Is Forgiveness Overrated?

by leavingwt 195 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  PSacramento

  IOW, we do it because of what we get out of it, not because they deserve it.

  At it's base, yes, but it can go further than that.

  We are all humans and we hurt each other, we do it by actions and by words.

  Obviously some people hurt others far more, but if we want to be forgiven for the many times we hurt others, it is only right to forgive those that hurt us and in doing so we accept that we are imperfect and that we need to do better and be better.

  Forgiveness is leading by example and is a sign of love and nothing breaks the circle of hate and violence other than love.

  Now, forgiveness doesn't mean allowing a person to harm us over and over, no of course not.

  It means that we forgive another for what they have done, that hate is replaced by love ( not for the other person per say becuase that may not be possible, but love fo ourselves and so that we don't punish ourselves anymore) and that we grow beyond that damage that has been done.

  It is NOT selfish, though it can be, it is also NOT unselfish.

  Forgiveness is for US, for THEM and for ALL.
• 

  tec

  My comment disappeared... or I just forgot to hit submit.

  I think it depends on what you think forgiveness is necessary for.

  1 - Forgiveness can (i think it DOES) free the victim from hurt and/or anger, allowing them to fully recover. But I understand that it's not always possible to just DO this, at least not with some sort of repentance and/or change in behavior.

  2 - Showing forgiveness can free the wrongdoer from shame leading to despair, which leaves that person no window to escape or even want to stop their wrongdoing (s). No hope.

  I believe that both of the above are dependent upon what you would want people to do for you... if you do repent, do you want forgiveness from others, and yet withhold forgiveness to others? If you don't repent for whatever reason (shame, pride, ignorance), do you want others to show you mercy... and yet withhold mercy from others.

  Also, if someone has never been shown mercy, how will they ever learn to show themselves?

  Now I know there are extreme cases, in that there are some people who could care less. They just keep hurting people and hurting people, never caring one whit for your forgiveness or the pain of their victim, etc. But while I say do whatever the law requires/allows in an effort to keep that person from hurting others... and continue to fight as a society against the things that cause a person to behave in such a manner... let the anger/hurt go (a forgiveness of sorts because of whatever society or someone else has done to fail that person to create the 'monster'), and leave justice to God. (You have to have faith in God for that last part, I know.)

  Tammy
• 

  mrsjones5

  From an article I just read:

  The first thing I want to point out is what is, to me, the most important part about forgiveness - that forgiveness is NOT a gift you give to another, but rather something you do inside of yourself, for yourself. The other person need never know. You can choose to extend forgiveness to the other person, if that is your choice, but it is not necessary in order to forgive inside of yourself and heal the pain you carry for a wrong another has done to you or that has affected you.
  
  Forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation - nor does it mean you have to allow a behavior that can hurt you to continue to hurt you. Forgiveness is, in essence, the acknowledgment inside of yourself that the person who has wronged you in some way is a fallible human being - and that, like a human being, they made a mistake worthy of your forgiveness. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/65835/forgiveness_the_gift_you_give_yourself.html

  That says it for me.
• 

  leavingwt

  The other person need never know. You can choose to extend forgiveness to the other person, if that is your choice, but it is not necessary in order to forgive inside of yourself and heal the pain you carry for a wrong another has done to you or that has affected you.

  Good point.
• 

  mamalove

  I think it depends on the issue at hand.

  I think it is rather arrogant to hold somewhat minor issues over someone elses head and not "forgive." It is not necessary.

  If you forgive, to me it is the same as accepting an apology or correction of a wrong, and then not being angry anymore. You have to be OK with the situation to truly forgive, because you have gotten over it. It doesn't hurt anymore. But if you still hurt, then, it is definitely not a forgivable item unless the other party performs some kind of satisfying action to make those bad feelings go away.
• 

  sabastious

  Forgiveness is one of the most important aspects of humanity, imo. Without forgiveness we live our lives disgruntled and angry about our past.

  -Sab
• 

  Terry

  I know my opinion is not popular and even considered reprehensible by some, but, here it is anyway...

  JUSTICE is getting what you deserve. Conversely, JUSTICE is not getting what you don't deserve.

  In other words, if you break it you buy it. If you didn't break it you don't have to buy it.

  In petty matters the damage is small. Forgiveness might well pave the way for opportunity for growth and learning.

  But, in the case of severe damage, trauma, or death it makes absolutely no sense to allow the perpetrator to walk, as it were, unscathed.

  What you reward you get more of. What you punish you get less of.

  Holding others accountable holds them to a higher standard than does letting them off with forgiveness.

  If you LOVE you esteem the VALUE of according to the highest possible standard.

  Forgiveness says: "I'm going to treat you as though you are worthy of the highest possible reward."

  This, for me, is where the whole notion of the Grace Doctrine (of mainstream Christianity) makes absolutely knuckle-headed sense!

  If mankind is wretched, depraved, corrupt and deserving of death--ON WHAT POSSIBLE BASIS can their low standard of thought and conduct

  be rewarded as though the offense were nothing?

  Further, how can a perfect, sinless and outstanding person (such as Jesus) be punished AS THOUGH he were depraved ON PURPOSE by the same God who lets the wretches off free?

  What definition of LOVE can be so perverted?

  Don't get me started!

  FORGIVENESS indicates your standards of virtue, justice, fairness and accountability. How you dispense it say a whole lot more about your sanity than you might think!

  Mercy must be earned by restitution (if possible), penalty, recompense and total reform FIRST before forgiveness is considered or applied.l

  In my opinion.
• 

  PSacramento

  This, for me, is where the whole notion of the Grace Doctrine (of mainstream Christianity) makes absolutely knuckle-headed sense!

  In light of what we know about the causal effects of forgiveness, it makes perfect sense.

  If mankind is wretched, depraved, corrupt and deserving of death--ON WHAT POSSIBLE BASIS can their low standard of thought and conduct

  be rewarded as though the offense were nothing?

  One learns to love by being loved and one learns to forgive by being forgiven.

  Further, how can a perfect, sinless and outstanding person (such as Jesus) be punished AS THOUGH he were depraved ON PURPOSE by the same God who lets the wretches off free?

  Because it was Hid Gift to Us.

  What definition of LOVE can be so perverted?

  Ask any parent that would willlingly suffer the most horrendous of suffering for their children.

  Don't get me started!

  Glad you did though because even if I don't agree with you Terry, you still make excellent points.
• 

  darth frosty

  Forgiveness says: "I'm going to treat you as though you are worthy of the highest possible reward."

  Deep stuff Terry!

  Reminds me of when my wife does something to piss me off and comes up later 'will you forgive me?' My usual response is why so you can do it again.
• 

  journey-on

  "......forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"....Lord's Prayer

  Sins/trespasses against us give us the opportunity to show forgiveness...or not. This is like spiritual weight-lifting or exercise. To the extent we are able to forgive others, we ourselves are forgiven for our trespasses/sins.

  The hardest person to forgive in life is oneself, imho.