any former elders have an answer for me? (page 5)

Im gonna open my big mouth here, because I cant keep silent about this.

Why are you so worried about confessing to the Elders? why does your conscience bother you about telling the Elders? Where was your conscience when you cheated on him?

You mentioned that his mother may have been telling him bad things about the JW's. I wonder what those things could be? Perhaps they have a much higher percentage of divorce and marital infidelity? I personally hope he starts listening to his Mom, because you have probably personafied everything she has told him about JW's.

2 weeks after you were married you cheated on him, yet your conscience bothers you because the Elders dont know, what's it any of their business anyway?

You need to tell your husband, so that he can make an informed decision, and maybe find him a nice "worldly" girl that will be faithful to him.

undercover

I have heard this story more than a few times from new ppl. Either there are a lot of messed up relationships out there , or is this a troll? Just seems really odd. Maybe just coincidence.

Maybe its because most JW youth are not trained with how to deal with "real" life by growing up as a JW. JWs think they live in this utopian spiritual paradise and raise their kids in it.

They demonize anything and everything that is "worldly". Then when a young JW goes out into the world on their own, they don't know how to deal with the realities. Some retreat into the JW world and never come out. Others decide to investigate the real world, but don't know how to deal with the realities they face.

Many fall into a pit of self destruction that only reinforces the opinions of the JWs who are inside thier bubble looking out. But its not necessarily always the fault of the one who fell, its partly the fault of the parents and support group that deluded them their whole lives.

Many on this board are going through some tough shit after being a JW for decades. That's why we're here. And because so many people come here with similar stories shows the inadequacies of the JW way of raising their children to live in reality.

Junction-Guy

Bingo Undercover, I couldnt have said it better myself.

nvrgnbk

The elders are men, human beings like you and I.

Some are quite "nice" and mean well.

Some are total assholes.

Tell them as much or as little as you'd like to.

Keep in mind, some of them could currently be doing far "worse" than the deeds you're thinking about confessing to them.

I say that from having been an elder and knowing elders that decided in favor of disfellowshipping an individual while they were practicing disfellowsippable offenses themselves, it came out at a later time.

Best of success to you in sorting things out.

Life can be very complicated at times.

tooktheredpill

Helricha:

I’m an Elder. And let me tell you something: Elders are NOT marriage counselors! We are supposed to give “spiritual guidance” only. Do you love your husband? Do you really want to fix your marriage? Look for professional help. (I noticed that apparently he is not a JW).

As you mentioned at the end of your post, you want to “salvage a relationship with Jehovah”. Jehovah knows everything. He knows what you did, and knows how your heart feels right now. Confessing to the Elders is the same that confessing to a priest or another human. They can’t do anything to fix your relationship with Jehovah. Talk directly to the one you need . And don’t be afraid of looking for professional counseling.

This may help you:

Psalms 86:5:

5 For you, O Jehovah, are good and ready to forgive;
And the loving-kindness to all those calling upon you is abundant.

helricha

Thanks everyone for their responses. It's helpful to see what different people say, esp. when my reasoning and thinking ability is really screwed up right now. I actually reasoned that it wasn't adultery because I hadn't filed the marriage papers with the county clerk and so I wasn't legally married when I committed the act. That was my way of not being worried about it.

The reason that I started freakin out about it all is that last Sunday there was a WT article about your conscience. It had a statement that some have finally confessed their adultery to their mate because their conscience was bothering them. Then I went and started researching things in the WT library at the hall and found all of this info on how you need to confess the sin to the person that you sinned against.

Anyway, I can't say that I ever wanted to tell him about it before that point. It won't do any good if I do tell him. A lot of people may say that he has the right to know and I always thought that I would want to know but really I wouldn't. Esp. if he's not doing it anymore.

So thanks for listening to me and helping me out with this issue.

yknot

Go in peace..... Door is open here 24 hours..........

5go

The reason that I started freakin out about it all is that last Sunday there was a WT article about your conscience.

Please do research on the watchtower society recently they were again featured in a news report about the covering up of child abuse in the congregations.

The Society it's self is pretty hypocritical when it comes to confessing sins, and cleansing it's own conscience that why we have so many elders here BTW.

jgnat

Boy oh boy, helricha. With every action you take you dig yourself in deeper. Of all the advice given, I like the approach that cognizent dissident is taking best.

A few things you said about your husband have me concerned. You don't know what he thinks or feels about things. It seems that he expresses his feelings by direct action or orders, i.e. "Get out of here." How did your confession make him feel?

You don't know why he is uncomfortable about you going to the meetings, you guess. I don't think you two know each other very well. Or yourselves.

I am sorry that your counsellor was a dud. It happens. Sometimes you have to try on a few before one fits. I do hope you don't just try and find people to tell you what to do. It is true, the answer is inside you if you will only listen. But, if knowing what your heart of hearts is telling you, perhaps the rigid, unkind rules of the hall is for you. At least you won't have to feel so bad about making lousy decisions. You can blame the magazines.

As for Jehovah, I think you could have a richer and more meaningful relationship with HIM if you also didn't depend on third-hand advice so much. Don't guess, confess in private. Open your heart to Him. See if Jehovah isn't loving and kind, willing to forgive. Read the book of John, and see how Jehovah expresses His love through his dear son. Consider Peter, who betrayed Jesus three times, is quickly forgiven only days later. Here's a flash movie for you to enjoy. http://www.interviewwithgod.com/psalm23.htm

any former elders have an answer for me?

TheListener

Junction-Guy

undercover

Junction-Guy

nvrgnbk

tooktheredpill

helricha

yknot

5go

jgnat

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