My marriage is falling apart!

by sacolton 49 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  momzcrazy

  You may be able to find a therapist who can help you both deal with the big changes. And they will be able to help her get her anger out and dealt with. It can be very beneficial to go. Therapists aren't supposed to encourage divorce, they help keep the marriage together. You can do so much there without bringing the WTS into the picture, so she wouldn't have any conflicts. Her willingness to go will give you insight into she feels about your marriage.

  My husband and I are going to therapy and it has helped so much. She focuses on why we fell in love, and how to keep the love strong.
• 

  elder-schmelder

  I think that you should put your old photo on here.

  elder-schmelder
• 

  yknot

  I'm just wondering how effective would marriage counselling be if she is only going to listen to the direction of the organziation?

  Better to try and fail then not try at all........

  States differ on licensing requirments, so discern their credentials carefully.

  Also your leaving is still 'new' so feelings and wounds are still somewhat 'fresh' and transitional.
• 

  anewme

  Its sad that your marriage is suffering like this, but that is life. Nothing is certain. Not your money, not your health and not your marriage.
  Having been through this and other crisis in life I have come to believe that there are happy times in life and sad times. It cycles.
  Anyway, divorce is not that bad. Really. It is not like anyone dies...or is murdered.
  You both stay alive. You just no longer live under the same roof. Kind of like before you met.
  
  When no children are involved the task of divorce is not as difficult.
  
  
  Marriage counseling only works when the couple is committed to staying together despite a big shift in their relationship.
  
  But it is very hard when one mate is interfered with by an organization which constantly demonizes
  the other mate. Very hard.
  
  But like I say divorce is not that bad of a choice. It can be a very freeing thing really.
• 

  AWAKE&WATCHING

  (((((((((HUGS)))))))))
• 

  BurnTheShips

  Sorry Sacolton.

  I can tell you from experience that sometimes these things take years to sort out. You have to decide if it is worth it. I stayed in for a very long time for my wife.

  BTS
• 

  Awakened at Gilead

  Well I feel for you Sacolton, you know my story...

  I agree with anewme, that divorce is not that bad (I am loving my new single w/ gf life)..

  But if the marriage is good and worth saving, there is hope... I know personally how tough it is to live with a mate that feels you are under Satan's control... at least you still believe in God and Satan... for me I was despised even more because I became an atheist and don't believe in anything supernatural, including god, satan, demons, tooth fairies, etc...

  Hang in there bud.. but at some point you will need to make a decision if you are going to stick this out or start over....
• 

  mouthy

  I am so sorry .It is awful how many marriages they seem to impose themselves into.

  My only advice is to continue to show LOVE!!! If you really DO love her work hard at it...
  I personally believe divorce must be harder than losing one in death( which I did) because it feels like a failure on both parts.
  But since you have been a JW & know how devious the Elders are,even to telling her you are now demonized .... Show her the real YOU. Loving, caring ,dont argue about her religion..Her mind is too overtaken by 12? old men at Brooklyn Bethel...

  God be with you

  Mouthy
• 

  BluesBrother

  This is why I am not disassociated , and I do not go looking for confrontation with the elders, although at times the temptation to so is great.

  Sister Blues is the kind of committed dub for whom her faith is everything. She may criticize the cong but in our house it is a subject that may weave in and out any conversation as naturally as talking about what is for lunch..If she were bound not to mention "The Truth" , the strain would be tremendous. By keeping the line of communication open and attending some meetings with her, I am at least a part of her world, even if she knows that I no longer believe ..It gives us something to do together on a Sunday,..Otherwise???

  I an sorry Sac, I can really feel for you. and I am sure that your wife is going through a hard time. The women on here have given some super,insightful comments .

  I can only hope that you and your wife can work things out....
• 

  Mickey mouse

  Sorry to hear you're having marriage problems. We have experienced a fair bit of strain on our marriage since I expressed my apostate feelings to hubby. We are finding a way to support each other emotionally even though we don't always agree on the cause of the emotional upset. For instance, last Sunday I really struggled with a particularly cultic public talk. I broke down in tears when we arrived home. Hubby hugged me and listened even though he doesn't yet acknowledge all the things I see in the borg - particularly the control issues.

  One thing I have realised is that I have shown him far more of the bitter side of my bitter/sweet awakening. This week I shared with him how much more mentally, emotionally and spiritually free I feel, how much more of an appreciation I have for nature and art. He also finds my new found honesty refreshing (after all, life in the borg is all about deluding ourselves and others). To coin a JW phrase, you need to "find common ground". Mickey. x