by CuriousUK 156 Replies latest social relationships
CuriousUK -
Sorry if this has been brought up already - I haven't read all of the posts.
If you have children with this man and one of them needs a blood transfusion, are you prepared to refuse one? It could mean the child's life, or your life if it is you.
That, to me, is a deal breaker.
mf6
CuriousUK,
I've seen life through his eyes - having been a young male JW. Being sex starved means the moment you hook up with a girl you're the most attentive lover and it would have been so exciting for him to have this secret forbidden relationship with you. Like a powerful holiday romance without the control of the truth.
His past may be colourful but life is about experience and he may have learned a great deal from his time in America.
But do not be under any illusions. He needs to be in a relationship to be happy, as he is lacking freedom of thought and a satisfying career - all the things that you have (and shouldn't trade). There was purpose in his actions in having the initial relationship with you and confessing it to get his scriptural divorce. You were his excuse to become free to remarry. That didn't work out and it seems his chances of finding a JW mate are becoming exhausted (his reputation will be rock bottom due to his previous reproof - which will always he a stigma he must carry). So now he's thinking back to when he had a great time - and that's when he shows up again (via text).
However nice and wonderful he is, you may find he is more than a little manipulative (something JW's are learn to be). He has already toyed with your emotions, is now asking you to make commitments which are really quite selfish. He doesn't truly know what he wants, may be full of promises and aspirations - a sign of over confidence hiding the low self esteem many male JW's suffer from (and understandably so - poor fella is in a community where he is considered a weak sinner due to his past which is not a good environment to be in).
This may seem overly negative - and may be hit and miss in terms of accuracy but I've been through it, seen it in many other JW's and would advise you take a realistic view. He has spent many years practicing the rote of being very understanding, showing a great personal interest in you (all the old sayings are coming out now!) and you would have rocked his world given your creative talent.
I wish you all the best and let us know how this progresses
mmxiv
MMVIX said - There was purpose in his actions in having the initial relationship with you and confessing it to get his scriptural divorce. You were his excuse to become free to remarry. That didn't work out and it seems his chances of finding a JW mate are becoming exhausted (his reputation will be rock bottom due to his previous reproof - which will always he a stigma he must carrely y).
Sad but likely true
Hmm... I feel for you CuriousUK. Same situation here but I guess mine inactive. He is raised as JW, the whole family is JW except maybe the brother is never baptized. He had made our relationship known to all his friends and family, but I am not sure what their reactions are since I have not met them yet. He had questions and disagreement with some of the WTS teachings but strongly holding on the doctrines (or that is the typical of ex/JW when come to doctrine discussion) and holidays. From my observations on how he plan our future, he had not have a hint about having a life like the JWs do (he wants good education for the kids, going places etc..etc..).
Really a good man but I am just not sure about everything.. still in dilemma, but I am not yet giving up in helping him with the Bible truth and stuffs but I know I need to be extra careful and also to be prepared for the end of our relationship.
I just don't believe that there is no hope at all for JWs to be free or even have a normal life outside the religion (providing of course his own effort to free his mind and seeking the truth). But.. ahhhhhh.. who knows..
But I beg you to PLEASE not to convert or even agree to do Bible study unless you are very well versed with the Bible yourself but I can assure you that they are very well taught in argument on these stuffs. I have been doing a lot of research and study myself and found so many twisting of facts by the WTS. Even their Bible are translated inaccurately to agree with their doctrine. May be this website will help you if you want to help your boyfriend.
there is no such thing as going into a "study" with a JW with an "open mind", any questions,thoughts and feelings after the first few weeks will be buried and you will begin and indoctrination process of which will include repetitive mind numbing propaganda solely from their trash which they call "literature".Then invitations to thier meetings will commence and a "love bombing" will be heaped upon you, when you will turn around and say to non believing friends"maybe they ain't such bad people after all", its tragic that you have such strong feelings for this guy, but accepting his demand for you to become a JW, will result in huge emotional turmoil and neglect for yourself a couple of years down the line. Ive been there. Another fact to remember is that many unbelieving mates become JW's because they "could not win their arguments any more" that is one of the worst reasons to join them.
I just saw the thread title.
One word.
RUN
You've had heaps of guidance here so far ,...my 2p is this: The only type of JW I would date would be the specific brand of EX JW who has done real research into their previous religion and now has come to see it for what it really is - A MIND CONTROL CULT.
Unless he is in that position and is able to repeatedly and honestly say the CULT word re the JWs, then there is very real risk that he will return to the religion at some point of crisis or stress because deep down if he still believes it is the "Truth" then it is only a matter time before he returns to it, or else compromises the relationship over doctrine.
Apologies for not replying sooner... Just needed to take a step back and seriously give thought to all that has been discussed so far. It's been hard to hear at times, and even harder to accept what you are all telling me, as wise as it is!
It greatly saddens me, but I realise that I have some exceptionally hard decisions and choices to make with my future, and how to proceed...
I am very glad that I posted this thread, as it has been incredibly informative and enlightening, and hopefully might be useful to others in my position too! I can't believe this thread has so many hits already :)
I have still not heard a reply to my email, but will keep you all informed when I do
Regards
Well, good luck. At least you are checking the depth of the water before diving in.
@Curious, we dont need a blow by blow, we just wanted to help you to avoid making a very painful mistake indeed.
