I finally said it...I don't like jw's (page 2)

jamiebowers

If you don't want to leave the marriage, at least leave her to her own devices. When you're on vacation, go somewhere and enjoy yourself. If she wants to join you, fine. If not, oh well. I'd do the same thing on the weekends. If she sees you enjoying life without her, she very well may want to join you.

Mrs. Fiorini

There are some good books out on how to help your loved one out of a cult. You might find "Releasing the Bonds, Empowering People to Think for Themselves" by cult expert Steven Hassan helpful.

Black Sheep

I have been tip toeing around my family's feelings since I discovered I had been raised in a cult.

I hadn't made the mistake of baptism which is the only thing that I ever got right in my life.

The way I see it is that there are two ways of getting rid of the stress in my life, get my family out of the cult so that they cannot damage more innocent children, like I was, or, um, well, I thought I had something really clever to say now, but, when I think about it, it sounds really pathetic.

I had a heart attack two weeks ago.

My counselor says I have to seriously cut down on stress, as that is my primary risk factor.

Cheers
Chris

lisavegas420

You're on vacation...take off and do something you enjoy. Invite her to go along...if she doesn't want to go, take a friend.

Enjoy you life...NOW.

lisa

carla

I know exactly how you feel as I am in a similar situation. It is quite like they are having an affair isn't it? When this all first started in my house (he joined up later in life) and people heard how time consuming or should I say life consuming the cult is, friends would ask if I didn't wish it was 'just' an affair instead because you have some clue how to deal with that. Hard to compete with the lure of paradise earth and their eternal salvation isn't it?

Most people have no idea how it changes a marriage. The silent language of what you used to have can disappear because they are so obsessed with all things jw they forget the little looks/gestures and their meaning. They are not there physically so the intimacy and closeness slowly ebbes away. Suddenly even jokes can be taboo, I"m not talking raunchy, just life because they are trying so hard to be pious that everything becomes 'sinful' in some way. Movies, books, ...... The pink elephant is always there and sometimes sitting between the two of you.

As for your argument and your spilling the beans on your true feelings, well, it will probably blow over in time (been there a million times). Though you have let the cat out of the bag and are now a full fledged 'opposer'. Sounds like you have done your homework. I was like that too and damn if I couldn't have a PHd by now! instead my head is filled with the nonsense and history of the wt. And with the heartbreaking stories of all the ex jw boards. I hope you two find a better way to communicate than we did. We would try to have a jw discussion and some of these could literally last all day. They never went well. I tried bible only, scandals, dishonesty in translation, the unspoken rules & regulations in the congs, you name it I have tried it. Read all the books and have quite a library of cult and anti jw books now. I do know that hitting them over the head with all that is wrong with the jw's does not work. Have you thought about possibly reading the bible together (New Testament and not the NWT) and if necessary no commentary by either of you? I have noticed over the years a number of ex jw's have said that reading Romans or Galations really made them start questioning.

I don't allow jw's at or anywhere near my house either, EVER! What's good for the goose is good for the gander and I told him if he was going to have jw's over I would have meetings here with ex jw's, that solved that problem. Imagine his fright at the thought of a true apostate sitting in his living room?! Some don't agree with that point of view but we have kids and I don't want them near jw's. Their father has changed profoundly and they can see it. They have done some research on their own and know all about the scandals, unbiblical doctrines, unscholarly work, etc...etc...

No way around it, it is hard to have a loving relatiionship with someone who wishes you dead isn't it? or at the least hangs around people who cannot wait for 99% of the population to be dead. They of course somehow think their loved ones will magically be exempt from destruction or their zealousness will somehow make up for our lack and maybe, just maybe we will make it into the new system with them. Or maybe they hope we will kick the bucket before the big A and we will have another chance? either way it sucks.

I wish you well my fellow ubm. Do you have a good friend you can confide in as well as this board? You will need both for your own sanity. Don't let the pink elephant squash you.

all the best,

carla

I hope you can reach her or find a truce of sorts.

