Wanted to get reinstated... Almost ready to give up

by headisspinning 92 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  jamiebowers

  But lately he has had to take double his anxiety medication just to get out the door and it's just not worth it. So, I don't really know what to do. I'm not going to put that kind of stress on him, when he's already dealing with all these abuse issues.

  There's your sign. Your husband is in no shape to deal with these spiritual predators, and neither are your kids. Are either of your sons living with you, or did they remain with the jw parent? If they're with you, then share the truth about the "truth" with them after you learn it. Two out of three young people leave on their own. Hopefully they'll d the same.

  When my ex husband threatened to burn the house down with me in it, they did nothing to discipline him and one elder had the audacity to tell me to go back to the jerk. And yet somehow I am the leaven in the congregation that must be kept out. It's funny how that works, hey?

  You don't know half of the evil the Watchtower has perpertrated. My jw husband confessed to the elders that he kicked, punched and strangled me on a regular basis. I had witnesses to his threats on my life. Doctors and judges deemed him dangerous enough for forcible comittment to a mental institution, yet the elders tried to coerce me into either remaining in the marriage or stalking him to see whether he'd choose to commit adultery or murder. When I refused to give in, the elders had my mother put pressure on me until I made a false confession of adultery. Guess who was df'd and who still has a good standing as a jw? You think my story is awful, why not read about the living nightmare of thousands of child molestation and domestic violence victims at silentlambs.org?

  Do yourelf, your husband and your kids a favor: stay out of this dangerous cult. Read up on how devastating this evil empire is, nd thank your lucky stars you got out alive.
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  I don't remember the time frame, it was probably more than 10 years ago. Back then, they had a letter to the elders and instructions through the C.O. that those who "scheme" to get out of a marriage and get a different spouse will have to wait "several years" to get reinstatement.

  It doen't matter what circumstances you and your mate have if they are following that information. It would seem that the both of you wound up with each other after the act of adultery, so they will take several years to reinstate you. "Several" is more than a "few." A "few" means "3" so "several" or "years and years" means a minimum of "4" to elders. You would be better off to take 2 or 3 years away from the congregation and if you still feel the need to get reinstated, start attending then and go for 6 months before requesting reinstatement.

  On the Way Out is right about this. I think you could find references about it in the new secret elders' book. If they determine that you conspired or colluded to breakup your own marriages in order to marry each other, then because of your deviousness, elders would have to be very cautious that you truly want to be reinstated for the right reasons. It will especially linger if the "innocent" mates that you divorced are still single.
• 

  Ding

  Do yourselves a favor and stay out...

  Seriously!
• 

  EmptyInside

  I'm curious whether or not, you still go to your original congregation. Because I have observed that it works out better if you attend another neighboring congregation. And,even though,you still have to go through the original elders to get reinstated,it seems to work out better if you do it through a new body of elders. Plus,if you still go to the same congregation as your husband's ex-wife,it may seem in poor taste to some. And the elders may view it as a strike against you.

  Anyway,as some have already posted,after spending some time on here and doing your own research, you may decide not to bother going back.
• 

  mrquik

  After 34 years, I left my wife, moved in with a woman who actually loved me & notified the elders. First meeting was the usual "Why?" and the "Some expect to commit adultery & be reinstated right away." I knew I would wait at least a year so I didn't bother them. I had moved to a new hall & attended Sundays. That was all I could bring myself to do. After a year I sent a letter, & didn't hear back for 3 months. I called & finally had a second meeting & was told it would not be long. So I waited another 3 months. Nothing. I called again & was told to now have a meeting first with the local congregation. By this time I had read Ray Franz' book as well as every site I could find. It finally sank in that these people are not guided by holy spirit, Jehovah or anything else but petty human emotions. I called them back & told them I had changed my mind & was not coming back. That was about a year ago. It's taken some time to readjust. I have a daughter still in but have not regretted my decision. I understand every circumstance is unique, but for me a clean break was what I needed. Every day gets better & better. I'll say it again: This organization does not now nor ever had Jehovah's holy spirit.
• 

  headisspinning

  I think I am just going to have to take the plunge and read that book. I'm already talking to Frank Kavelin and Barbara Anderson on email. I just want to know the truth once and for all. If anyone wants to give me the non-emotional, non-angry, bullet point statement of 'The Truth' I would appreciate that. LOL! If only it was that easy!
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  If anyone wants to give me the non-emotional, non-angry, bullet point statement of 'The Truth' I would appreciate that.

  http://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/15-minute-guide-to-truth.php
• 

  poopsiecakes

  Hey spinning...you never know what that thing is that will trigger someone you don't know to start thinking about the implications the society's dogmatic approach to things. I'll have a stab at it though!

