Hello--new to the witnesses...and you

LKM

Hello,

Just wanted to introduce myself. I went to the KH for the first time 2 weeks ago...and will go again tomorrow. I don't believe anything witnessy...(I was raised in the Assembly of God church and now the closest thing I "do" with religion is yoga or sometimes the buddhist temple).... but the man I'm in love with is a df'd JW (we've been together for 6 years).... and he wants to get reinstated just to talk to his family again (I can assure you he does not believe it).... and he wants his family to accept me because we are about to get married... so, I'm going to meetings...its very interesting, but only because it shows me more about how he was raised. I am not into the doctrine or interested in the Bible. I really am dreading going tomorrow.... mostly because the first time I just showed up alone and everyone seemed shocked that I didn't "come with anyone." I feel its a compromise I'm making for our relationship. I can go to a meeting here and there so he has the chance of speaking to his family again.... Sigh. Any suggestions of how to pull this off? I don't want to study. I just want to go to meetings to make things easier for him and his family. I'm a peace maker.

Thanks in advance for your replies!

LKM

ziddina

Hello and welcome to the board! [edited - there! That makes more sense!!]

That's a tough situation...

You might want to ask him whether he's going to "return" and then perhaps "fade" out? That MIGHT work - but only if his family isn't terribly zealous or fanatical...

As for you, you're in the PERFECT position to insert some serious doubts into their minds - but ALWAYS do it in the manner of a totally innocent question - and ALWAYS based on their own literature...

What you want to do FIRST, is LISTEN to the in-laws. Become a VERY good listener - and make mental notes on their WEAKNESSES.

Then use those weaknesses to slide in some doubts...

Like: "I was reading some of your older literature. Is it really true that you couldn't accept organ transplants until the [someone help me out here - WHEN did they finally allow them again???] 1970's? Why were the transplants banned for fifteen years, and then allowed?"

Or you could use the latest scientific discoveries in astronomy/biology/geology to question them about evolution/age of mankind...

With any luck, you might get some of his immediate family "out" before he has to go through the torture of "reinstatement"...

Just remember - subtle, slow, play innocent, and NEVER let them know that you've been associating with "apostates"...

Zid - the She-Devil

Think About It

Prepare to be pressured to have a bible study with someone.

And welcome also.

Think About It

mamamo

Good Luck! Unless things have changed in the 21 years I have been out, I think you are going to be pestered about having to study with someone. And I doubt they have changed. I am trying to be positive and have erased and started over a couple of times now. Go along with your guy, keep the smile on your face, don't let your real feelings show. He gets reinstated and then can be inactive. The family will talk to him and you. We are here for support.

LKM

Ah, wow! Thanks everyone... you all are good people. my friends and family don't really "get" this JW stuff.... so I don't talk too much about it. But you people seem to "know." I've read a lot about JWism so my first experience at the KH was exactly how I imagined it. My goal in attending meetingsis just to placate othersand not change anyone's mind through debate. My man was inactive before getting df'ed....He has a lot of anger towards the witnesses...and his family, but his son is being raised jw by his exwife. yeah, its a real sticky situation.

I left the first meeting early because I was so incredibly bored by the question and answer session with the Watchtower....and a lady followed me out to my car and asked if she could bring by a bible. I gave her my number, but she never called. I want a Bible so I don't have to share/engage with others....My boyfriend told me to arrive late and leave early...sit in the back....and to be polite and firm in saying "No" to a study.

Thanks to my previous religious experience I know how to "act the part" a little.... its just the services were way more interesting with an AG church...speaking in tounges, casting out satan, being slain in the spirit.... I got a little nostalgic reading the bible at the KH....

and....I digress :)

Anyway, thank you all for your responses... I feel encouraged.

Gayle

LKM,,so welcome to this site. This site will help you to see what you will be up against. You may sincerely not want to nor intend to 'study' with the JWs. However, I so recommend you listen to the many comments here. I do recommend you read everything on: jwfacts.com for now. There, is a good, easy coverage about this religion and to the point of JWs beliefs, practices, and mind-control tactics. His JW family may 'love bomb' you, but their intent is to get you to study with them and to eventually become a JW. If you don't, they generally will not accept you closely, not because of you personally. But to them, "all" who don't become JWs will soon be destroyed by their god.

