Taken from a discussion yesterday....
Those who leave the Organization and go on to lead successful, happy lives outside will never be featured on a District Convention or in a magazine. On the other hand, there are some who get DF'd - still blindly believing it's the truth - get into trouble on the outside and then run back to Mama Org. For members who remain inside, these examples just confirm the "reality" painted by the Society. These are the experiences you'll hear at the DC.
I'd like to put forth a blunt hypothesis that could be completely wrong. My thoughts are based purely on what little information I've read here, which isn't enough to make a good judgment, but for the sake of discussion, I'll venture a guess. Still, I know I'd want someone to be straight with me if I were in your shoes.
You were institutionalized as a youth. You didn't mature before you left and your growth has only been stunted since then. Before you walked out, your "success" was just a matter of following black and white rules and feeding on propaganda, which worked out fine (or so you thought). Then you decided to drop it in favor of what appeared to be greener pasture - the hedonistic lifestyle, with few rules.
Now you recognize the need to grow up but you don't really know how unless you get back the rules, regulations, and support structure provided by your family, the WTBTS, and the Bible. You've created a false dichotomy for yourself. It's either this or that. And since you left for what seem to be reasons of immaturity (and I'm not condemning you there), little has changed. You still have that need; that characterized dependence. You didn't learn the critical thinking and self-discipline to make good decisions and follow through specifically because you were taught to be dependent. So now you want the return to the only other system you know - the ease of a tidy, prepackaged plan... the JW prescription.
I'm not saying you're abnormal. This seems pretty typical. I've always felt that life was easier inside the organization. You get a "cookie" when you perform as expected. A lot of decisions are made and the thinking is mostly done for you. It's kinda like having a personal trainer/nutritionist. Just do what they say. Sure, you have to put effort into it but, still, it doesn't take much thought on your part. Zombies would make good JWs because it can be done mindlessly. In fact, unquestioning submission is encouraged.
I'd suggest you start there: learn how to think, not what to think. Critical thinking skills are the key. You're trying to go back to a parent/child relationship. That isn't maturity. It's not even an illusion of maturity. It's a delusion of maturity. Don't be naive. Make sure you know what you're investing in before you go back.
Of course, everything I've said here is probably pointless since you didn't leave having recognized the fallacy. I suspect you'll go back, give it your best shot, and get exactly what you're looking for. Best regards to you if that's what you do. You'll be a great example to JW teens, reinforcing the stereotype of those who leave the flock just to crawl back after a miserable life throwing caution to the wind, chasing pleasures in the world.
Nevermind those who make good decisions and lead happy, successful lives after they get out.
