JW wife says she loves me more often NOW???? Should I test that?

oompa

I was pm with A@G and have with others here in the one-in-one-out marriage situation, and have a question. Time flies.....I have been considered apostate for at least two years now, and it seems my wife says she loves me ALL the time....almost makes me uncomfortable. I have changed, not her, and I realize that. This now lack of mutual JW faith bond thing is huge...one of the biggest parts of our marriage is gone for me!!!!

Is this more love thing real or is she just scared and hoping these constant sayings of it are somehow going to get me back in JW? So is it possible to test this love with:

Honey, so far I have not been able to get you to invesigate or even consider the smallest possibility that we and our families were raised in a cult. I am afraid if you do not do this, we are going to drift further apart since it so effects our entire lifestyle. As long as you continue to believe what I have proven to myself to be lies, deceit, and outright fraud, I am afraid our marrige will deteriorate. IF you really love me, will you please examine with me, just a FEW JW teachings and see if they hold up under scrutiny? You, can pretend I am your Bible Study and justhave lots of questions! I really need this for me and for you.

Any chance guys???????? Or do all of our JW mates have it resolved they will always choose the Almightly Lord Jeovhah and his Chosen Watchtower Society over us? I am ready to push it and see....at least test the waters.......................oompa

Indo_Dude

To me this reeks of manipulation. You want to use her love for you, to manipulate her into a course of action you want. How would you respond if the shoe were on the other foot? If she approached you trying to use your love to go back to the Kingdumb Hall?

IMHO, you have to love her for who she is, and what she is, not what you want her to be. Is what she gives you enough? Does she complete you in a way that makes you better as a person? What can she give you if she wasn't a JW, vs. if she was? If this issue is of too great of an obstacle for you to overcome, or live with, perhaps it's time to consider going your separate ways.

sacolton

I'm in the same boat as you, oompa. The slightest discussion about spiritual matters and she recoils and retreats back behind the heavily fortified walls of the Watchtower. I even said, "If you can go door to door and face questions from non-believers ... why can't you talk to me?" and it all boils down to that I knew the truth, but made my own bed now I must sleep in it. I can say the same for her too.

Problem is ... she looks at me as an apostate. Sometimes I can feel the disgusting look she gives me. I think she would wish me dead.

Scully

Maybe it's just me, but my feeling is that she's saying it to try to draw you back in to the JWs. It could be a subtle 'threat' - that she believes she loves you and nobody else will if you ever dare to leave her.

To my way of thinking, where real love exists, the people involved will trust that the other always has their best interests at heart. Will she trust your love for her enough to allow you to show her what you have come to understand about WT teachings? Does she value what the Bible has to say above what the WT has published? If you can agree with her that the Bible, not the WT, should be the final authority for what you believe, I think you might have a chance to discuss a few things with her, such as Romans 14:1-12, about there not being any judgement regarding the observance of certain days or not as it relates to birthdays and other holidays that the WTS forbids, and that people will render their own account to God, not the Elders™, for their choices.

OnTheWayOut

Honey, so far I have not been able to get you to invesigate or even consider the smallest possibility that we and our families were raised in a cult. I am afraid if you do not do this, we are going to drift further apart since it so effects our entire lifestyle. As long as you continue to believe what I have proven to myself to be lies, deceit, and outright fraud, I am afraid our marrige will deteriorate. IF you really love me, will you please examine with me, just a FEW JW teachings and see if they hold up under scrutiny? You, can pretend I am your Bible Study and justhave lots of questions! I really need this for me and for you.
Any chance guys????????

No chance with my mate, I can tell you that.

My wife is willing to entertain my thoughts for awhile, but she won't investigate/read anything
on her own. "JW's are the only ones who teach basic Bible truths on holidays, interfaith,
the meaning of Jesus' resurrection, yadda yadda. I have no need to look into outside materials
that are meant to mislead." Those are not her exact words, but the general responses I have
gotten over the last two years.

Such "pressure," as she would see it, to do as you request in the quote above, my wife would
see as persecution and proof that Satan manipulates those that leave.

