Wanted to get reinstated... Almost ready to give up
by headisspinning 92 Replies latest jw friends
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headisspinning
Thanks for that PalmTree...
I guess the thing is, if something is true it will stand up to scrutiny, and that's the bottom line.
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looloo
hi there , i was a study and stopped attending meetings after i had an affair while i was unhappily married . the pioneer was disfellowshipped ! a year later my guilt was so bad that i talked my ex pioneer lover to go back with me to meetings in the hope that we could be together once he was reinstated ! while i was attending i was ignored by a couple who were still friendly with my ex husband . (2 years later i found out that while the husband was shunning me he was actually having an affair himself for 5 years !!!!) to cut a very long story short i stopped attending the meetings because my pioneer boyfriend could not cope with the long process of reinstatment ! i saw an awfull lot of hypocrisy in the cong and the irony is that the elder who disfellowshipped my ex pioneer would eventually develop feelings for me himself and told my boyfriend that he could never be with me ! we have been happily married for 7 years now with a child of our own and my other children excepted new husband and we are free from the cult that controlled us , my ex husband forgave us , my other children forgave us , i feel that god forgave us due to my heartfelt sorrow and guilt but the scribes and pharisees (i mean jehovahs true christians ) never did forgive us ! my inlaws do not bother with our child but tell people it is me that dosnt allow them to see her ! that is a lie and proof to me that they do not have "the truth " i feel your pain and know just what you are going through believe me ! it will get better but you have to "see the light " first ! lots of love and support loo loo x
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Pams girl
The truth will out! Im new spinning, and feel for you. I was never baptised, but was a study for 6 years. I suffer with agoraphobia and severe panic attacks (past 10 years), and that is why I lost my job as a neuro-surgical nurse. JWs knew all this, Ive explained it to them hundreds of times, yet my illness was the reason I finally had the courage to stop contact, because they turned my illness against me! Wouldnt give me a bible for my son unless I started going regularly to meetings, er, HELLO! DO YOU KNOW WHAT AGORAPHOBIA AND ANXIETY IS? HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW ITS DESTROYED MY LIFE?...They hadnt heared a word I said. Well, now Im nearly free, my anx and panic is MUCH better, I no longer live in fear of everything, I dont wake up worrying everyday with tales of...do this or that or Jah wont love you, behave like this/do it this way or WE wong love you.
In the begginning they said "WE love you anyway...!"
It became "WE love you only IF...." Its conditional love for them. Thats not based on Jesus teaching.
I wish you and your family the strength to get through this, listen to your heart. It will never let you down. Youve a new exciting life ahead to look forward too, and the freedom is breathtaking...........my thoughts are with you. Take Care, Paula x
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jookbeard
HIS ; just to clear up a couple of things; you were married to a JW and had an affair with another JW (same cong?) got pregnant divorced your JW husband and then got together with the father of your kid? you say that your ex has made various threats to you all the while you have been making attempts to get RI'ed?
TBH while you are in your DF'ed state it probably makes not the blindest bit of difference what threats your ex has been making to you unless you have concrete evidence and witnesses, have you reported him to the police? and was he close to the BoE's/JC that DF'ed you? and do you have previous JC matters on file against you in this area, and have you ever been privately or publicly reproved? if so then no wonder the elders are fearful of letting you be RI'ed , a crime such as yours although common in most walks of life is one of the most serous that any BoE usually deal with and when they say it could take years they probably very well mean it, give up and walk away they/it aint worth it.
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Mad Sweeney
I guess the thing is, if something is true it will stand up to scrutiny, and that's the bottom line.
That is exactly the case. Now that you are DFd you have every right to give the organization the scrutiny you couldn't give while you were caught in it. What can they do to you for reading "apostate" literature, disfellowship you? HA! You already ARE.
Do the reading. Read Crisis of Conscience. Read Combatting Cult Mind Control. Read Age of Reason. Read www.jwfacts.com and www.freeminds.org
Learn all you can and then make an informed decision.
We didn't leave because we're evil or because we oppose truth. We left because we found the truth about "the truth."
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nugget
You have actually been given a golden opportunity and time to clarify matters in your own head. It took a while for me to realise that none of the witnesses core beliefs stood up to scrutiny once I was sure that they were not representatives of the truth but rather a lie I could not sit in another meeting.
The organisation can be incredibly harmful promoting feelings of guilt and inadequacy and if your husband is suffering from PTSD then he really should keep away to allow himself time to heal.
You also have a new baby and an opportunity to give this child a real childhood. witness children spend so much time in meetings, service, study, denial, exclusion and restriction. They are not allowed to participate in simple pleasures and experience things that are common for others. Before you ask your child to make these sacrifices please make sure that the religion that is demanding them is worth it. I would also suggest that you make sure your other children are aware that there is an alternative view. The fact that they have somewhere to go if they decide not to follow the witness religion may be incredibly important. They are still young enough to build a life that is full of positive things but if you go back into the congregation they may be more restricted in their choices.
Don't see the elders words as a concern this is their rules but it is a human power trip and has nothing to do with God.
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headisspinning
In reply to Jookbeard:
I was married to a JW until 2007 when he threatened to burn the house down with me in it. My family arranged for me to stay at a women's shelter with the kids and the police were involved. I decided not to press charges and so the brothers just talked to him and that was it. My sister's inlaws didn't want us at a shelter so they let me and the kids stay with them for three months until I got a place of my own.
It wasn't until 2009 that I got involved with my present husband. He was married at the time and was the Congregation Coordinator in his hall. It was a terrible scandal but it all happened very quickly - we just knew we had to be together and didn't have much more of a plan than that. He moved out here with me and I got pregnant within a month or so. My ex finally divorced me (after 2 years of limbo) and his wife did the same.
Don't get me wrong - what we did hurt a lot of people and we have terrible guilt over that. We know we deserved to be disfellowshipped.
I don't have any previous JC matters in this area but I did attempt suicide twice while I was married to my ex husband. I'm sure that doesn't make them want me back in the hall... I'm sure things are easier without me. I've had committees in the past but they've always resulted in private reproof... and that was years ago in another city and province.
I hope that answers your questions.
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Guest with Questions
Sorry, because of time I haven't read most of the posts.
How dare men tell you when you're forgiven. Sounds much like Catholicism.
The quickest re-instatement. If you are truly remorseful, ask God to forgive your sins. He will re-instate you right away.
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jookbeard
not much of a consolation GwQ if you are desperate to get back into their world, god will obviously forgive a million times they dont forgive they just punish, as Nugget said it's naff all to do with God