My original plan was for a gradual fade of about 2 years. However, the elders were getting suspicious after I resigned from my positions in the organization. So, during the meeting I decided to leave. On the way home I decided to never return. It's been over a year now. So far, so good. In fact that very day I posted here for the first time, and I can thank many on this board for their suggestions that have helped me navigate this road.
Did you Fade Gradually or Stop Attending Meetings Quickly ? Reasons ?
by flipper 90 Replies latest jw friends
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Found Sheep
welcome!
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Found Sheep
oops should have specified welcome "no lies please"
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chickpea
we had a huge crisis with our kids that derailed the train...
distractions and debt, plus a pandemic depression startedwe gave up the decade-long privilege of "book study hosting",
then began missing more meetings than attending, slack
FS, and a gradual withdrawal from the lunatics who could
only think to say "where have you been?" any time they
would encounter you in public....i was in AGONY for months, feeling like i was failing g0d
i kept a sticky note in my line of sight in the bedroom
so every morning as i dressed i read a latin phrase
that jung had carved over the entrance to his home
and then ultimately on his headstonevocatus atque non vocatus, deus adreit
summoned or unsummoned god is there
every day i begged BEGGED to know god's will...
are you jehovah? are you another? what will you
have me do or be or say or believe? it was helli was in a fade before i ever knew what a fade was
when my youngest kid revealed his unenviable
status as a female to male transgender, and i
considered his HIS chances of survival with me
slaving for a religion that would have me shun HIM...that is when i chucked the whole thing and totally
embraced the life of an LGBTQ parent/advocate
and i have NEVER looked back....i stumbled onto this site in nov 2007.... followed a link
to a link to a link to rickross.com to here... joined the
day i first read about the b0rg/cult's deceptive ways...been sharing THAT good news with anyone who opens
the conversational door, as it were, blowing the cover
off the WTS with more enthusiasm than i could ever have
mustered in the D2D buffoonery -
flipper
Been working a lot the last few days, so I'll answer the 1st page first, then go on from there. Thanks for all your comments !
FACTFINDER- Sounds like you went through ill treatment by judgmental elders like I did. I understand how you felt in just not wanting to go to meetings. And then when they don't even call to check on you - it's a wonder MORE people don't leave the organization. I hope you are finding happiness now my friend. Good luck to you.
MAMALOVE- Good for you. I'm glad you stopped attending. Sounds like you just went sporadically due to your job travels- but hey - the good thing is that job travel took you away from meetings ! Right ? Hope things are going a bit more smoothly for you my friend. Keep your chin up.
WASBLIND- It sure WAS like a ton of bricks being lifted off when we stopped didn't it ? I'm glad you felt that too.
BLONDIE- I never knew that you have NO relatives that socialize with you. So your husband's non-witness relatives STILL hold it against you guys due to the fact you at one time were witnesses ? Aren't your husbands elatives HAPPY that you got OUT of the witnesses ? Why do they still grind an axe against you guys ? Just curious. Well- Please know that you are loved on this board for sure ! I really enjoy your posts.
JWGONEBAD- Glad to have you here friend ! It usually IS lots of reasons we fade, isn't it ? I'm happy for you. Hang in there.
ERIC 356- It sounds like you played it really smart with your fade. You assessed your situation and analyzed things then made your moves accordingly. Pretty cool on your part. I admire that. I found that the " cold turkey " method worked best for me too. Some JW relatives respected my move, some did not. But I felt it was a chance I had to take for my own sanity. The elders NEVER had answers- except for T society instruction answers ! LOL ! Hell- most of em didn't know their bible's anyway ! Good for you on getting your freedom ! I hope things are working out well for you !
BROKEN PROMISES- It sounds like your work circumstances really assisted you in doing your fade. That's good. Then when you did the search engine on the Internet it expedited the speed in that you got out 6 months later ! Good for you. It sounds like you have handled it well with your believing JW family and have kept a relationhip with them. That's good. Hope you are finding some happiness .
AUSSIE OZ- Hi Aussie ! Nice hearing from you. Sounds like you exited quickly as well. I found it was easier to do it that way myself. I hope in time you got over your self loathing as that is what the WT society WANTED us to think of ourselves. Hope you are finding happiness now.
