still considering going back to meetings... (page 4)

OnTheWayOut

Here's my advice from the previous post:

It's your wife and son that you want to retain. It's your loneliness. It's your life. We can
agree or disagree. We hope we help you, but you must decide.
Here's my bad advice that I don't agree with, but seems to take your feelings into consideration:
You can try what you think will get you by in the congregation. You can try to maintain friendships
within the confines of a "weak" JW. I think you would know within a few months whether you
can get away with this, and whether you can stomach the faking it. I wish you well.

and then I added:

Oompa, my bad advice before was taking into account what you want to do.
My personal good advice is this: tell your therapist that you don't want to go to
the hall and pretend to be a JW, as it is difficult for you to keep your mouth shut.

Tell him you don't want a divorce.
Read Steve Hassan's RELEASING THE BONDS. Use it as a springboard for
your discussions with your wife and run these by the therapist afterward so that
he can help you fine-tune your assistance to your wife.
Insist that your therapist work to help you within the confines of those two things:
1. You don't want to go to the hall and pretend.
2. You don't want a divorce, but would like to (if possible) help your wife see the mind-control
cult for what it is.
You will be busy trying to be a good husband and starting a life outside of the Borg.

You are free to do what you want. If you follow the BAD advice, try this GOOD advice after
you tire of trying.

If you are considering it, you think it may work. So go. You will see soon enough
how it turns out. We will be here for ya.

But, in all fairness, I am too tired to look up in your threads all the terrible things you
did in the past two years. Did you murder her cat or cheat on your wife? Oh, I remember that
she caught you reading a book and chatting with former JW's online. Such terrible things.
If I am correct, she was not willing to go to marriage counseling. Is that right? I hope your
doing this for the friends more than the wife. Why not trade off? You will go to one hour of meeting
for every hour of couples therapy session she goes to. WIN WIN.

oompa

Watson: I would not advocate "making believe" with the wife. She obviously knows you no longer believe. But, out of respect for her beliefs you CAN go along. One day, you will need her support on something that is difficult for her. Hopefully she will return the favor. If you have a lot of anger and hatred for the "org," then this whole idea won't work.

This makes sense to me guys.....My wife knows EXACTLY why I no longer believe and that this is BS. So I would remind her of that, and let her know I am just going to be with her and keep in touch a bit with our friends so don't get your hopes up lady. I am smart enough and strong enough now to NEVER get sucked back in. Plus, I graduated from the TMSCHOOL! They were scared I was going to inform the flock of some interesting truths! .........................................................................................................thanks with the help all..........oompa

If only I could bring the Sunday newspaper in the hall....that would be great. I think a + or - is in order:

+ Just being with my wife would make her feel better (it's not all about me)

+ I could see some really good old friends and more likely hang with them at other time

+ If I pay a little attention, I could stay more current on WT BS and use that to help others maybe

- I may get nauseous, and will lose some quiet time I love at home (hey aren't the meetins gonna get shorter?)

- I may have to give some curt/stern replies to some helpful elders

LouBelle

I don't know how you could think of even going back. To sit through those lies, those songs, those superficial talks, the suits & ties, the brother this and the brother that - do you think you'll be able to really sit through it all over again.

Don't do it - for anyone - your sanity surely isn't worth it.

I used to think I could go back just for kicks and do something outrageous, but just passing a kingdom hall makes me feel sick these days.

mrsjones5

maybe the therapist should go to the hall for like a week or a month then give an opinion, but I vote for get a second opinion or find another therapist.

Witness 007

Eventually your Wife needs to follow YOUR example. I found if I went to meetings once in a while she would be more encouraged not to miss meetings, and she would think maybe I will make a come-back if she hangs in there. Slowly though she stopped asking me if I'm going since the answer was always "No thanks." And now she has joined me on "The darkside of the force."

Gilberto

From a personal point of view, I have to agree with Watson if you want to help your wife.

I would go to meetings with my wife. She knew my thoughts about the "truth".

I suppose she secretly hoped I would change.

I would do my best to avoid conflict. This set the situation up whereby she would be comfortable in expressing issues she had, knowing I wouldn't pounce on them and attack the religion. But these issues could be built upon.

Anyway for me it worked and my wife fully came out last year, it took a few years for this to happen. Sometimes I felt it would never happen but I had to keep believing. But it wasn't easy.

I wish you luck.

drew sagan

I think his therapist has point.

You can't just demand to get everything you want in a relationship. Sometimes concessions have to be made.I would never suggest you ever lie to your wife and tell her you want to be a JW, but if you can find small ways to make her life a bit eaiser then good for you. You admit that you have put her through a lot. Even though it doesn't seem fair (it's JWs, it never will be) that doesn't mean squat to her emotions.

carla

What if you decided to start going to a church? Would the therapist ask the wife to go along for the sake of compromise? Say one week at the kh and the next at the church? Jw's, as usual, ask things of others they themselves would never do.

sweetstuff

Ok, Oompa, I do this with love, ((((((((Smack))))))))), wake up, you need a new therapist, this guy has no clue what he is asking you to do! Hmm, does your wife care what she has put you through, basing her love on conditions such as being a witness? You need to stop the guilt train right and find a way to show her you love her that does not involve comprimising your own entegrity. IMO

undercover

oompa, is your therapist a pastoral therapist or counseler? If not, I'd suggest looking into finding one.

When I decided to have a few sessions with a therapist, I was referred to a pastoral therapist. I was reluctant at first because I thought that the title meant that the therapist was connected with a particular religion or faith. I was wrong, a pastoral therapist helps people who have issues because of faith and/or religion.

In my case, the therapist understood where I was coming from. She understood the control that some religions have on their followerers. It was so relieving to know that she understood when I explained the pressure, guilt and fear that I grew up with.

I could not see the therapist that I saw suggesting what your therapist suggested. I think, from what you've told us, that your therapist is not qualified to handle your particular situation.

still considering going back to meetings...

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