Devilsnok

I think you may have made a mistake in banning Jw's from your house. She'll now go and tell the others that they are banned and the " persecution " alarm will be rung. There's one thing you can't do to an active JW and thats "persecute" them, they batton down the hatches and dig in deep and wont budge an inch on anything.

reniaa

Can I ask you guys if it was any other faith that asks a lot of devotion and commitment i,e Jewish, muslim, hindu would you feel the same?

If you yourself had a strong religion not JWs and attended church giving a strong level of commitment to that God, would you give it up because your wife/husband said she/he didn't like it or the people and found it offensive?

Do we as humans have a right to tell another adult what they can and cannot worship? children are brought up in their parents faith but eventually they have to make a choice as adults for themselves but you as husbands/wifes do you have the right to make a spouse give up personal belief because you don't agree with it?

You may say "well it effects my life in a negative way" but would you then give your spouse a list of acceptable religions that you feel they can follow that wouldn't cause you to much hassle?

Someone having a strong faith in God is not unfaithfulness but it is something people will understand less and less these days, the concept that God is first is something most faiths do not in practise do anymore, if we have a faith now we bend it to our wishes not the other way round these days.

If my husband said to me "You can't be a JW because I don't like it " I would say "I'm sorry you don't like it" and try and make him feel loved around my being a witness but I would not give up my faith in Jehovah for him.

DoomVoyager

Can I ask you guys if it was any other faith that asks a lot of devotion and commitment i,e Jewish, muslim, hindu would you feel the same?

You fail to recognize the fundamental difference between a faith and a cult. Now run along to the Kingdumb Hell and don't start an argument in this thread, we don't need it. PM me if you feel a need to reply.

Mary

Reniaa said: Can I ask you guys if it was any other faith that asks a lot of devotion and commitment i,e Jewish, muslim, hindu would you feel the same?

The answer Reniaa, is "Yes. If another cult demanded a ridiculous amount of a person's time to be spent on the religion instead of with your "unbelieving mate", then I'm pretty sure people would feel the same way."

If you yourself had a strong religion not JWs and attended church giving a strong level of commitment to that God, would you give it up because your wife/husband said she/he didn't like it or the people and found it offensive?

It has absolutely nothing to do with a person's "commitment to God". In this case, it's the ridiculous amount of time that his wife is spending doing JW things that are nowhere listed in the scriptures. A person can be "committed to God" without it interfering with their marriage. This religion ruined my grandparents' marriage when my grandmother started going. 5 meetings a week, Service, studying for the meetings and pioneering left little time for Grandpa and they basically ended up living seperate lives. Unfortunately, this isn't an isolated case: This frigging cult has ruined many a marriages, not because of the bible, but because of the man-made traditions that they enforce on their members.

If my husband said to me "You can't be a JW because I don't like it " I would say "I'm sorry you don't like it" and try and make him feel loved around my being a witness but I would not give up my faith in Jehovah for him.

Wow. Interesting comment from someone who's only "considering going back" Reniaa. Bit of a slip up there eh?

lisavegas420

Can I ask you guys if it was any other faith that asks a lot of devotion and commitment i,e Jewish, muslim, hindu would you feel the same?

No..it wouldn't make any difference to me if it wasn't even a religion or faith. If he wants to spend more time with ANYTHING else..more than me, that he needs to back his stuff and be gone.

If you yourself had a strong religion not JWs and attended church giving a strong level of commitment to that God, would you give it up because your wife/husband said she/he didn't like it or the people and found it offensive?

No..if ANYTHING meant more to me than my husband. Then I'd back up my stuff and be gone.

Do we as humans have a right to tell another adult what they can and cannot worship? children are brought up in their parents faith but eventually they have to make a choice as adults for themselves but you as husbands/wifes do you have the right to make a spouse give up personal belief because you don't agree with it?

I don't have the right to tell any adult what to do. But I can choose who I'll be with and how I'll allow that person to treat me. If the person I want to be with, would rather be else where than he can go. Same for me.

lisa

I finally said it...I don't like jw's

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