I feel that I MUST reply to this thread, as it seems to be about my life. LOL. Anyway, my husband and I have an open marriage. It didn't happen overnight, slowly like a light dawning. First off, the idea of monogamy is mainly a christian one, instilled into us by our society. Well, what if you don't adhere to christian beliefs anymore??? You have to find where your limits are all over again. Just for the record, now that I have redefined my "morals" and my "beliefs" I feel a hundred times more spiritual and really a better person because now I'm honest and I don't do or not do things because someone told me that's how to feel. This is just my two cents, but neither my husband nor I (excuse my grammar) have had much "sexual experience" before getting married. Me none at all, he was married before me to his first girlfriend. His only sexual partner. Anyway, due to problems in our relationship, I found comfort somewhere else after about four years of marriage. I told my husband immediately. Not only was he not jealous, he just held me as I was wracked with guilt and said "really what does this have to do with you and me?" And he was right. A relationship that consists of two people who truly love each other, and really like each other isn't really affected by a truly physical thing. We do have rules. No long term relationships. But neither of us want that, we have each other.. Our "openess" is based on spontanaity. If my husband is at a science fiction convention without me and a fan follows him around and he has a two day fling... I hope he has a fantastic time. I hope he can treasure the memory and I hope it adds color to his life. Thats what real love is all about. I wish my husbands life to be as full as it can be, any enjoyement he can find in this old world, more power to him. If I'm out clubbing and I get carried away in the moment with someone, okay. And for you guys that think that men can't help but be to jealous, I've done it, no problems. And I'm completely honest with him. He doesn't want all the details but he just waves it away and says "whats for dinner?" or something. I don't think this arrangement will work in all marriages so I'm not promoting it for everybody, but for us, it works well, and has actually increased our trust and dependency on each other as shelters from the outside world. Anyone wants to e-mail me about this, I'd be happy to share the ups and downs.
open marriages, anyone have experience?
by Pierced Angel 77 Replies latest social relationships
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scootergirl
I don't think this arrangement will work in all marriages
Most definately wouldn't in mine!
To each there own, but my idea of marriage is.....
One man, one woman. When I took that marriage vow, I vowed to be faithful......and he faithful to me. The problem that I have with multiple sexual partners is this.......I am not the kind of person that can just have "casual" sex. Never have been that way...well, okay, there was that one time with that one guy.....but that was many years ago. The thought of me having a "fling" with another man and my husband being okay with it just isn't what I want.
My life is very simple. Man/husband, woman/wife, children, home, dog (had to include the dog in there). I am not one of those women that gets "lost" in her marriage......I didn't give up my identity when I became Mrs. Gould. We are both our own people with different tastes and ideas, likes and dislikes. What we have is a sharing of two great worlds......I can't imagine bringing more people into that.
I guess my question is why be married if you are going to have an open marriage? I don't understand......but then agian, that lifestyle isn't for me.....so it really isn't for me to understand.
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Englishman
The re-appearance of this thread was enough for me to point it out to Her Ladyship. (She appreciated the pretty wife comment BTW!).
I can't persuade her to post on this, but she commented that in her opinion, the whole idea of marriage is based on fidelity surely?
Then she said that if a couple started to talk about having an open marriage, then, again in her opinion, the marriage was already failing and that this was just another step in that process.
Meanwhile, I shall cogitate on this.
Englishman.
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JT
Let's see, what have I learned? If your marriage is in trouble, don't bring other people into the picture. Either fix it or get out of it first. Now Joel and I, we're just trying to heal and remain on friendly terms. I should have considered counseling for the two of us a long time ago, but mistakes that can't be fixed have been made.
the above comment was made and it was Deeep!- even though i view religion/bible/god as all pretty much the same product just different packages-
i just can't understand the concept of "Open Marriage" I realize folks can do what the He!! they want to, but I'm trying to understand why get married- I guess it depends on what ones view of marriage is- to me marriage is about 2 single folks who have decided to start a project together- i love how many who do have open marriage refer to "Ground rules" like you can't fall in love with the other person, which to me is like just having sex with an Inflatable woman or a woman using a vibrator-
most men who have sex with inflatable women don't fall in love with them and most women i dare say who use a vibrator don't fall in love with it in the manner you would another human,
so to tell your wife , now look here honey, when he is bringing you to a climax, just make sure you don't feel nothing- or a wife telling her husband now johnny when she makes you climax just think about trimming the hedges in the yard on sat morning-
i find it amazing that something as physical and emotional as the sexual act can be reduced to
Now don't you feel nothing for this guy ok baby-]
while i hear alot of poster say they do it and know others who do it and are as happy as a lark , for some reason i just don';t buy it in terms of the long run-
for example take a woman who is in an open marriage , what happens when she gets alittle heavy due to just the passing of time and her husband is doing it with a Pam Lee and always talking about how wonderful her body is, and since they have an open marriage it should'nt be problem right
or-- Lord have mercy --if a wife start telling her hubby he got a little "Wiggle Worm" but Big Jim Bo is hung like a Horse and ever time he steps out of the shower she just looks at his little "worm" and smiles
I just don't get it- as a man the thought of me freely telling Leroy up the street --you want to Bang Lady "C" for the night - I just don't get it-
and regardless of how you try to dress it up as being "Mature", etc THE the bottom line IS--
as a wife you are asking another woman does she what YOUR husband to make her climax and as a married man you are asking another man to wear your Wife A$$ out for the evening
"WE SORRY"
women, we all know that the media influnces women in terms of how they veiw their bodies , even little girls at 13 are talking about i need to lose wieght i'm too fat- while many women are able to not allow
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avishai
I for one was always confused by how much fundy christianity, & jw's take from the old testament, all except the polygamy. I mean, hey, lookit good ol' abraham, his wife foisted off her servant girl on him. And what about the kings of israel? Not just marriages for alliances, etc, but what about all the concubines? So why is it that everyone looks at htis as such a basic concept, aholy concept in christianity when it is really relatively recent concept, biblically speaking? Why is it such a big deal?First off, the idea of monogamy is mainly a christian one
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animal
With life being as short as it is, I feel that whatever works for you and your marraige, do it.
I think my wife would go for it, if the other lady did dishes, vacummed, etc....
Animal
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LucidSky
So what exactly is so abhorant about someone loving more than one person in a romantic way? I guess you're right Xena. People attach so much meaning to romance/sex... like it should be a fantasy world where one person fulfills another in absolutely every way, forever. Nice picture, but I don't think it happens often.
Let's see, what have I learned? If your marriage is in trouble, don't bring other people into the picture. Either fix it or get out of it first.
Good advice. Sorry things didn't work out for you two, Anne.
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slipnslidemaster
I'm so sorry for both of you Joel and Anne. My thoughts are with you both.