I just want a divorce! (page 5)

slimboyfat

Have you met someone else? If so why not just tell him he can have his "scriptural divorce"?

What was it that made you decide to leave the JWs? Have you got family still in?

zed is dead

Bornfree,

Welcome, and sorry about your situation.

When he wrote you back and said he does not want an unscriptual divorce, he was basically asking you to give him scriptural grounds. He probably has someone lined up already that he would like to replace you with. They may have already done the deed, but he wants to blame you so he can look like the wronged party.

Remember, HE is the one that moved out and abandoned you and your children. He has no high ground to stand on. If nothing else, his sexual abandonment of you puts you both in a bad situation. Elders normally do not like that.

Figuratively speaking, cut his balls off in court.

Wishing you all the best!

zed

ABibleStudent

Welcome bornfree123, I'm sorry that you will be going through unnecessary drama with your husband. Ditto what other posters have written about seeking professional legal and counseling help.

Lawyers follow the law and use the tools that they have been trained with to help their clients. Unfortunately, retaining a lawyer first may improve your chances of winning, but it may be a costly war if you have not properly prepared your husband to emotionally, mentally, and financially view divorcing you as being beneficial to him.

Are there any cult-exit counselors in the U.K. that you could consult with about handling your husband? What motivates your husband? Does he still love you (i.e., infatuated with you)? Does he want to control you and prevent you from moving on with your life? Does he want to be viewed as the victum and a faithful JW by the congregation? Have you considered asking your husband to go to counseling with you from preferably a cult-exit counselor so that you can prepare your husband to view divorcing you as a good thing for him?

I knew a "Spiritually Strong" (non-thinking) JW sister who divorced her husband in a no fault State in the USA. It was a costly and messy divorce for my former friend. The problem was her husband knew that he could prevent his ex-wife from moving on with her life as long as he did not get caught having sex with other women. My former friend also got a restraining order approved against her ex-husband. The last time I talked with my former friend she was celebrating that her husband was going to jail for violating the restraining order. She was still waiting on WTBTS to decree that she was free to marry another JW.

Peace be with you and everyong, who you love,

Robert

FirstLastName

I divorced my JW ex in a no fault state in the US. He did not want a divorce either. Forntuate for me, in my state, it does not matter is both parties do not agree. He only dragged it on longer by trying to get alimoney from me cause I made made more money. He did not get it and I got my divorce. Win.

I wish you the best of luck as laws vary from place to place. I realise that I had the easiest case with no kids and no property, so I was fortunate. I can see why you would want this since you still seem to be connected to a person that has no activity and input in your life. Its natural to want to move on.

best of luck and welcome to the board !

bornfree123

Think i posted a blank message earlier - I was trying to use my phone to post.

The reason he gave me for his decision to leave was that - and I promise you this is true - his spiritual AND physical life was in danger if he stayed. When i questioned him further (as did the elders when they spoke to him), he said that he had planned to take his own life on several occasions during the months before he left. He firmly believes that this means that this entitled him to leave the family. One of the last things he said before he left was that it was the best thing for us all!!

The 2 years before he left had been an extremely difficult for us. He had an undiagnosed condition that had meant that he could not work. I have always worked, but mainly part time (although i was still the higher earner). I then increased my hours to full time whilst he looked after our youngest daughter (who was only 18 months old) for a couple of afternoons a week. She was with a child-minder for the rest of the time. I believe he has since been diagnosed with ME/CFS. He has since said (by text) that I caused his condition due to my decision to leave "the truth" which caused him so much pain and heartache that his body couldn't cope. He said "you are going to die and there's nothing I can do about it", and the worry has made me ill. He blames me 100% for our breakup and says that he had no choice but to leave. This is why he will not agree to a divorce.

I do try really hard not to bad mouth him to the girls, I don't always succeed but I really try hard.

I decided to leave the organisation because, as many other youngsters brought up in it, i was just carried along. I had promised myself my whole childhood (since being taken along at the age of 5) that I would leave. I hated being different at school, I was embarassed going on the doors (as it was called then). I hated having to stay out of assemblies at school, but I got friendly with some girls at the hall who were uber-spiritual and I started going out with them. I didn't do my first door until I was 13. Then when I was 15 I met my hubby and got married when I was 18. I pioneered, went to pioneer school, was on at the Circuit assemblies and district convention. I completely threw myself into it, lock stock and barrel. It wasn't until I had our first daughter at 27 that all the old feelings resurfaced and that was the start of my "awakening". I could see that I was forcing my child into all the things that I had hated. I could see that she was deeply unhappy too (I also knew that she was secretly taking her toys to give to her friends on their birthdays).

I was warned a few times by elders wives (you know the type, can I work with you today sister) about some of the questions I was asking and comments I was making. I remember being told once that if my hubby wanted to reach out to be an elder, i need to be careful with the things that I was saying. I finally left at the age of 34.

Sorry if i'm jumping around a bit - I don't know of any cult counsellors in this country, but he is totally averse to counselling or mediation. He just does not want to know. This is going to be a very acromonious (and expensive) divorce.

Apologies if i haven't answered all the questions.

Oh, and yes, I was very surprised that the society wrote to me asking for permission to send my letter to the society. The must be trying to get their act together.

BF

wallsofjericho

walls of jericho said "Divorce is not unscriptural".

That is incorrect. Besides my hating that word 'scriptural', it does say that Jehovah is hating a divorce so he does not want that.

No, its not incorrect.

1 Cor 10:23 - “All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.

Jehovah hates a divorcing but Jesus did not say that divorce was a sin, he only said if you divorce not on the grounds of adultery, yet marry another then you are an adulterer.

Besides, we are not talking about what the bible says, or what your opinion on this is, we are talking about the WTS's opinion.

Nobody gets DF'd simply for divorcing or separating from their spouse. Period.They get DF'd for "non-support" or adultery, etc. That is what happens in the JW / Watchtower world, and even if they are DF'd for other reasons they are still not free to marry until adultery is committed.

wallsofjericho

your husband wants to kill himself and its all your fault?

your husband got ill and it's all your fault?

He blames you for all his problems but refuses to allow you a divorce?

IF this guy has a man card I demand he turn it in right now to be shredded. JW or not, this guy is a loser. No wonder you left him!

Roberta804

Born Free,

You are not as restricted as your JW husband. To me there are only the four "A's" for divorce: Adulty, Abuse, Abandenment, and Addiction. No Judge in the world would keep you from obtaining your divorce with his abandnment. So go ahead and file and just smile when you see him until he gets served.

Nathan Natas

BornFree123 said, "He has since said (by text) that I caused his condition due to my decision to leave "the truth" which caused him so much pain and heartache that his body couldn't cope."

Perhaps he is unfamiliar with the section of his Holy Book that says:

1 Corinthians 10:13 [Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)]

13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

I just want a divorce!

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