Thanks for all the replies ! It sounds like most of you are doing pretty well and have thought out your fades & exits carefully. My wife & I were without electricity for 6 days- so I apologize for not responding. I'd like to bump this up for more who wish to share their fading experiences . Look forward to hearing from more of you ! Back online again ! Hopefully won't lose electricity again ! Take care. Peace out, mr. Flipper
Did you Fade Gradually or Stop Attending Meetings Quickly ? Reasons ?
by flipper 90 Replies latest jw friends
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flipper
Going to work all night tonight so I wanted to bump this up if any of you wanted to share your experiences ! It may help others by seeing how you faded ! Hope to hear from you
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whathappened
I have quit cold turkey. My last meeting was about 6 wks ago. I will never step foot in a KH again, maybe not even for a family members funeral. I cannot pretend to tolerate the bs anymore. I have thrown all my literature in the dumpster. I have only a couple of bibles and an old Paradise book, just for sentimental reasons. Threw out my return visit book too. Those folks are off the hook. 2 elders have called to check on me on the phone. I was perky and told them nothing is wrong. I am going to play this by ear, but am a pretty good actress, and may fake a stumbling or something similar.
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nugget
we intended a slow fade but once we made the decision that the organisation was rotten to the core it seemed stupid to give any more time to it. We stayed off the radar until our cyber stalker caused us to be Df'd a year later. I sincerely hope he sticks arounds and reads the posts here. I don't wish the guilt on him merely the opportunity to learn how dumb he has been giving loyalty to this rubbish.
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DagothUr
I'm not the fader type. I knew I was on my way out months before my DA. But I stayed inside a little more because of personal reasons. During those months I was still gun ho, like I was reaching for a MS appontment, but I was faking. No one saw it coming. Yesterday we were in FS together, today I gave them the DA letter and adieu. I was the only JW member of my family (converted), so I don't give a blind sheep on the Zerg's shunning policy. I had 3 Bible studies of my own and I stalled them and managed to keep them pretty far from the water until the day I left. I also maintained a respectful distance between me and them. No feelings, just study. If they will baptize or not is their business. If there is a flawless DA, mine is. No victims, no regrets, no going back.
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flipper
Now I know why I didn't reply on some of these posts- our electricity went out for 6 days in late November and I couldn't reply to the end of pg. 2.
So, I'll do my best to reply now. I'll start with finishing pg.2 replies.
LIFELONG HUMANIST- You really have been patient waiting on your wife for 7 years my friend to exit the JW's. Good for you. I too consider myself a humanist also. I'm glad you got your freedom finally and although shunning occurs, it's still better to have peace of mind for sure. Hope your weather got better in Scotland. It's sunny in California in the Sierra mountains right now in January. 65 degrees today.
LITTLE IMP- Wow. What an experience. Glad you got out of the witnesses. I hope you and hubby can live without interference from parents.
FOUND SHEEP- I'm glad you stopped two and a half years ago. It could be the elders didn't read your DA letter because they give at least 7 days for appeal and have to correspond with the WT society. So they probably will soon announce it.
ROBERT 7 - I'm glad you got out Robert. AND your wife too. Elders I've found were so incapable of answering questions because all they knew were giving WT answers. They really don't know anything. Like yourself I too decided to fade and not DA or DF to keep my association with my elderly JW parents and some other JW relatives. Hope things are going well for you folks.
OUTLAW- I agree. I got tired of the same blah meetings all the time too. I got so bored I'd fall asleep at them.
UNDERCOVER- My fade was pretty much like yours, although I just stopped cold turkey not attending meetings at all or going in service. But like yourself the elders tried calling me on the phone a few months after I stopped but I said I didn't want to meet with them ( because I knew they were trying to DF me ). So I ended up moving 40 miles away ! Glad you got out Undercover, you are a great asset to this board.
GRANDMA JONES- I agree that our personal opinions and not being allowed to question ANYTHING about JW doctrine being prohibited were a big problem to me too in listening to the WT society. I'm glad you and your sister have stopped attending. I too have to be careful what I say to my 80 something year old mom & dad who are witnesses. But the freedom of mind I have is worth not attending anymore. Nice having you here !
NUGGET- You and your husband Cantleave have done a great job in giving your children support and giving them hope for the future by getting them involved in life, holidays, and good fun school functions. I know you've had stresses lately, but hang in there, you will get through it, life gets better post JW .
LORIJIS- I hear what you are saying about the elders making fading nearly impossible sometimes. I experienced that too with elders trying to DF me without me going to a JC meeting. I fought it and won my appeal so as to still talk with my JW parents. I still get shunned by some of my JW relatives even though I'm NOT DFed. Lots of other people on this board go through that as well. Hang in there.
