Did you Fade Gradually or Stop Attending Meetings Quickly ? Reasons ?

by flipper 90 Replies latest jw friends

  • finallysomepride
    finallysomepride

    Born in

    My fade went like this:

    Nov 1981 was my last time in FS

    1984 Realised it was all so wrong, but wanted to keep family, I would attend weekly for a while then not attend for some months, this went on right upto 2001 when we moved to Australia, we attended the Caloundra congregation a few times, but I could see for the first time how fake everything and everyone really was, so at the memorial night 2002 I made my very last meeting attendance, and never been back since.

    Over the years I started to forget the WT and I would go for many months without even giving the WT a single thought.

    Then came 2009 & something very personal happened in my life that started me thinking about life (both past & future) & I have to say I actually started thinking about returning to the WT.

    But before I did I made myself do a little bit of research, hence I found (refound) this place, god I'm so glad I found you guys.

  • MrFreeze
    MrFreeze

    I tried to resign as an MS and a pioneer and then fade. They wanted an excuse as to why I didn't feel I could do either/or. So I just told them right then my feelings on the religion. Sad, they still think they can change my mind. They tried to get the CO to come over and see me but I didn't answer the phone when the PO called and then when they knocked on the door, I didn't answer. I've had so many visits from the elders it is nauseating. They know my stance and that it's not going to change, could they either just leave me alone or DF me?

  • jookbeard
    jookbeard

    I was also born in, had a walk about phase in my teens and baptized in 1987 at The Hays Bridge CA UK

  • willyloman
    willyloman

    Once we decided life could be no worse if we just up and left, things just fell into place. We changed congregations on the excuse that there was a KH closer to our home. Some months later my wife became ill for about three months (but had a full recovery) which provided an excuse to "step aside" as an elder. Then I started missing a lot of meetings to "care for my wife."

    After a few months, called the congo secretary and told him we were moving to a different congo that met later in the day on Sunday so that "we could make more of the meetings." He said he would send our cards over to them along with a letter (which technically he wasn't supposed to do; Society direction is you show up at the other congo and they request the cards).

    We never went to the "new" congo. A month or so later the secretary from that congo called and said he'd received our cards but no one had seen us; he wanted to know if we had changed our minds about moving over. I told him we were fighting serious illness and that we would definitely be there when we got better. He called a few times after that but we screened all our calls and didn't pick up. There were a few messages left, which we deleted without answering.

    A few months later, an elder from one of our previous congos came by unannounced. He said he had spoken to some elders at a recent assembly and none of them had seen us at a KH in months. Ironically, I had just had some surgery and was on crutches. So he believed me when I said we were dealing with a series of health issues. I told him members of one of the other congos visited us often and that we were doing well spiritually (and we really were, altho not in the JW sense).

    Within a month or so, we were both healthy and fully functional; we never attended another meeting again. Our lifelong "friends" rapidly lost interest in us. We went on to develop other interests and new friends and now have a wonderful life.

    Like the rest of you, our circumstances were unique to us. What we did was use the knowledge the dub experience had taught us: you have to get off the radar by moving and resigning any "privileges" Then you lower your profile further by becoming weak publishers, missing a lot of meetings. Then you move again to get your cards transferred to a congo where they don't know you; elders hate having to deal with weak publishers who just moved into their congo and will find any excuse not to pursue them (they have enough problems already).

    We took this complicated path out of dubdom because we didn't want to lose our JW family, and it worked. They're all ex-dubs now.

  • Nice_Dream
    Nice_Dream

    I started doing research last April and was shocked to learn this religion wasn't what I thought it was. This caused me to have anxiety at the meetings, and I couldn't sit and listen to the talks without my heart racing. I used that as an excuse to stop going, and we haven't been back since. We have had many elder visits, monthly at times, but we don't answer the door or just tell them we're busy. They have finally cooled off a bit. Ideally, we would have moved to a new hall to fade successfully, but our circumstances didn't allow it. And I don't think my husband is ready to be a full "apostate" yet. He's stuck in a weird limbo, probably because he has his whole family to lose.

  • FifthOfNovember
    FifthOfNovember

    I stopped all at once. I was having doubts for months and missed one meeting (even though I skipped quite a bit) for whatever reason a few months back. Skipped the next meeting, said I'd go to the next one, skipped that one, said I'd go to the next, etc. My mom (who is not a JW) asked if I was quitting and I never really answered her for a few weeks. Then she asked again and I told her that I didn't have any intentions of going back and I was atheist. She was surprised at first but didn't really care. I think she was just surprised because everyone always assumed I would be going to the KH for life. Now that I've stopped my life has been great!

