I just want a divorce! (page 4)

gingerbread

It sounds, from the additional details, that you're going about this nasty business in the right way. It's a blessing that your mom is backing your decision. I'm guessing that the marriage was a bit of a disappointment to your folks in the beginning. Those of us that were raised in the 'truth' often marry because of some sense of obligation and guilt.

As my folks told me when I was going through this...chalk it up to experience. Cut your losses and enjoy the rest of your life.

About kids ( I have those too ) : please consider counseling. The damage done because of divorce leaves scars for a lifetime. It will affect how they see you, the ex and their future relationships. Don't talk negative about your husband in front of the kids. He will always be their Dad. Ask your parents to show the same respect for the feelings of the children. They're innocent bystanders. Don't allow them to become emotional pawns in this game called divorce.

LisaRose

It's hard to give advice without knowing the ins and outs, but if it were me, I would focus on making sure you are not financially tied to him. If you have a legal separation, then that is already taken care of. If he will not divorce you, then it depends on the reason he is objecting and why you want the divorce and how much money, time and effort you are willing to invest to get your freedom. If he is objecting because he wants a scriptural divorce, so he can remarry, then are you willing to give him grounds, or at least say you have (lie)? If that is not his reason and he is just stupid and just doesn't want anyone else to have you, then you have a few options. If you want the divorce in order to remarry, then you will have to go the expensive route. I don't know what your religious beliefs are now, but many people in this situation just decide to live in sin. A relative of mine did that because her husband's wife was Catholic and was using that to punish her husband, she didn't want him, she was just vindictive, they finally divorced but it took ten years . I don't think that is what you want, because you left the dubs due to your conscience, but if it were me, and I would just make a vow to God that I was married in my heart, and not worry about the legalities. But that may not fly with your mom. What he is doing is not actually actually OK, per JW rules, he should only be allowed to leave you if you endanger his spirituality, since you didn't talk about religion, I don't see how that is possible. But in my experience, that is more liberally interpreted for the brothers. I was married for 28 years to a disfellowshipped husband. Even though he did drugs and didn't support me, I was told I had to stay. But he is actually in the wrong here spiritually so maybe you can use that as leverage.

It's a lot to think about, but you do have choices.

EdenOne

i've also written to the society who have written back asking for permission for the letter to be sent to the elders for further information/discussion

Since when the Society asks for "permission" to forward an information to the local elders of a congregation? This is new ...

Eden

Nathan Natas

I am not an attorney, and what I say should not be taken as legal advice.

Bornfree123 said, " ... He immediately replied to say that he wouldn't be going along with an "unscriptual divorce" (hardly scriptual to leave your family but hey ho). This leads to my question: Is this a JW thing or is he just being pig-headed?"

This is an old-time JW pig-headed thing.

As a JW, he needs to see you as evil, wicked, and sinful. He wants YOU to lower yourself to meet his wicked standards and commit adultery so that he can condemn you and elevate himself.

But he's behind-the-times, not keeping up wirh Jehovah's ox-cart-like organization. The JWs have invented the "scriptural" excuse for divorce on the basis of one mate being a "spiritual hazard" (or something like that, the precise phrase escapes me noe. Perhaps someone can fill-in the blank here.

The basic idea behind this new idea is that he can divirce you because YOU are a threat to HIS "spirituality."

Don't let yourself be manipulated by him into acting against your own morality OR be tricked into revealing personal information that is none of his business.

His goal is to label you as a whore.

Quarterback

Hi, and welcome

I understand why you have this question. because exiting a marriage is not covered in the WT CD Rom, or, at Pioneer school. It's crazy that your mate can physically beat you, abuse you, but, you are are bound to him despite living far away from one another. When Jesus gave the command allowing divorce he was talking to Israelite men who had the advantage of divorcing their spouses for any reason. That is the context that gets missunderstood by the WT society. Thank goodness, the law is open minded on this. I agree with what the other posters are saying, you need a Lawyer. You don't need your mates approval, he walked out.

All the best, and it's your God given right to move-on.

clarity

Bornfree ... welcome to you & your family.

Sorry about your distressing situation. Watchtower beliefs

seem to make things worse than they need to be!

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Great advice from the jwn ers as usual. Wish they had been

around when I was going thru this!

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Way to go! ... to your mother!!!!!

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Unusual that a MALE would want to stall around...having no

sexual partner.

Super dub husbands always want to be in the 'right'......

so I too think he may be trying to 'smoke you out'...

hoping you will do the DEED & be the bad guy!

Have a trusted friend keep an eye out for his activities.

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Foremostly protect your kids ...no matter the age, they suffer!

wishing you good 'luck'

clarity

Adventurousone

Welcome Bornfree:

By the way good name. I like the point brought out about your children. Please don't talk bad about their dad in front of them.

They will see for themselves what he is like, time will tell. Thats important because they can turn on you if your not careful.

I went through a divorce when I was younger, and I never talked bad about their dad. And guess what they saw for themselves.

So if anything please listen to this if you don't want to turn out to be the bad guy.

GLTirebiter

Is ths a JW thing or is he just being pig-headed?

Both. It is a "JW Thing" to withdraw from a "weak one", apostate, or non-believer as a way to make them choose between being in the organization and loss of loved ones. It is pig-headed to not cooperate with bringing to an official end to what has become a marriage in name only. If he was not being pig-headed, he would speak to you, seek professionkl counseling, etc., not withdraw his affection and attention.

Laws vary from place to place. You should seek competent local advice; what applies where I live may not be allowed where you are.

Nathan Natas

Yes! Thank you, caliber! "spiritual endangerment" is the new "scriptural concept" I was trying to recall...

I also wanted to say that if you have the resources, you might hire a Private Investigator to look into HIS social activities.

He is either completely chaste, a masturbator or keeping comany with another person, either male or female. If your P.I. got some goods on him, it might make him far more compliant. He might even find himself sitting in the little room with 3 elders.

Rattigan350

walls of jericho said "Divorce is not unscriptural".

That is incorrect. Besides my hating that word 'scriptural', it does say that Jehovah is hating a divorce so he does not want that.

It is just that legal action does not break the marriage ties. But when one has sex with another that breaks the ties because it forms new ones.

That is what happened in Israel. They didn't have weddings. They had sex and that made them married.

So by Jesus' words, the divorce would make the one feel free to remarry but that would not not be free. Then that 2nd marriage would break the first bonds and form new ones. It would not be an adulterous marriage as there is no such thing. Only that moment was adulterous.

I just want a divorce!

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