Suggestions for JW Girlfriend?

Mincan

So I've been seeing this JW girl for a couple weeks now... she kind of contacted me out of the blue (I've known her since I was 4, shes two years older than I) and wanted to hook up for coffee or something. I avoided it for about half a month. Not really avoided it, but was going to have fun with it when it came, because I thought she was just going to try to encourage me to go to meetings and whatnot.

So, first time she calls me up at like 9:30pm on a weeknight to come over to her house... so I ride my bicycle over and go inside and she and her cousin were getting drunk on alcohol and they started getting me to drink. Then her brother and mother came home, so the brother, cousin, her, and I all went out... we drove around for a bit and I was talking about getting some weed and then found out they all had tried it before, except the girl herself. I suggest we can all go back to my apartment... so we do. We all kind of catch up for a while and the girl is real forward with me... starts cuddling with me on my bed while her cousin sits at the edge of the bed (weird) and the brother is surfing for porn on my laptop... weird.

I had no idea they were "two-faced" or whatnot, but from my past experiences of not having known this about most JW youth expect myself wasnt too surprised.

Anyway, we have had sex and I've since learned it was her first time and that she's just starting to rebel against her tyranical mother and cult. I did explain to them all its a cult and none of them seem to serious about it but the strange thign is they all say they love Jehovah and want to be in the "Truth"

Last night her and I talked about it quite a bit. She says she won't "force her beliefs on me" and I said quite bluntly with a smile "good, cause I'll have none of it" Even when I started going on a mini-rant I stopped myself and said I really didn't want to argue or anything.

I can see this getting between us real fast. I can't be attracted to someone that is in a mental box like that. I need a spark unfortunately unless she just wants to be "friends with benefits" otherwise I see no good coming from our continued relationship.

Any suggestions about how I politely go about planting the ole' seed o' doubt in her mind? I keep emphasising how weird it is that she is expected to be home everynight by her mother even though she pays 2/3 of the rent where her, her mother, and her brother live. She recently got fired so she has a lot of free time and I imagine we'll be seeing lots of each other (hell its been everyday or a couple times a day for the past week), I want to work kind of diligently but cautiously on it. If she has no intention of leaving, I really can't have any passion for her personality, which is super important for attraction for me anyway. Everything else kind of falls into place if I have a certain mental connection with a person, as Im sure it is with everyone.

Thanks for any suggestions you offer up here for me.

OnTheWayOut

"friends with benefits"

If you are actually considering that, make sure you tell her. It's not fair to screw some woman
because she lets you, but to deny her the knowledge that you don't intend to let it get further.
In some minds, that might be okay, but it would just reinforce the JW teachings to her that
non-JW's are no good.

I would probably say, "Girl, you better hope that God doesn't actually work through the Witnesses.
You are not leading the life their leaders demand, so God would have to destroy you. If you stop
living this life, you are still expected to make a report to the elders so that the family you support
can shun you until the men think you are back in line."

hillbilly

Lad.. sometimes the pleasure aint worth the pain.

Make sure she is wrapped up right mentally... she sounds like she just wants to rebel and get even. She may be a lot of fun... but make sure you can get your nose and toes in the clear if she comes undone

Uncle Hill

Mincan

If you are actually considering that, make sure you tell her.

unless she just wants to be "friends with benefits"

asilentone

It does not surprise me anymore that alot of JWs(more than we think) are leading double life, it does not make any sense to try to serve Jehovah. Jehovah expects 100 percent devotion, not 50 percent devotion. I hate to say it, she is hypocrite at best. If she does not make her mind up between Jehovah and the world, I would steer away from her.

Mincan

I would probably say, "Girl, you better hope that God doesn't actually work through the Witnesses.
You are not leading the life their leaders demand, so God would have to destroy you. If you stop
living this life, you are still expected to make a report to the elders so that the family you support
can shun you until the men think you are back in line."

I actually last night asked her "So lets see, this week you've had fornication, drank to excess, used mind-altering substances, ..." Then I said that she's not doing her mental health any good to make herself feel bad about everything she does like that. I suggested she try to make a choice about it. I'm trying to show her the tools religion uses on people is shame, embarrasement, fear, and guilt... and that if she can get rid of that she'll be a happier person and truly free and will feel a big weight lifted off her shoulders. She doesn't seem to have much to say to that. Don't think these guys have really thought about much and it's sad. They don't have books, internet, or much of anything educational and work in service based jobs where I doubt they are getting much mental stimulation.

she sounds like she just wants to rebel and get even.

I get this vibe as well as last night she told me she actually told her mother where she was going and her mother continually called and texted her while we were hanging out. She seems to be proud of this and I want to encourage her to continue being rebellious... I think its time for her. She's 23 years old, has to answer to her mother all day, and is not happy with her life, although she's definitely not clinically depressed from what I can tell.

Hope4Others

It seems that she could have issues with her mother, and is trying to assert her independence in anyway she can. But unless you can

get her to look down this road learning and leaving a cult, I can only see her one day perhaps soon regretting what she has done

and returning crying to the elders and congregation for her actions. She will need a lot of help and support here.

Cheers

hope4others

OnTheWayOut

My standard answer for those willing: Tell them to read some books.
My favorites to lead to freedom were Ray Franz's CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE
and Steve Hassan's COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL.

momzcrazy

Sounds like she is using you as a means to rebel. You've known each other a long tme, so there is a sense of security for her.

Talk frankly about what she is wanting out of all this. Make clear what you are wanting.

If you don't mind her using you, and can enjoy yourself while she does, then have fun. But wear a CONDOM!!!

momz

Carlos_Helms

"Any suggestions about how I politely go about planting the ole' seed o' doubt in her mind?"

You mean with all those other seeds you've planted?

As an outsider looking in, I'm seeing an irresponsible young man taking advantage of a mentally-unstable young woman. In my world, that's called a predator.

Don't give me any of that crap about her "being of age," etc, etc. I don't give a damn about "legalities." She is disadvantaged, as you yourself have said...and you're overriding goal is to get in her pants. If she was MY daughter...

You'd better do something to change those predatory "instincts" - or your life is going to be a living hell.

Carlos

Suggestions for JW Girlfriend?

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