by oompa 81 Replies latest jw friends
After several conversations like these I feel like you have already made your mind up as to what you want to do with your life and are looking for excuses in the relationship or a way to break it to her.
Maybe just looking for consolation here on JWD? I may sound cold but that's the vibe I get.
Q1, I agree. We all need support, but if our intent is to save our marriages we should be talking to our spouses about these issues, not whiling away our time on JWD.
Oompa do you love your wife as the person she is? What a person believes is a very personal thing and I think on this site we can see this for ourselves easily but not for others around us. If your wife could just change everything she deeply believes just on your say so because she loves you, then it doesn't say much for her depth of character.
My ex found me too independant! I now get on quite well with him and his new partner, she is the complete opposite to me, I took them to dinner and said they could have whatever they wanted. She at first said she wanted the scampi and looked like she really wanted it but then my ex chose cottage pie and quickly she changed to have the same as him, this is typical of how their relationship works and often my ex says it's nice to have someone worship him and she certainly does, if he asked her to believe in UFO's she would.
What if you can by pushing all the emotional buttoms force her to your way of life and beliefs, would that be fair? Maybe what we have here is a true test of how much you love your partner? enough to let her be her own person in mind as well as in body?
Thanks for the clarification Oompa.
Honestly the vibe I get from you is, you're done. The only question is when you hit your breaking point. IMHO, time to move on. Love isn't always enough. That may sound cold and cynical but it's true. I'm sure you love your wife, the problem is you've simply become two separate people that live in the same house..... aka roomates. Your life journey is on a different path than hers. No need to beat yourself up over it, nor feel contempt for her. It is, what it is.
Make your decision. Grieve if need be. Embrace life, my friend. Your heart has been telling you for a long time now what you need to do. Follow your heart.
Quirky1: After several conversations like these I feel like you have already made your mind up as to what you want to do with your life and are looking for excuses in the relationship or a way to break it to her.
Maybe just looking for consolation here on JWD? I may sound cold but that's the vibe I get.
Danny-p: Q1, I agree. We all need support, but if our intent is to save our marriages we should be talking to our spouses about these issues, not whiling away our time on JWD.
Lets seeee.... which one of these caring responses pisses me off the most....mmmmm....decisions decisions...It would be dannyboys. Geeze, I am "whilling away my time on JWD" instead of talking to my wife!!!??? Only wish you could have been a fly on the wall the first year! We actually still live together...hard to believe huh? Same bed even! I have EVEN heard that one mate should go for marriage counseling if the other one won't......well for me....I think there are people HERE that might be able to help a bit more than most WORLDLY counselers...and yes that still includes you Danny. This was just not your best moment. Quirky, I have NOT MADE UP MY MIND as I probably SHOULD have by now if I were not such a caring person and flucked up wuss, so thus the MANY CONVERSATIONS! Marriage is supposed to be FOREVER as I was raised! I may NEVER be able to BREAK it to her....I may be able to find ways HERE ON JWD to THRIVE in a WEIRD marriage like others seem to be able to! You really did not sound cold...just honest...and yeah...I was touched by a little consolation...and I will dole it out here whenever I get the chance! MANY people here deserve it IMHO..................................take care all and early gnite.....this thead has been very very draining....LOVE YOU GUYS........OOMPA
Daniel-P: Q1, I agree. We all need support, but if our intent is to save our marriages we should be talking to our spouses about these issues, not whiling away our time on JWD.oompa: Lets seeee.... which one of these caring responses pisses me off the most....mmmmm....decisions decisions...It would be dannyboys. Geeze, I am "whilling away my time on JWD" instead of talking to my wife!!!??? Only wish you could have been a fly on the wall the first year! We actually still live together...hard to believe huh? Same bed even! I have EVEN heard that one mate should go for marriage counseling if the other one won't......well for me....I think there are people HERE that might be able to help a bit more than most WORLDLY counselers...and yes that still includes you Danny. This was just not your best moment.
Oompa, I think you may be nominated for the biggest over-reaction on JWD this year. Notice I worded it as "we," and not YOU. Yes, believe it or not, I was trying to tactful. This is because I've faced the exact same issues and this was a critical thing for me to realize--that if I wanted to really save my marriage, I needed to talk to her about these issues and not just seek constant support for myself on JWD.
I see that you're the kind of person to only listen to what you want to hear. I guess I'm not in your club--but that's OK, perhaps I spend too much time on here too. In fact, I know I do.
I may NEVER be able to BREAK it to her....I may be able to find ways HERE ON JWD to THRIVE in a WEIRD marriage like others seem to be able to!
Oompa, you DO understand me. That sentence was like a breakthrough in my
understanding of myself. It was a breakthrough a long time ago for me, but you
reminded me of it.
That is really all there is- can you SURVIVE (more accurate than THRIVE) in a
STRAINED (more accurate than WEIRD) marriage, hoping to free your wife, or
is that asking too much? The choices are yours.
For a person who had been married for over forty years,(wife passed away two years ago) testing one's love is not love. TRUST, plays a major role in a relationship. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.
Oompa,
I have not read all the responses, but perhaps you are loveable. Have you considered that?
As JW's and XJW's we get use to the idea we are not worthy of love and need to re-learn the concept. We need to accept ourselves and realize others can love us.
Your wife may really love you...
r.
I agree with restrangled above it sounds like your wife loves you deeply and probably fear of losing you is making her confirm this more. she may see your doubts in your eyes when she says the words "I love you" do you say it back and hold her close or are you turning away allowing your doubt to make you reject her words?
It sounds you may have a loving partner that others including myself would envy on here. Accept it and don't let worries make you push it away.
