I've had this theory for some time and alluded to it occassionally but have never explored it in detail.
It is of course a huge generalisation so no, not everyone will fit into the boxes and I'd like people's opinion. I don't know everyone's circumstances so it's based on a small sample of some of those I do know something about. It could be completely wrong, it's just an idea.
Basically, I have seen a difference between some of those ex-JWs who walked out vs those who were kicked out.
The most bitter and obsessive seem to be the kicked out and, I must add, those who were legitimately kicked out. Yes, there were many who were ejected for bogus reasons - typically they were a threat to the KH and kicked out before they left of their own accord so I count these as walk-outs.
The kicked-outs I'm thinking of are those where there were good reasons to kick them out based on the rules in place. So, it could be because of drugs, morality issues or whatever. Basically, they didn't measure up to the standards in place for the group they wanted to belong to and were given the boot. While we sometimes look at things with rosy spectacles on and imagine that anyone who is no longer a JW must be a better person the fact is that this is of course not the case - there are some very nice people who still are JWs (and we hope they wake up!) and there are some despicable people who no longer are - it is a danger to assume that all ex-JWs must be like us and must have left for good reasons or will 'be our friend' just because we once belonged to the same club.
Now, some of these seem to be the most obsessive and even 20 years after they have not moved on, they still define themselves as ex-JWs, their circle of friends and people they associate with (often online) are other ex-JWs and they cannot let things go.
I wonder if some, deep down, still believe any of it or are worried about the future because of their past? Maybe they are just bitter because deep down they know *they* were the ones who failed - as much as they would like to blame the society they know it was their fault but joining in with people who oppose the WTS enabled them to transfer what really happened into the belief that they somehow stood up for something when the reality is they probably just cheated on their wife or something.
Those who decided to walk out seem to be more grounded and thoughtful and, from my experience, be the ones that move on quicker once they have got answers to their questions and the immediate support but then want to live a normal life and not define themselves via the WTS.
Does that make sense?
As I said, I know it's a sweeping generalisation and of course no people who are the exceptions to the rule (if it is a rule at all). Has anyone else noticed any difference like this? I'm trying to explain to myself why someone who apparently "left" the WTS 20+ years ago would still be on ex-JW forums and still so wrapped up in everything.
There are of course whose who have used their JW experience and it's inspired them to puut effort into helping others ... I don't count these as obsessive though so I do want to be clear that just because someone may have left 20+ years ago and posts on an ex-JW forum now doesn't mean they fit this mold. There is no time limit to recovery or moving on and staying to help others is different to staying for, well ... I don't know why!
Well, as I said, it's just a theory and a few ideas that to me help to explain some people's behavior and inability to move on. If you are working to help others, I wasn't refering to you. If you are an obsessive crazy who can't let go ... maybe I was.