Hello--new to the witnesses...and you

by LKM 85 Replies latest jw friends

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  sizemik

  Of course outsmartthesystem . . . what you say is correct if it is applied perfectly . . . but is still a best case scenario.

  It isn't until the inactive one displays a "bad attitude" (negative comments/disagreements/in depth questions that undermine the "authority" of the leaders of the organization) that he/she begins to be shunned.

  What that really means in my experience . . . is that you respond positively, or you don't . . . hence my "in or out" comment. Inactivity is not usually a lasting condition . . . either way.

  I guess my warning was more tailored to this particular posters situation and intentions. Being an "inactive" observer over time won't garner acceptance . . . more likely the opposite, given their situation.
• 

  Cagefighter

  LKM, Forgive me if I am repeating anything. I only read the first page of replies and outlaws graphical and accurate sentiment.

  What you are saying (innocently) is like me hearing someone say this:

  My boyfriend stopped slamming heroin but doesn't want to alienate his heroin injecting family and friends so we are doing heroin occasionaly with them.

  My bigger question is I was you would be: If your boyfriend is ready to take a big step like marriage why does it matter what his family thinks? Second, why are you enableing this?
• 

  I quit!

  Hi LKM and welcome. I can see that you already have a pretty good understanding of what is going on there. When you are in a relationship with someone who was in a cult like the Watchtower there is always the danger that they will at some point want to return to it. I see a lot of good advice here but to me it boils down to this. He has to make a decision to be himself or pretend to be someone he is not in order to please his family.

  He also has to decide between his family and you. It is natural for someone to want to have a good relationship with their family but if in order to have that relationship with them they have to go through life acting out the role of good little JW it just isn't worth it. At least to me. To me it is bad enough to have to hide what you really believe and lie about it to please someone but with JWs it much worse than than that. Faking being a JW involves an entire lifestyle of deception. Going to meetings to listen to crap you don't believe in. Having make postive comments about crap you don't believe in. Going to your neighbors doors peddling crap you don't believe. If you have children you have to teach crap you don't believe in or make good little liars out of them so they don't give the game you are playing away.

  If he decides to return to the Watchtower to please his family this is the game he is getting involve in and this is the game you are being sucked into. He has to decide if this is the kind of person he is and if it is worth it to him and you have to decide the same thing.

  I know this sounds harsh but you are dealing with a harsh religion that makes harsh rules.

  My heart goes out to you.
• 

  Pams girl

  Welcome to the forum x

  If you are marrying this man, and he intends to be reinstated, know that your married life is going to be like this.....

  1. He will put the Jws first in EVERYTHING

  2. He is the head of the house and you will be expected to OBEY him

  3. He would rather loose YOU than loose THEM

  4. The JW will interfere in EVERY aspect of your married life, including sex, how you dress, how you conduct yourself, they are ALWAYS going to be watching you, waiting to pounce.

  Please please please dont get the little children involved in anything to do with study, or the KH. Im begging you.

  I wish you love and happyness, take care, Paula xxx
• 

  ShadesofGrey

  Please read the books! I also recommend "Rescuing your loved one from the Watchtower" because there are a bunch of photocopies from the JWs publications.

  You simply must be informed. There are many people who have been bamboozled by their teachings. Atheist rocket scientists, Christian pastors, Wiccans, etc. I would also be SURE that your bf is 100% convinced that they are a destructive cult.

  I am a Christian now and I can tell you that this is not a religion. Organized religion is bad enough but a destructive cult is different. I love JWs. The poor dears are being held hostage. That doesn't mean that I attend their meetings in order to help them.

  Love,

  Shades
• 

  ShadesofGrey

  Here are two links that you simply must read in order.

  http://www.jwfacts.com/growing/p1.htm

  http://www.jehovah.net.au/whats_wrong.html
• 

  InterestedOne

  Hi LKM, I was never a JW, but I spent almost a year observing and studying with them due to a JW love interest.

  LKM wrote:

  we are about to get married...

  Let me make sure I understand your plan:

  1. Get married asap -before- he is reinstated.

  2. Now according to JWism, you are an "unbelieving mate" that he got married to when he was out in "the world." For lack of a better way to phrase it, you might be considered one of the various "mistakes" he made when he was "out of the truth," but what's done is done.

  3. He can then tell the elders that he wants to "draw close to Jehovah" and help his unbelieving mate to do the same.

  4. If he starts playing the part, he might be able to get reinstated even if you are still an unbelieving mate.

  I guess logically it could work if you do the steps in the above order. I would think at first you should stay away from the meetings so the JW's have no idea who you are until later. That way, it will appear to be that your husband had a "change of heart" even though he is married to a worldly mate.

  It will be awful for him to have to live this lie though. It will be confusing for the child (or future children) too.

  Edit: The whole thing sounds like a bad idea because of the emotional torment lying will cause.

  Edit: Then again, if being able to speak to family means putting on a suit, sitting through awful meetings, and handing out inane magazines, maybe it's worth the trouble. He is in a tough situation wanting to speak with family. The fade might be difficult, and he will have to be careful not to end up back at square one - as others have noted.
• 

  Jewel
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  NewChapter

  I didn't read through everything, but welcome. Also he can get reinstated without you showing interest---especially if he marries you. In their eyes, once married, they just have to accept it, and eventually reinstate him. Keep in mind, you will always be an outsider to his family.

  NC
• 

  Jewel