Did you Fade Gradually or Stop Attending Meetings Quickly ? Reasons ?

by flipper 90 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  purpleplus

  Sometime around the Spring of '07, I watched a documentary on Jim Jones and saw some similarities between that group and the JW's. From then on I decided not to "drink the kool-aid". I became more critical of what I was hearing at meetings. In fact, it became difficult for me to sit through them.

  When they went over the "Questions From Readers" in the September 2007 Kingdom Ministry, I knew it was time to leave. I don't remember if I stayed for the rest of the meeting or not. But I knew any religion that sanctions bible studies is not for me.

  I'm sure the "friends" think my "worldly" husband pulled me away from Jehovah. If they only knew the TRUTH!
• 

  flipper

  PURPLEPLUS- I'm so glad you exited the Witnesses . Isn't it amazing the similarities between Jim Jones tactics and the tactics of the WT society ? And I believe like yourself - the September 2007 Kingdom Ministry Questions from readers was a watermark time for a good number of Jehovah's Witnesses who didn't want to be told not to do outside research aside from WT publications. If WT society claims to have the truth- what do they have to fear if JW's do outside research about them ? WT society leaders are running scared right now. They know they can't stop the flow of information on the Internet. And that's a good thing
• 

  Igot2bme

  I had been struggling with going to meeting for about 3 years before I started to fade for good, but the incident that got me to finally become disgusted with it all was when my sister-in-law who got me into a being a witnesses in the first place took my son 16 year old into her home. I thought that this would be a good change for him and I agreed to it, his father and him weren't getting along so well. I thought that them being witnesses he would have good influences around him also. At the time my 17 year old niece was dating a boy who happened to be from a very wealthy family who happened to be witnesses. My sister-in-law would often brag to me about how much money her daughters boyfriends parents made at their business and brag about the vacations they would go on. (My sister-in-law has always been very materialistic and snooty). Her boyfriend and his parents happened to live out of state but would visit family in our congo from a couple times a year and they happened to up visiting at this time. My sister in law convinced his parents to have him stay at their house for a few weeks. The elders were not aware of him staying the night there nor did I know. My sister-in-law when approached about him being there she would say that she would bring him home in the evening every night which was a lie. Needless to say they were having sex every night he was there and my son was there to know about it first hand! I then found out that she was letting my nieces friend stay the night at this time, my son had an instant attraction to and these teenagers were alone unsupervised at night in her home for hours on end. I had no clue that this was taking place either, in the past, whenever my nieces girlfriends would stay the night my sister in law would make sure that my son would stay at my mother-in-laws or I would have him come home so as to not have unsupervised teens. My sister-in-law shows up at my house a month later with my sons clothes and belongings and said she was kicking him out. I asked what happened and she proceeded to tell me that she found evidence that that my son was having sex in her house, she had found evidence around where he was sleeping and had also found liquor in his bag when she searched it which came from her home, but she denied that. After she left I was very devastated, I cried and cried. I was so angry with my son, and I let him have it when he got home. After I calmed down and after a while talking about the events he informed me that her daughter was having sex pretty much everynight and bragging about it to him every morning plus he could hear her screaming while they were going at it! I promptly called my sister in law and told her but she said her daughter said she didn't and she believed her!!!I also found out later that my sister-in-law took pictures of the evidence of my sons indiscretion with her cell phone and forwarded it to everyone she knew. She then told everyone in the congo about my son and what happened and that my son was lying about her daughter and slandering her good name!!! Three months later when my niece turned 18 years old she came clean with her mom and dad about having sex in their house, but my son never received an apology for being labeled a liar. I tried to go to meetings after that but when I would get there I would see my sister-in-law and instantly get an overwhelming feeling of wanting to jump over the row of chairs and beat her smug face in. I let the elders know my problem and the whole sorted tale but I just couldn't let it go and I stopped attending meetings a couple months later.
• 

  Dune

  My fade was kind of funny. I had an elaborate system all planned out where I would leave my congregation and hop between different congregations hoping to eventually be lost between the shuffle. I also considered asking an ex-JW I knew to pose as an elder and accept my publisher record card.