Please realize this will be very challenging to you. There have been JWs who have been disfellowshipped and then they try to go back to be reinstated for the purpose to have their families talk with them again. Then, some of those "fade" out again. However, some in the process, go back and get stuck in the JW belief system again. Unless, former JWs, start reading about the real facts and exposures of the 'organization' of the Jehovah's Witnesses, then they can become again mentally stuck and controlled by their un-truths.

Please remember this, every time you hear them say "the truth," quickly to yourself say "the program." It is not the truth in any way. It is a man-made program. It is a deceptive, destructive religion.

Best wishes for you.

LKM

Gayle,

Yeah, I get the impression that everyone at the KH is super nice just for one reason: to get a convert. I really think JWism is a cult....and every time I drive by the KH I flip it off. (I know that might offend people...its just my truth). The thing is...I have been with my bf through the df'ing...and I can't believe ANYONE in their right mind would choose an organization over their child. Its been so painful to watch him go through losing everyone. And I guess the conclusion I've come to is that JW's are brainwashed. I know what I'm up against and it seems insane that I have to sit through meetings when I'd much rather be doing anything else..... But I have the hope of love and also the support of my guy (we're doing this for his son...my future step son...and also so he can speak to his family again.)

Thank you everyone!

ABibleStudent

LKM - I'm a peace maker.

Welcome LKM and I am sorry for your situation. The only way to make peace with JWs is to blindly follow the GB and Watchtower's doctrines and practices. If this sounds, harsh it is, but that is what JWs believe! You would be better off spending time having fun with your fiance with "Worldly" friends than going to KHs and assemblies. To understand what you are getting yourself into, I would recommend that you and your fiance read Steve Hassan's books (i.e., Combatting Cult Mind Control and Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves), visiting Steve Hassan's website www.freedomofmind.com, and reading Raymond Franz's books (e.g., Crisis of Conscience). If your fiance has not read the aforementioned books or does not want to read them, then I would recommend that you RUN - DON'T WALK - away from your fiance, JWs, and the WTBTS. You never know how the WTBTS' thought reform will effect people.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

diamondiiz

Hello,

Since you've been together for 6 years I am assuming you are living together. You will have to get married first before your BF has a chance of getting reinstated or he will have to move out and maybe even then he won't get reinstated if he still dates you.

If his family doesn't talk to him now, there is a big chance that you will be treated like a second class by his family since you aren't a witness and you won't become one in the future. If you get married, he gets reinstated and then he fades, the family will blame YOU for his "weak spirituality." They will put pressure on him and you will be the cause of his spiritual problems and family problems.

If his family doesn't talk to him now, he may want to count his loss and forget about them and the cult as going back doesn't guarantee a better relationship with his family if he plans to fade after being reinstated.

If he plans on going back and continue going through the motions by going to all the meetings and doing what they require of him for a long time to satisfy his family, your "happy" life together may end up being not so happy.

Also, you need to know for a fact he doesn't believe any of it. You have to have a deep discussion with him about his believes because if he believes some of it deep inside, when he goes back those beliefs may resurface and you will be stuck married to a person you haven't met yet. If he really believes any of JW crap and wants to go back, you may want to put of marrying him and may want to reconsider your future.

Also, you going to the meetings now will not help him get reinstated until he's married to you, otherwise it will delay his reinstatement if the elders know he's living with you or even going out with you.

These are just general observations about JW/non-JW marriages, not a rule. Some marriages work between JWs and non-JWs but those are few and regrets are many. I wish you all the best and hope you discuss all aspects of his beliefs before you marry him while he plans to get reinstated.

Teary Oberon

haha wow. WRONG place to be asking questions about the Witnesses dear.

There are pretty much are no real Witnesses on this forum, even though it says "Jehovah's Witnesses" in the title -- they are all disgruntled ex-Witnesses with axes to grind that have simply hijacked an innocent looking 'Witness' site. So yeah, you aren't going to find anything helpful or positive here (unless you want to listen to these posters and end up destroying your relationship and making your life miserable).

Hello--new to the witnesses...and you

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