  • Butterflyleia85
    Butterflyleia85

    It's easy to stop attending meetings. I did it instantly the first time as a Jehovah's Witness in the past being unbaptised publisher. But my reasons was more... being tired of hearing the same crap over and over. When I stopped after baptism... and publicly reproved... it was because of shame... I went to my grandparents hall and then from there got publicly reproved again but shortly after DFed. I didn't stop going to meetings to try and get back in asap. After getting back in I stopped going because I hated how I got the love bombing as they say and then all of a sudden the rude cold shoulder... I felt what did I do now. So not only did I quit, I went back into my bad ways. I got DFed again. This time I said I wouldn't go back til I knew in my heart I was ready. I found out a whole bunch of things that now prevent me from going back not out of sham or because of sociel reasons but because I doubt their belief. I seen both sides of the story and now i see proof they aren't the only true channel as I once believed... which is such a relief on my part because now I don't feel obligated to doom being DFed and all! :)

  • flipper
    flipper

    Thanks for all the great comments ! I'm glad this thread got bumped up.

    JOOKBEARD- It sounds like you went through an awful lot when you were exiting the JW cult. I know what it's like looking down the barrel of 3 elders staring you down at a JC meeting. Been there, done that. It's no walk in the park for sure. I'm glad you got out even though it took you a little while to finally exit the meetings. The main thing is you have your freedom friend. Hope things are going good for you.

    FINALLYSOMEPRIDE- I find it an interesting thing when you said you found everyone to be " fake " at the kingdom hall. That is exactly how I felt as well. All these supposed " friends " I knew for years were all condiional friendships based on if I raised my hand and commented at meetings, how much field service time I turned in, or if I was " reaching out " for a position in the congregation. Those conditional " expectations " really drove me nuts. Because I didn't expect ANYTHING from my JW friends ! Yet they did out of me. It was frustrating. I'm glad you are on the board my friend and glad you did some research on your own so you didn't make the fatal mistake of returning to the JW cult.

    MRFREEZE- It's perplexing on why the elders keep on bugging you since you told them your stance on the JW cult and their beliefs. All I can think is that your JW relatives are lighting a fire under the elders and badgering the elders to keep on calling on you. I had some nosy JW relatives try to get the elders to mess with me too - until I finally faced down the elders in an appeal JC meeting and told them I'd sue them for slander if they DFed me unjustly. After I won my appeal and they overturned the DFing- I never heard from the elders again. That was almost 4 years ago. Hang in there- you may just have to tell them to not call on you anymore or you'll get them for stalking you !

    WILLYLOMAN- Wow. You and your wife really planned your escape from the cult carefully. I'm impressed definitely. You essentially played the " system " that JW's have as you already knew the drill being able to carefully fade. I'm glad the rest of your family exited the cult as well. Like yourself I moved about 80 miles from the area I last attended meetings- but differently than you - I didn't even BOTHER to have the elders send my card to the new area , didn't tell them I was moving , just moved . I just never went to the kingdom hall. The JW's or elders in my area don't even know I exist or was ever a witness. Which I like. It works to my advantage in talking to local JW's here when they come to my door and I try to get them to think and reason on things. They will listen- because they don't see me as a witness.

    NICE DREAM- I understand how you felt. I felt that way too. It was impossible to sit at meetings anymore when I knew these guys were full of crap. That's good you stopped answering the door when elders tried contacting you. I had to hang up the phone on one of them, several times. They need to get the message we just don't want to be bothered anymore. Hang in there with your husband. It is harder when most of your family are JW's. Mine are too. He'll come around in time. Be patient with him.

    FIFTH OF NOVEMBER- That's good that you could be honest with your mom about your feelings of being atheist. Many of us have JW family members who would rat us out to elders if we said TOO much. Sounds like you have good trust with your mom. I'm glad your life has been happier ! Interesting how that happens once we exit the mind control of JW's.

    BUTTERFLYLEIA- Isn't it a relief when we find out the WT society and JW's are a sham just there to make us feel guilty and afraid ? I felt a huge relief like yourself when I realized I wouldn't die at Armageddon- because there was no such thing. I had no more reasons to feel guilt or fear about ANYTHING ! It makes life so much more enjoyable ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • porfiada
    porfiada

    I was tld off for waering trousers to a book study when i was 18. They came to my house, the elders, to say I was not submissive enough. I had some questions for them but they said they would answer thm another day and the problem with me was that I "had doubts". I never went to a meeting in 17 years after that. I haven't been DFd and they have no record of me anymore. Sadly, i slipped in for a while but I have stopped going for almost 2 months now and will never go again-after we couldn't agree on the blood issue with my new" God' Love" bible study teacher. I will move soon to another city and will not remain unknown there as I had been here until a year ago.

  • flipper
    flipper

    PORFIADA- You were told off by elders because you wore trousers to a book study ? Crazy. Elders can be SO picky. That's good that you stopped attending for 17 years . Dear God, don't go back ! The WT society is getting more controlling and strict since they are losing more members, especially young people. Yeah their policy on blood is insane. Nice to have you here on the board ! We here on the board will appreciate you more than ANY JW's would. Look forward to hearing more from you. Peace out,Mr. Flipper

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit