Jewel, try google chrome.
Hello--new to the witnesses...and you
by LKM 85 Replies latest jw friends
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Jewel
Testing...1,2,3. Testing...
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Jewel
No clue what that was all about....
LKM-
My first impulse is to tell you to RUN in the opposite direction. My second is to point out a few things you might not have thought through.
The inactive/faded line is really difficult to walk under the best of circumstances (speaking from MUCH experience). I would say it will be nearly impossible in your situation. You will, essentially, have a spy in your home for the rest of your life. I know that sounds horrible, but the ex-wife and congregation will definitely put your bf's son in this position, especially if his (boyfriends) loyalty to the religion is in any doubt.
Keep the following in mind-
You will not be able to sleep together without marriage (even if you honestly just sleep) at any time when his son is with him. I can't even see him getting reinstated if you slept over in a separate room. The ex-wife will ask the little boy about this. She will tell the elders.
You will have to give up all holidays for the rest of your life. The jig will be up if his son sees that you have a Christmas tree, birthday cards, a carved pumpkin, left-over Thanksgiving turkey, a Mother's Day card, Fourth of July sparklers, Valentines, shamrocks, discussions about voting, Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin'Eve on TV, or a chocolate bunny EVER.
If you have any children, or you have children together, read that last paragraph a couple of times. Then realize that you kids would have to give all of that up plus: having any close school friends, Halloween parties, Christmas concerts, playing sports or in band, coloring Santa pictures, homecoming dances, pep rallies, 4-H, Boy Scouts, Campfire Girls, or dates. The congregation would monitor what you let your kids read, what movies or TV you let them watch and what you let them wear.
For that matter, the congregation will monitor what YOU read, what movies (say good-by to R-ratings) or TV YOU watch, and what YOU wear.
What that little boy needs is to see the joy (and sorrow) that can be had in a life that is rich, complicated, and, most importantly, honest. That's what you and his father could give him that will be completely absent from his life if you try to live falsely.
Jewel....apologising for the weirdness in my posting (?!?)
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sherah
Welcome to the forum.
Attending meetings will not make a difference in him being reinstated. If you nothing is hindering you, get married and then he can proceed with the long reinstatement process. Good luck.
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LKM
Thank you for your replies. The bf and I read all of the replies. We are united in our decision for him to try to get reinstated... But I will never study/be baptized. Anyway, we are confused about the order.... should we get married before reinstatement or after?
Facts:
1. we don't live together
2. I do not sleep at his house when his son is there
3. he has 50% court mandated custody
4. he will never go door to door again
5. he does not believe anything JW
6. We are doing this b/c he misses his family and wants to talk to them again.
7. His family has never met me.......but they know about me.
8. He got df'd 18 months ago b/c of me....
Thank you in advance for your replies.
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OUTLAW
4. he will never go door to door again
5. he does not believe anything JW
6. We are doing this b/c he misses his family and wants to talk to them again.
8. He got df'd 18 months ago b/c of me....
You`ve just given us 4 reasons why this won`t work..
I doubt he`ll get re-enstated..
Your already the devil..He`s going back to you..
This is all going nowhere..You need a new plan..
......................;-)...OUTLAW
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sizemik
8. He got df'd 18 months ago b/c of me....
That being the case . . . you have two choices IMO . . .
Either get hitched first and then go for reinstatement . . . or stay right out of the picture while he does it. Either way, your presence will not help the process. You will either be the "unbelieving mate" . . . or the worldly g/f . . . unless you fake genuine interest and I wouldn't recommend that.
If you leave marriage until after re-instatement, but attend the meetings with him . . . you will have a long wait.
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InterestedOne
4. he will never go door to door again
I would think this would hinder or even prevent his reinstatement. As I understand it, in order to convince the elders that one wishes to be "one of Jehovah's Witnesses," one must demonstrate this desire by his/her actions, including meeting attendance and field service. Note that when someone gets disfellowshipped, he/she is declared "no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses." Your bf has to demonstrate that he wants to be a JW again.
To reinforce the importance they place on the door to door activity, I vividly recall a meeting in which the elder was talking about the blood issue. He said if someone accepts a blood transfusion, Jehovah considers that person bloodguilty, and furthermore, if we are not doing all we can to go door to door and warn people not to take blood transfusions, we ourselves become bloodguilty. Maybe this elder was exaggerating, but I don't see how your bf could get reinstated without going door to door at least in the beginning.
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LKM
UGH. Honestly, I don't think he'll get reinstated. I am hoping (praying to any god that will listen) that at least one of his family members will eventually leave, just so he has SOMEONE that knew him before... that will talk to him again. I dread the day that his son begins to grapple with all of this. Its not fair for a child to have to go through.
I love my bf and I will not leave him. But I hate this cult. It is ridiculous.
Thank you once again for the replies. And I will be reading the books people recommended.