*smacks slip* be good! :P
open marriages, anyone have experience?
by Pierced Angel 77 Replies latest social relationships
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slipnslidemaster
I AM good with my
Slipnslidemaster: MerryChristmas!
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slipnslidemaster
p.s. Are you 18 yet?
. o O (counting the hours)
Slipnslidemaster: MerryChristmas!
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Naeblis
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Utopian Reformist
About three months ago, at work in Boston, one of the employees (female 45) wanted me to know that her marriage was "open". I asked what that meant, and she said either mate is allowed a one-time fling, with prior notice, with a person they happen to meet.
I asked how often could she use this feature of her marriage, and the reply was "whenever". So, I began to think what if in the middle of all this a husband comes home, do you say hello, I'm so-and-so?
Do you sneak around in motels and cars, even though you have permission? What do your neighbors or friends/relatives think? Can you experiment?
I have never indulged in this behavior, although many years ago I did experience alot of secret rendezvous's with older married women.
I don't know.
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Mindchild
Hi Anne,
You bring up an interesting topic and an important one. Regardless of what people want to believe (namely that they will always be faithful to each other) the statistics don't support this and show really that our culture practices serial monogamy, giving us different sex partners at different times in our lives.
Various people have found various ways to deal with our instinctual desire to have new sex partners (I say this because there is ample biological evidence that our species and others are promiscuous) including open marriages but I might suggest a few things to consider before jumping off into this option.
My first thought is that you both may not be prepared for such a lifestyle. There are literally millions of people who practice an open marriage, and I’ve too had open relationships, but I discovered that many successful relationships of this type have a few common characteristics.
First, the primary couple (you and your husband in this case) needs to have established a great bonding and honesty between themselves and mutual trust. This prevents jealousy from being a problem. If you can’t trust your partner to be loyal to you, you will be worried and jealous. It will spoil your fun and make the relationship progressively deteriorate.
Second, many people in a relationship start wandering around looking for other partners because their sex life has gotten stale and boring. It is not the physical attraction it is the way you experience sex that is important. Sex is a celebration of being human, of being able to enjoy yourself and use the power of sex to heal your body and evolve. It is much more than just the old in and out, 5 min speedy service, and roll over and go to sleep. I personally feel that sex should last for hours, and take your breath away! If it is done with passion, feeling, love, and intensity…it should go a long ways in making both of you really hot for each other and not the least concerned about one or the other looking for sex on the side.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that men are only capable of hit and run sex. Men are multiorgasmic just like women and are capable of having such intense feelings during sex that it is impossible for them to even speak during their extended orgasms. I suggest you both study Tantric sex and other sexual techniques to really get an idea of what you are missing.
Once you have done your homework and you know how to experience sex the way it should be, then start thinking about kink and other ways of making your sex life extraordinary. Maybe you might want to consider other couples or threesomes at that time but I believe the old rule holds true: the couple who plays together stays together. Take it slow when you bring others into your play. Make sure there is no jealousy and that you both enjoy the experience with the new person and that you guys are in charge. From then on, let your imagination be your guide.
If you never get to the point where you both want to have great sex with each other or can’t there is something wrong with the relationship and you need to fix it. Most ex-dubs never really learned good relationship management skills. They just got the same old worn out excuse of men dominating women, not having an equal relationship. Time for some more homework there as well.
I hope something here was of value.
Skipper
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Xena
Anne,
Please email me....we have a situation similar to yours and I think we might be able to share some of our experiences....
and where did ya'll say you lived????
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Englishman
Open marriages eh?
Go on, give it a try!
The marriage WILL end, without any doubt. You see, people who have an open marriage are really hankering back to their free days of singleness. It's hard for some people to say "Wow, Is this the only person that I am ever going to have sex with again?"
You do get couples who have an affection for each other who sometimes agree to play around anyway. It happens, but your marriage is doomed the minute you have sex with someone else because you are not prepared to pay the price of a happy marriage which is to forsake all others.
Sorry, I don't mean to be a kill-joy, but if you can't resist shagging someone else, then you ain't gonna spend the rest of your life together!
Sorry ladies but you have totally blown it. These husbands WILL move on and leave you, that I promise, you mark my words and remember please that I told you.
Englishman.
Bring on the dancing girls!
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Naeblis
Actually Englishbloke, lots of people have happy marriages and relationships that are open. I think you're generalizing a bit. Just because you can't have an open relationship doesn't mean that noone else can. Personally, I don't think I could do it. Not with anybody that I really cared about anyways.
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tyydyy
Just curious Englishman,
Do you have any experience or evidence that supports such a prophetic statement?
TimB