  I had gone to what was supposed to be my first hop, realized how stupid and tiresome all of it was going to be and just went home. I didn't transfer myself, didn't go to a bunch of congregations, i just stopped going. I had a few calls and visits at the beginning but after a while no one bothered me.

  I thought it was cowardly at the time, but looking back i'm glad i did it the way i did.
• 

  WontLeave

  The elders in my Hall obviously really just want me to go away. I can disappear for weeks or months at a time, then come back for a meeting or two, only to disappear again. I never get a call or a "shepherding" visit. They give me my KMs and WTs, then leave me alone. I guess it's because I welcome them to confront me.

  My theory is elders are slimy little losers who want to stroke their egos at someone else's expense. This is a lot easier to do with a crying woman who is desperately sorry for an indiscretion. Plus, there are lots of sleazy details they get to hear. An "apostate" who will F them in the A (again) with the Bible whenever they get the cojones to bring it on just doesn't accomplish the same thing for their fragile little psyches.
• 

  purpleplus

  Igot2bme: Your sister-in-law should be ashamed of herself!!!

  Flipper: You're right.
• 

  flipper

  IGOTOBEME- Your sister in law was a disgusting person in what she did to you and your son. I don't blame you for stopping attending meetings. Did your sister in law or her daughter ever get talked to from the elders ? Really sad situation.

  DUNE- I'm glad you were able to fade with not as much hassle as you had first thought. I think lots of us get paranoid thinking we need to do some elaborate scheme to exit the cult when in actuality all we have to do is stop attending.

  WONTLEAVE- It may very well be that the elders ARE intimidated by you in your former congregation. You are right- they don't like confrontation with an aggressive apostate. They get scared $hitless. I've found that out as well when I've been aggressive towards elders. They'd rather help some defenseless sister hanging her head low in shame so they can control her. THAT is their goal- CONTROL.

  PURPLEPLUS- Thanks for your experience
• 

  Igot2bme

  Flipper-What really killed me about it all was I could never do that to another human being and their child much less a sister. I mourned my sons virginity, I wanted him to wait till marriage as we were taught by the org and the bible. This was a dotrine that I always felt very strongly about. I told the elders what happened and how I felt they said that they were going to talk to her but they basically told me that it was my decision not to go to meeting anymore and I was causing divisions in the congo by having anger towards her. The elders that talked to me are also close friends with my sister-in-law and her husband and so nothing really manifested from their talk with her. After my meeting with them, I thought about it and said yes they are right it is my decision not to go anymore and I stopped going.
• 

  flipper

  IGOT2BME- I'm sorry you went through all that pain my friend. It's difficult seeing our teenage children go through pain as well. I raised one boy and two girls as teenagers who are now grown in their mid 20's - but we as parents just want the best for them. But it causes uneeded pain when we have in laws that choose to be hurtful.

  Considering your sister in law and husband were close friends with the elders - that totally explains why the elders went " easy " on them. I'm glad you got out of the contentious lion's den inside the congregation. I always ran into people gossiping about everyone else too and misrepresenting situations. One of the things that caused me to stop attending meetings as well. Hope things are going smoother for you now that you stopped going. Take care
• 

  Igot2bme

  Flipper-Thank you for your words of encouragement I really appreciated that. I agree with you that getting out of that place was the best thing I have done! Things have been smoother since leaving the Org, it's funny how everything has worked out. My son is now on his own and he is doing rather well. He is with the same girl he was with during the incident, they are deeply in love and are planning on getting married soon. My niece on the other hand ended up pregnant and a single parent from the boyfriend that she was with. He left her for her best friend who was also a witness (she was also my sister-in-laws good friend too) and married her instead of my niece.