any former elders have an answer for me? (page 2)

Wasanelder Once

I didn't say you were a slut, I asked how you can keep from feeling like one? You are smart enough to know that this is between you and your husband, not the people here, not the elders, its your life. You know that the elders will not want to hear that you were still practicing fornication and will not re-instate you if you tell them about your adulterous actions. It will take quite a while longer if you do that. That's between you and your husband. If you believe that Jehovah is watching, you know you don't have to tell him anything, he knows it. As a former elder I would encourage you to pray about it, (sound familiar?) and then act on your conscience. As a former witness I would advise you to make things right within your marriage however that can be accomplished satisfactorily. Since I don't believe that elders are anything but dressed up janitors, I say forget them and be real at home. I do in fact wish you well. W.Once

5go

BTW I am not an Elder, or a MS but I play one on TV.

Also I slept in a Holiday Inn last night.

Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

Hi Helricha.

I'm not an elder or an ex-elder. . .those are my credentials. My sister was in nearly your exact situation 23 years ago, got df'd for complaining about her abusive husband. He got df'd for 'yelling' at her and 'possibly hitting' her. She left him for her sanity and met a fella and they got hooked on monkey phonics, if you know what I mean.

She confided this to me years later, that while she had confessed it all to the elders and returned to her husband, they wouldn't consider her for reinstatement until she told the husband--even though she was NOT DF'd for adultery. She used your same logic, that since she was already 'out of Jehovah's favor' what she did outside didn't count against her in the organization. I was a hard-nosed pioneer at the time and I disagreed with her, until she said, 'I thought it was Jehovah that I need to confess to, not to men; it's Jehovah that grants forgiveness' and she was soooo right about that.

There is no human who can mediate for us, and that is no misinterpretation.

I wish you the best.

AlmostAtheist

Hi Helricha,

I was a JW like you -- in it to serve Jehovah. It didn't matter exactly what the "rules" were, I wanted to know what it took to please Jehovah. Not "satisfy" him, but actually make him happy.

There is a significant number of JW's that don't feel that way. They are in it more for appearances. So you're going to hear from both types of ex-JW's here.

When I was DF'd while still a believer, I found the process absolutely grueling. And utterly unloving, unscriptural, and un-Jehovah-like. Still, I suffered thru it to the point of reinstatement because I believed that while the Watchtower had the disfellowship/reinstate process wrong, they were still Jehovah's organization. I felt that Jehovah still wanted me to follow the rules his organization set out, even if they were wrong. Their job to get the rules right, my job to follow them.

But I couldn't help noticing that they were completely missing the point of the "prodigal son" illustration. I was returning! Where was my robe, my rings, my celebration feast? Worst of all, I didn't think I deserved any of those things, just like the prodigal son didn't think he did. But his FATHER knew better -- and treated him not like a sub-person to be shunned, but like an honored child.

I didn't get it then. It took me a few more years to finally walk away. You might just save yourself some years and consider if this is what you really want to do. You're here -- look around. Ask questions. Gather information. If in the end, you still want to be a JW, go for it. You will STILL BE WELCOME HERE.

But to answer your question -- if you want to be a JW again, you should tell the elders everything. Otherwise, being the kind of person you are, you will never feel "clean". It'll eat at you and eat at you. Just lay it all out and get it over with. HOWEVER, they probably will require you to tell your husband about the adultery. This is likely to be a necessary step in their eyes. So consider carefully whether you actually want to open that door. Once opened, it can't be closed. You can't really ask what the "rule" is, because every body of elders is different. (The "unity" thing isn't quite all that)

This is another thing to consider -- where in the Bible does it say you have to admit adultery to your spouse? Maybe it's a great and honorable thing to do, but where is it specifically required? Nowhere. So how can the elders require it of you? Answer: They just can. See? It's not a "Bible" thing, or a "Jehovah" thing. It's a Watchtower thing.

I hope the best for you. I really and truly do.

Dave

BizzyBee

Helllricha,

You are splitting hairs - I tell you this because I don't think you can see it otherwise. You are desperately in need of some perspective about your life, not just parsing the boundaries and rules of the WTS cult. You need to decide who, what, why, how and where you are for yourself, THEN see where (or if) you fit into the WTS picture.

helricha

I agree that there is no statement in the Bible about confessing the sin to your husband, esp. if he is a nonbeliever. I actually tried to tell him about cheating on him 2 days ago. He was so angry, which was scary but understandable, and told me that I had to leave. I, against my better judgment, decided to tell him that I was lying and only said it to see if he would admit to cheating on me.

So, if I do tell him again, I am going to already have an apartment set and move out and then I'll tell him because I don't want to deal with him throwing me out and then trashing my stuff.

5go

So, if I do tell him again, I am going to already have an apartment set and move out and then I'll tell him because I don't want to deal with him throwing me out and then trashing my stuff.

Suggestion get a real marriage counselor you are going to need it.

AlmostAtheist

Wow, your relationship is on such uncertain ground right now. I'm sorry you're going through this. Yes, you made the choices and yada yada, but the fact is that you're here now and you're dealing with it, and it sucks.

Will you just never tell him? Are you willing to live in that sort of "I hope he never finds out" sort of environment?

Consider this: Your relationship is SO rocky and SO fragile right now. Do you really want the elders involved? I don't personally know of any JW couple that actually benefited from "assistance" from the elders. They aren't trained at all.

Rather than telling the elders, perhaps you'd be better to keep it to yourself for now and go see a marriage counselor. You could go alone, lay it all out for the counselor, and see what their recommendation is.

Pulling for you.

Dave

jwfacts

I need to know that if I want to salvage a relationship with Jehovah, is that what is expected?

If you have been researching you possibly realise that following the Watchtower Society has nothing to do with having a relationship with God. Confessing to the elders is not going to help your life in anyway. If your husband is not a JW than being reinstated is definitely a negative step regarding you relationship with your husband.

More important is to do what you feel is right between you and your husband, not be concerned with the regulation of a 19th century American sect

worldtraveller

I have heard this story more than a few times from new ppl. Either there are a lot of messed up relationships out there , or is this a troll? Just seems really odd. Maybe just coincidence.

any former elders have an answer for me?

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