"If you really love me..." generally never really works. It only works on MEN (and the occasional women)
who don't want to be in a sexless relationship for quite awhile. MEN cave in and buy that jewelry
or let her decide where to vacation or stop going out with the guys on Friday night when the
woman says, "If you really love me..." I say that because it leads to a challenge. That challenge
usually involves going without sex. Many women can go without for months (don't point out that
even JWD has exceptions, I know). Other men never give in, and suffer without sex until the two
can resolve the matter- which can lead to make-up sex.

"If you really love me..." might work if you put a different ultimatum behind it. Also, change the
wording to "If you really want to save our marriage..." but finish it with a less cult-challenging
statement.
"....you would be willing to go to a marriage counselor."
"....you would see that I am not an evil apostate and look into some of what I am saying."

Or do all of our JW mates have it resolved they will always choose the Almightly Lord Jeovhah and his Chosen Watchtower Society over us?

No. It is the case now, but I will never totally give up. Pushing it is the correct answer, but
a little at a time, push only to the edge. Most here will say that only JW's who are ready to
leave will start to investigate. Steve Hassan's book, RELEASING THE BONDS, and the first
one, COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL both suggest the slower method of freeing
cult members. Reach the true non-cult personality as often as possible. I suggest you start
studying and be prepared for the long haul.

JK666

Oompa,

She might be saying "I love you" because she really does love you. Couple that with seeing self-destructive behavior, and she is probably scared shitless for your life. And add in a heavy dose of cult brain washing, and she is probably a mental zombie.

I know that the religion was your biggest commonality, but you need to inventory your feelings for her. Do you still love her, or are you just experiencing reflection on the supposed good times? Or are you expecting her to change her beliefs to correlate with yours now? It may never happen. You need to figure out why you are not saying ILY to her as much as she is to you.

Just a thought, from somebody that has been married and divorced three times. What the hell do I know?

JK

jamiebowers

I am not, nor have I ever been in your situation. But IMHO, your wife may be saying, "I love you" more now that you are an apostate, because she is afraid of losing you completely. Whether she chooses the WTB&TS over you or not, I don't think it's right to push her too hard, because that's what the cult is doing to her. Unless there is some aspect of your relationship that you simply can't tolerate, then be as kind to her as you possibly can. Its easier to draw flies with honey than it is with vinegar. Good luck to you. I am so sorry you're living this way. I can't imagine how difficult it must be.

WTWizard

I bet it has something to do with trying to get you back in the cancer.

oompa

Indo:
To me this reeks of manipulation. You want to use her love for you, to manipulate her into a course of action you want. How would you respond if the shoe were on the other foot? If she approached you trying to use your love to go back to the Kingdumb Hall?
IMHO, you have to love her for who she is, and what she is, not what you want her to be. Is what she gives you enough? Does she complete you in a way that makes you better as a person? What can she give you if she wasn't a JW, vs. if she was? If this issue is of too great of an obstacle for you to overcome, or live with, perhaps it's time to consider going your separate ways.

I agree with almost every word your post Dude. My wife and I should know manipulation at a glance, because we both have been our ENTIRE lives! But now only she is. So do I want my wife to live on manipulatedly?....like that word. Yeah, I would use my love to ger her out I guess, since while in she is just a manipulatedee. If she said if you really love me, look at what I have to show you about the TRUTH.....I would frikkin jump at the chance.

Love her for who she is????? Look how different everyone here sees life now with the JW blinders off!!!! Is she going to go to the beach with me and my new friends? Worldlings? Aliens? Can we just go golf with a nice apostate or dfd couple I like that lives nearby....or my freaking normal nice next door neighbors. I love the WT not long ago about the dangers of a dub accepting a ticket to a Basketball game from a workmate.......ooooohhhhhhh nooooooo and he has his hand out pushing it away like it was CRACK!!!!! Ticket to dangers to use with worldlings....may get coodies or homosexual urge in area while at game!

BTW....the entire point of this thread is "it's time to consider going my seperate way!"............and trying to see if there is SOME WAY TO AVOID THAT!!!!!...............thanks for you input Dude.....................oompa

oompa

I have been patient....Three years since really accidently starting my fade due to doubts....voiced. Not due to an incident with da bruddas. Dang I wish time would not go so fast now.........oomps

And thanks for all the replies guys!

JW wife says she loves me more often NOW???? Should I test that?

Share this