JW wife says she loves me more often NOW???? Should I test that? (page 2)

OnTheWayOut

I will say that, in many ways, my wife and I lead separate lives. In many ways, that's
okay. Many husbands and wives do "couples only" things without friends because they
can't stand each other's friends, then do "friends only" things without their spouses.

It's not the same as having the relationship the way it was when you went to dinner and
shows with other couples, planned outings with friends, had people over to your home
to watch sports or play card games. It is completely different. Some can handle that.
Some cannot.

I won't beg you to work it out with your wife. If that kind of "separate yet together" life
won't work for you, then do as you must. I just know that I love my wife and our "couples
only" part of our life. I am not ready to be alone at home most of the time so that my
anti-JW life can be more dominant in my life. I feel that in the end, my wife will be the
one I spend the most time with. I am willing to make the changes.

I guess it helps that my wife is not a gung-ho JW. She doesn't look to aux. pioneer
ever. She makes most meetings, but will drop service for any flimsy reason. She will
even miss meetings for a decent excuse.

wings

oompa, I know I have shared this with you before, but I figure one more time won't hurt. I read this at a time I had already made the decision to end my marriage.....it helped me understand my reasons.

When a worldview shifts between one or both people in a relationship it can be really tough. When I was at Bethel back in the late 70s and watched it in certain ones that began to question the organization, and their wives or friends did not. There was an inevitable parting of ways; ideologies are too strong. The fears and the guilt is too great to buck the system. I guess one has to choose how confining of a relationship one wants to remain in for the rest of one's life. It's all in what brand of codependency you choose to live in.
Randy

No matter what, it is tough to stay, it is tough to leave.....just tough times ahead. (I'm sure that cheered you up!)

wingsso sorry my friend

OUTLAW

Your wife loves you more often.. Love Eyed 3 .................. Laughing Mutley ...OUTLAW

Quirky1

Oompa, my wife tells me she loves me all the time. This has always been the case except for a couple of months ago when I told here where I stand with the JW's and their beliefs. As many of you here know this was a rocky time for about a month or so. I actually thought it was over.

She does just as others here, she puts up the JW barrier when I speak the facts about the religion. But, I am not going to force it on her. I agree to do it slowly. I don't want to push her buttons and step on toes. I think this would push her away and that's the furthest thing from my mind at this moment. I know each situation is unique and I do not know the circumstances of yours but I don't think I would get in a shouting match over the religion. I would give her her space.

My wife seems very happy and as long as she is happy I am happy. We still get along and do things together and she has even skipped a few meetings. She seems to have accepted that I am never going back. She has even asked me to attend a meeting with her and I refused and told her that we have had this discussion before.

You do your thing and let her do hers. That is what I have been doing.

sparrow

oompa - after all the posts you have made this seems like a fairly pivotal crossroad you are at. I think with the passion and attitude you approach things with, you should go for it. I hope with your knowledge and wisdom you come out on top regardless of immediate consequences..

oompa

OTWO:
It's not the same as having the relationship the way it was when you went to dinner and
shows with other couples, planned outings with friends, had people over to your home
to watch sports or play card games. It is completely different. Some can handle that.
Some cannot.

OTWO, my twin.....More honestly it is COMPLETLY FREAKIN WEIRD!!!!!! That is NOT a normal marriage....and I am pretty sure yo would agree. And I mean no disrepect.....I think it is incredible you can be so patient and find any normalacy in this type of arrangement. You must have a deep inner feeling that your wife WILL see the light someday.....I am losing that hope I am afraid...............oomps

lesterd

Question is: Which one of the four loves of the Bible is she refereing to? There where the WT strategy lies, lay.

I dont think challenging her beleifs based on the WT will win you points, its the sincerity of your love for her, one thats more principled than the WT BS.

sacolton

Would you rather her be Catholic?

I guess you have to see it both ways. She wants you in. You want her out. You're not suffering. She's not suffering. Just do your own thing.

OnTheWayOut

I think it is incredible you can be so patient and find any normalacy in this type of arrangement. You must have a deep inner feeling that your wife WILL see the light someday.....I am losing that hope I am afraid...............oomps

Yes, I do have that hope. I am a very patient person.
I could spout off about "For better or worse" but that really isn't fair, or applicable.
My wife and I have complete trust. She knows I love her, and won't cheat on her.
I know the same. As long as we have that, this other stuff that completely
changes the relationship is secondary. That's hard to accept, but it works for me
for now. A violation of that trust could end it, because along with an open-heart
complete trust is the ability to stab at that heart, so a completely unforgiving
heart can surface if either of us violate the trust.

My situation is not your situation. I am not "shunned" by the wife's friends so much.
I don't see them around my house like I might have in the past, because they are
uncomfortable around me. I know you are not totally shunned, but the changes
might not be as acceptable to you.

Oompa, you feel miserable and you think you are making your wife miserable.
Seek a solution together or seek one apart. That's an ultimate answer. How you
do it, only you and she can decide. Since I can feel that this is serious turmoil for
you, go ahead and try to seek one together, then consider seeking answers apart
if it doesn't work. I say that because the second choice is hard to turn back from.
It really demands a look at the first choice- seeking answers together.

Here's what I do. I cannot introduce former JW's into our "life together." So I tolerate
current JW's occasionally in that life. I had a thread about staying at the wife's best
friend's home in our tropical vacation. I have been to a few dinners that JW's tolerated
my presence at. I did that for the wife because I couldn't care less for those people.
That has to be enough. The rest of the time, it's just the two of us or it's just one of
us with our separate lives. Seriously, if you try that and it doesn't work, find another
way to be less miserable.

I just know myself. While I would love traveling to meet more exJW's and developing
the friendships with nearby exJW's closer, my life with my wife is what keeps me most
happy from day-to-day. It far surpasses all the other friendships. In short, I would be
more lonely without my wife than I am with her, having to lead my life this way. If that
is not true for someone else, then their solutions would be different than mine.

Witness 007

Both sides have great arguements........i dony know what to say.

JW wife says she loves me more often NOW???? Should I test that?

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