JEFF T- Pretty cool experience. I'm glad you went back to college ( in spite of the idiot WT society's weird counsel ) and gained a good education. I found that hilarious that you & your wife were both reading crisis of Conscience without either knowing at the time. Very cool . And you were thinking about your kids future- which was great too ! Good for you. You did a sudden stop also. I agree- ear that bandaid off ! It only hurts for a little while then. I'm glad you ave found happiness.
WT WIZARD- I remember you saying the elders didn't want you around women before. How bizzare ! Did they think you were " Jack the Ripper " or something ? What would make the elders SAY this to you ? If you feel more comfortable PMing me- feel free. Inquiring minds wanna know - you know. LOL ! Anyway - I'm glad you got out of the falsehood of the org. and kudos for buying an Oujia board. I've still never tried one . Hope you are finding happiness
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Palimpsest
Started slowly and not really consciously...I just started missing a lot of meetings (even ones held at my house!) and not feeling bad about it. And then I went to the Memorial one year, realized it was the stupidest thing I'd ever done, and never went back.
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flipper
Great comments folks ! Keep em coming ! It helps ALL of us when we read WHAT made you fade and how you came to a decision to fade fast or slow. I've been working lots the last couple days. Sorry for the delay in my responses. answered pg. 1 totally. Now on to pg. 2 . Thanks again.
WOBBLE- You had the EXACT same thought I did when I walked out of the kingdom hall " I ain't NEVER going back ! " And like yourself, I had an 80 something year old JW mom I didn't want to hurt by getting DFed . I'm glad for you that you & your wife have your freedom of mind & thinking now. Good for you. I feel like you- I don't WANT to be at JW social gatherings because the cultspeak would nauseate me. I'm glad you had access to JWN to see how to deal with the elders when they bothered you. I wish you & wifey the best !
MMXIV- It sounds like you put a lot of thought into your fade as well. Building up your education and providing for yourself where YOU could control your destiny & situation was EXTREMELY smart on your part ! Good job. Getting your life set up was really intelligent on your part. AND aquiring non-JW friends helped you to have a network or support group AFTER exiting the witnesses. But it sounds like your fade has gone well for you as you still are able to be close to your parents- that's good. I've tried to do the same thing ith my parents- so far, so good. Keep it up guy.
OLDLIGHTNEWSHITE- You bring up a really good point when you asked if you would still be friends with most of these JW people if you had never been put into the cult ? Probably not. Like you said only 10 % of them are generally worth hanging out with as there is such a judgmental attitude with witnesses. I couldn't do the gradual fade thing either as I felt a lot of anger towards unjust elders when I stopped attending. When they met with me in a back room before a meeting asking me insulting questions and making insulting comments to me- I actually wanted to crawl across the table and rip one of their faces off ! That's how MAD I was ! So- I totally understand the anger bit you talked about. Been there, done that one. I hope you don't have to fake it too much anymore to your JW family- as that can get exhausting. I wish you all the happiness you can find friend. Peace out , Mr. Flipper
Have to break for dinner. Hope to be back to continue later tonight- but if not, will continue replying in order to folks tomorrow ! Have a great evening ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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factfinder
@Flipper- thank you my friend!
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blondie
flipper, it is hardest on my husband, they're his family. At family things they don't talk to me specifically. Irreverent finally had a kind discussion about how they treated us and said that our visits would end if they didn't grow up. They were most upset about holidays and birthdays. Strangely enough now that we are willing and eager to celebrate they have very little interest. No presents, no tree, no visit to church as a family. No birthday presents, parties, just a card (they missed mine last year). Irreverent was the one his mother leaned on and now he is neither POA and it is probably likely he will inherit nothing. I hang out with my BIL who is ignored like me. You don't have to be a jw to be a pain in the rear.
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cantleave
From Hero to Zero in a Year.
March 2009, was an elder and did the Memorial talk. By March 2010 had stopped attending and did not attend memorial. I wasn't struck down dead and feel happier than I have ever been.
Fast fade rules OK!