Question for Elders (page 2)

elderelite

I have to echo cedars, particularly on edging towards the door. I have a plan and that is the only thing that makes it tolorable for me. Absent a hard and fast end game, i was eaten alive everyday. once you have a plan and come to grips with leaving it all settles down and you can focus on accomplishing the task at hand

shadow

Where do you stand now? Believe in God? Bible? JW but not elder?

I was handling TM School most of time so could generally dodge topics I no longer wanted to handle. Only continued giving public talks that didn't bother conscience. Enough elders to avoid committees. I still believe in God, Bible and I'm still a JW

had plenty of sleepless nights but not so much anymore. difficult to even talk to family now. have to not speak up about many issues

stuckinamovement

Hi Curiousconfused,

I posted here as an elder for about a year or so before I stepped aside. I lurked for about 2 years before that. It was incredibly painful to have to give talks and know with your heart that some of what you were saying was not true. It got harder and harder. I remember getting physically ill before many meetings. I would suck it up, put on a fake smile, and march into the hall with my family. It soon became like a job that I hated.

Every elder meeting I would be a part of was torture. I got to the point where I refused to be on a judicial committee. I remember going to the KM school in late 2010 and looking around the auditorium and thinking, how many other brothers are just like me, faking it, putting on a face for family and friends? Especially during the talk on why we should trust the FDS or the talk on why higher ed was wrong I remember wondering, how many of us at the school were thinking, "this is wrong"? Yet, none of us could speak openly about our concerns even if we wanted to.

You might think that there are repurcussions for stepping down. There aren't if you do it right. Don't get me wrong it is really hard to pull off without being hassled, but if you use depression, or family needs it can work. With that said it was hard to step down. I prepped the body of elders for about six months prior, dropping hints here and there that I was contemplating it. They offered to lighten my load which was appreciated. When I gave them my letter of resignation they weren't surprised, and some actually even supported me in my decision.

I just got to the point where I realized that half of my life was over, and I didn't want to live the rest of my life conflicted or confused. So I decided to jump. My wife was very supportive because I had confided in her and exprpessed my concerns about the organization. She did not want to see me be a hypocrite anymore than I wanted to be one. I figured what example would I set for my kids if I continued to be an elder after I saw that the organization was false?

One thing I would mention is that serving as an elder is a powerful tool if you want to show your loved ones the truth about the organization. There are materials and communications that you have access to that the average publisher does not. Show them if you can, the Shepherding book, letters to the BOE that are legalistic and insane, and tell them about the contentions within the BOE. Elders have weight attached to their words which can be a good thing if you are trying to get someone to look at the "truth".

I am in the middle stages of a fade. My lovely wife is coming out with me. We are in pain trying to figure out our next steps since we too have family and friends that we love within the organization. I am sure that soon the elders will be following up to find out what is wrong with us. It just boils down to what is right and your personal tolerance for bullshit. I reached my saturation level and just could not force myself to do it anymore.

We are now working on building a support group for the next phase of our life. It is important to know that you are not alone in your struggle to do what is right in a religion that is wrong. It has helped to comisserate with others who are in the same position.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I wish you the best and sincerly empathize with you. It is a tough place to be in. Take care.

SIAM

cedars

Thanks SIAM. We've shared emails before, but I appreciated reading that summary of your experience.

I like how you prepared the body for your decision well in advance to eliminate the shock factor. I think that's the way to go.

It's also crucial to have your family on your side, and it takes courage to confide in them when doubts begin to emerge.

Cedars

stuckinamovement

Curious confused, you have a PM

iclone

The answer to stepping aside is very simple as it was in my case. I served as an elder for 12 years. I wanted to step aside for years as it was excruciating to continue. Then a miracle happened that opened the door for me; my children became teenagers…and the rest as they say, is history!

breakfast of champions

I'm a former elder who "stepped down" after serious medical/mental health issues. Woven in there, too, was the fact that my faith in god - at least a god who gives a damn- is really out there. The other elders were quite empathetic and kind, I can't fault them at all.

Although my breakdown led me to start questioning everything and step aside, I was still "in" for about 5 years. I can't imagine having my "awakening" experience while being an elder. I don't think I could stand it for a moment. I give anyone who sticks with it for whatever reason a lot of credit. You must have nerves of steel and iron stomachs!

The Searcher

Thank you all for your words of comfort; I'm only a former MS, now 'just' a publisher, but it was such a relief to leave "the team". However, there is a gulf the size of the universe between Jehovah's people and Jehovah's "organisation". The two are not the same. And when these Scriptures start being fulfilled, 1 Pet 4:17, 2 Thess. 2:11,12 & Rev.chapters 2 &3, brothers such as yourselves will be desperately needed to pick up all those who are shattered by the truths which you have already had to come to terms with. For a while I felt like a freak - how could I alone see corrupt teachings and be right, when seven million of my brothers didn't. there are many of us now I believe, but endure to the end.

Remember the prophecy about sighing & groaning about the DISGUSTING things being done in the midst of Jehovah's recognised centre for true worship? Stay in the 'midst', sigh and groan, because Jehovah is allowing the error to continue. He doesn't need us to stop that error from continuing - so we wait silently, but firmly.

Just a p.s. when I asked 2 different C.O.s about Romans 6:7, both refused to discuss it with me. Wonder why?

cedars

The Searcher - if you still believe that Jehovah's Witnesses represent "Jehovah's recognised centre for true worship", then I would strongly advise you to keep searching, as painful to accept as your discoveries may turn out to be.

Cedars

Doubting Bro

Curiousandconfused,

I spent the last 2+ years as an elder lurking/posting here and not believing that the WTS was Jehovah's Organization. I finally got to the point that I couldn't take it anymore and resigned citing the need to take care of my family (young kids). I understand the pain you're going through and can appreciate how difficult it is to function. Parts became increasingly difficult as you carefully word things so that you don't feel like a complete hypocrite. Elder meetings are tortue like SIAM says, as you either try to inject reasonableness against whatever hard core faction your BOE may have (we had a core of 3 hard core, 3 moderate and 2 swing votes - I started out hard core, went to swing and by the end of my serving, I was liberal).

Just as others have suggested, I planted seeds for a good 6 months about how stressed out I was with family responsibility and being a "good elder". Finally, the rest of the BOE wanted me to sit on a judicial committee for someone who confessed to fornication just 3 months after they'd already been put on reproof for the same thing. Since I was on the first committee that just gave the person private reproof, I was asked to be on the next one. Since we both know what happens in this type of case, I said that I couldn't because I wished to resign. They still tried to get me to go on the committee but I was able to talk them out of it. After 2 weeks of going back and forth, the BOE accepted my letter of resignation.

Although I was treated differently by the congregation and BOE, it actually wasn't that bad because some of the elders leaked that the reason I resigned was because I needed to care for my family. My family on both sides never gave me any hassle over stepping down ("aside") although many of them serve.

I will tell you this, once I resigned, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Actually, it was more like a boulder had been taken off my chest.

PM me if you'd like to chat. It does get better!

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