompa but I can't help think you might be shooting yourself in the foot if you start attending again

  It will cause in effect will be leading your wife on that your going to start to become a regular again

  and your relationship with her could get very twisted around a bring you problems down the road

  so do give it some careful consideration and forethought.............take care

  PS. On second thought it could get you laid more often..........ummmm choices choices