  This is a shameless copy/paste from jwfacts.com (thanks Paul!):

  The meaning of the phrase 'never receive him into YOUR homes' should be understood in the context of the hospitality of first century Jerusalem. Since Christians held congregation meetings in their homes John possibly felt that inviting a denier of Christ into a home could be viewed as sharing worship with non-Christians.
  
  Likewise the term to never 'say a greeting' to him needs to be understood in light of first century practice. It is wrong for the Watchtower to claims that John used the term 'a greeting' to indicate a simple hello.

  "John here used khai´ro, which was a greeting like 'good day' or 'hello.' (Acts 15:23; Matthew 28:9) He did not use a·spa´zo·mai (as in verse 13), which means 'to enfold in the arms, thus to greet, to welcome' and may have implied a very warm greeting, even with an embrace. (Luke 10:4; 11:43; Acts 20:1, 37; 1 Thessalonians 5:26) So the direction at 2 John 11 could well mean not to say even 'hello' to such ones." Watchtower 1988 April 15 p.27

  This article claims the word khairo is used to forbid a simple greeting, instead of aspazomai which means a more affectionate embrace, enfolding in the arms, kiss, greeting or welcome. The writer seems to be confused as the very opposite is true. Strong?s states;

  • 5463 chairo {khah'-ee-ro} 1) to rejoice, be glad 2) to rejoice exceedingly 3) to be well, thrive 4) in salutations, hail! 5) at the beginning of letters: to give one greeting, salute
  • 783 aspasmos {as-pas-mos?} 1) a salutation, either oral or written

  2 John does not indicate a polite greeting is wrong. John here shows that a person is a sharer in the Antichrist's wicked works if he shows acceptance and agreement with the evildoers cause or teachings, or wishes them favour and success.
  
  The Watchtower Society uses this single scripture in 2 John to dictate that every disfellowshipped or disassociated person should not even be politely greeted. This is applied regardless of what the person was disfellowshipped for, including a long list of Society originated rules such as gambling, smoking, or authorising a blood transfusion. Every single one of a disfellowshipped person's Witness friends is told to never greet them again, unless they repent and are formally reinstated by the Watchtower Society. I am aware of friends whose own mothers or their own children have not spoken to them for upwards of 20 years. Yet such shunning is only ever discussed once, was only to apply to the Antichrist, and as such is being misused to its extremity.

  I actually checked Strongs - knowing that the WT quotes their definitions - and lo and behold, the above is correct. Shocking that they'd lie like that, don't you think?
• 

  zeroday*

  I almost hate to relate this story to you headisspinning but some years ago my elder/cousin committed Adultry and was Publicly Reproved only and told to "go ahead and marry her"... it's more about congo politics than anything else...
• 

  Millions

  Take some deep breaths, skip a few meetings if you haven't already, and just...

  ...think.

  I'm sure your head is spinning, but remember one thing: you are not in a rush here. Don't believe the hype about the end coming, don't feel pressured to jump back in, let yourself think about your experiences in the cong, your doubts, your anxieties. Normally everything gets plastered over with talks and prayers and songs - don't let that happen this time, take some time out and have a good hard look at some of the cracks in the religion you may have been ignoring.

  For your own sake and especially for the sake of your sons, don't run back with your tail between your legs and do something you or they may regret for decades to come.

  There is life outside the JWs, more than you can ever imagine. There is also faith for those who want to retain it, very personal and genuine faith, not hemmed in by rules and elders and governing bodies. Instead of doing what they want and shelving all your dreams and aspirations and abilities until 'the new system', you can lead a fulfilling and rewarding life with the years you have on this earth, and your sons can utilise their talents to the max as well.

  As a young man I bought into the Watchtower in a big way, following the lead of my mother. After over 15 years as a baptised brother and many privileges of service, I left the organisation to try and start my life over again, and to make up for all the lost time I had spent working for the society for free. You might be about to save your boys precious precious years of their lives, during which they can get an education, have fun, pursue their dreams, and develop their personalities opinions and interests. Not to mention the improvements in your own life, freedom, peace, relief, tranquility.

  Just think about it :) I wish you well whichever way you end up going!