MANDETTE- Having a job on swing shift really helped you to get off the radar. At least your elder dad allowed you to fade without hassling you. It's good you have some non-witness friends to help you move on. Good for you. We need it.
FREE AT LAST 1914- I'm glad you and your wife have gained your freedom. I understand why you had to fade gradually for all the JW relatives you had. Freedom is definitely sweet for sure ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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flipper
NO LIES PLEASE- I'm glad you got out friend. If left up to the elders they would interrogate EVERYBODY who decides to exit the witnesses. It's good you didn't give them a chance. Better to avoid confrontations with elders as they try to bully people. I know as well. They tried bullying me. Hope you are doing well friend.
CHICKPEA- It sounds like you really had your share of stress with depression and family and financial stress. I'm happy for you that you exited the cult as the JW's and elders would have made your life MORE stressful regarding your child and your fade. We are glad you are here on this site.
PALMIMPSEST- Like yourself I found that just stopping attending meetings in time kept the elders from bugging me. But even a few years AFTER I stopped attending- they started chasing after me again due to my ex-wife ( a JW ) pushing the elders towards me. Glad you are out.
BLONDIE- I'm sorry your family members treat you and your husband badly with disrespect. You are right- people can be disrespectful, witness or non-witness.
CANTLEAVE- It is amazing isn't it how quickly we CAN fade if we put our mind to it ? I'm glad you are happy and you, your wife, and children have your freedom. Good for you !
WHATHAPPENED- I'm so proud of you joining your sister exiting the JW cult. Like yourself, I threw all my JW literature in the garbage bin as well. I didn't want ANYBODY else to be mind controlled or damaged from it ! LOL ! You seem like a pretty cool gal and a cool cucumber so I'm sure the " stumbling " thing will work well for you. Just don't give the elders any inch to snoop into your life and you'll be O.K. Hang in there, nice having you here !
NUGGET- I'm so glad you and your husband and children are out now, but that cyberstalker was just downright creepy. And he was a jerk for turning you guys in and causing your DFing. I think it would be a long while before he is free of cult mind control to understand what he did to you folks. Mind controlled people don't get it.
DAGOTHUR- It will make it a lot easier for you to move on without family members in the witnesses. It's good you look ahead with no regrets. It's also good you were able o keep distance between the elders and yourself as they DO try to be nosy. I wish you the best ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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dssynergy
I'm in the middle or end of a fade...not sure which. I haven't really attended a meeting for over a year, and was very sporatic prior to that. I attended a few funerals and the memorial in the last year. I'm a born in - who has never felt like I fit in once I was an adult. I was baptized at 16 even though I had strong doubts to please my mother. I do wish they'd acknowledge that some baptisms are not valid due to this kind of circumstance. *sigh*
If I had it to over again, I'd likely not be baptized, but would be a curious, supportive observer. At any rate, unlike some, I'm not filled with too much anger. I just want to walk away quietly with my dignity in tact. I'm fading because as a 4th generation JW, all of my family is in. If it were not for my sweet 9 year old nephew whom I adore, and my grandmother whom I'm very close to, I'd probably just DA.
I will attend the memorial this year, and attempt some of the summer assembly. I'll do enough to keep the wolves at bay. Eventually, I may be able to simply not go except for special occasions.
I will say though, that it is tricky and I can understand those who don't have the patience for it.
Thanks for this thread, btw, it has been very encouraging to see everyone's different experiences.
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flipper
DSSYNERGY- I'm glad you like the thread. It really is a benefit to see what everybody has been through in how they exited the witnesses. I do hope you are able to keep walking away from the witnesses with your dignity intact. Many times elders tend to try taking our dignity away from us so that we can't have a peaceful fade. I was a second generation JW so I understand the part about being careful due to family still inside. I hope you have found some happiness outside the witnesses my friend. Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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jookbeard
I suppose you could say the speed of my fade was "medium" when I was requested to sit on my JC on a charge of apostasy 1992 I was still active, within a couple of months my heart wasn't in it and I stopped completely,I attended the memorial of 1993 and said to myself walking out of the KH that this is it, I attended a DC briefly in 1995 (a couple of hours on the final Sunday) I was separated that year also from the JW wife, the rest they say is history, little pivotal moments always stick in the memory the Book Study is always the first thing that bites the dust and sometime early in 1993 I looked at the notice board in the KH and saw that my name had been deleted from the BS lists, in a way I felt sorry for my wife just seeing her name only I clearly had not become and developed into the theocratic man/husband that she had so much hoped for.