Sometimes you should forgive, as the matter is not worth your time or worth the damage it could do to not move on. Other times, depending on what happened, HELL NO! Let them have it, cut loose or just avoid them all together. REVENGE is a hard dish to serve though, as sometimes you have to loss part of yourself to get REVENGE. So I tend to just say, move on, but do not forget.
Is Forgiveness Overrated?
by leavingwt 195 Replies latest jw friends
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Snoozy
Glad to see many have the same mind frame as me.
Snoozy
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LV101
undercover -- i can relate w/every word you've typed. it's so hard to forgive and realize, ONCE AGAIN, it's never gonna change. giving up the dreams/fantasies of a good relationship w/toxic individuals is difficult (i know in my case) and there are only so many boundaries we can have.
LV101
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Terry
If your roof has a leak do you repair the hole or just forgive it for leaking and forget it happened?
Now, I realize you think that is a smartass comment and has nothing to do with the actual subject being discussed.
But--not so fast!
We live in a REAL world where there are PRACTICAL consequences to impactful things.
What kind of rational solution is "forgiveness" if you forget the very thing that impacted you adversely? How do you learn from your experience?
How can you remain human?
Going back to our leaking roof for a moment.....
I'm sure none of us would "forgive" the roof for leaking. We would take actual steps to repair the hole.
We'd also inspect more than just the one trouble-spot!! We would widen our inspection to include THE REST OF THE ROOF as well, wouldn't we?
Of course!
Apply this to a PERSON who has impacted us hurfully.
If we forgive and forget we are committing two idiocies!
1.Failing to inspect the rest of that person's dealings for integrity lapse which might endager us.
2.Failing to take a responsible step toward protecting others from this perpetrator's actions as well.
Real world example.
I know a grown woman who--when she was in High School, was casually molested by her Theatre teacher.
She told her parents he had put his tongue in her ear and tried to grope her.
Her parents did not confront the teacher or complain to the school. The chided her and told her to stay away from him next time.
They also counseled her that she may have misinterpreted his intentions and would destroy his career if she made it more significant than it really was.
Fast forward 15 years.
The same woman finds out that the same teacher was now recently fired from his job for molesting a student. The school investigated and hundreds (that's right, HUNDREDS) of previous students came forward and reported what he had done to them over the years.
Now--who is responsible for the HUNDREDS of molestations?
ONLY the teacher?
I think not!
The sanction of the victim creates monsters!!
Forgiveness and forgetting are morally irresponsible and the backwash is reprehensible!
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for being a link in an ongoing chain by MAKING perpetrators public and NOT easily dismissing their offenses.
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journey-on
Good analogy, Terry, at first glance. There is a difference in crime and sin/trespass obviously.
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myelaine
dear Terry...
you keep equating forgiving with forgetting...why is that?
love michelle
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MrFreeze
Nope, it's not always necessary and I understand why some people don't forgive over certain things.
Me on the other hand, I'm always good and ready to forgive just so long as you are true of heart, show you want to be forgiven and work to correct the mistake you made against me. Then again, I've never had anything that bad done against me. Certainly, there might be things I would consider unforgiveable. I haven't been on the receiving end of anything like that yet.
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Terry
dear Terry...
you keep equating forgiving with forgetting...why is that?
New International Version(©1984)
For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."New Living Translation(©2007)
And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins."English Standard Version(©2001)
For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”New American Standard Bible(©1995)
"FOR I WILL BE MERCIFUL TO THEIR INIQUITIES, AND I WILL REMEMBER THEIR SINS NO MORE." -
Terry
Good analogy, Terry, at first glance. There is a difference in crime and sin/trespass obviously.
Really, how so?
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Terry
I think in a case like this, you can forgive the nature of the person (which is more of an acceptance of who they are without wishing them ill, and in fact still wishing them good in their life and moving on), without necessarily putting yourself into known and continued harm.
I think that is a different level of forgiveness.
A person IS their nature. Out of the person's nature flow their actions. Actions which injure others are sins.
A sinner is a sinner by nature; human nature after the "Fall". (At least, if you buy in to the Bible's description of human nature.)
You can't forgive the nature of the cobra that strikes your child and kills it without including the snake as the perpetrator.
So, I frankly cannot even understand what you are saying.
Twisting something to make it come out the way you want is more wishful thinking and Ad Hoc explanation than reality.