I just want a divorce! (page 6)

flipper

BORN FREE- First off- welcome to the board. Second off - I'm very sorry you are dealing with this " emotional vampire " soon to be ex-husband. He sounds like he takes no responsibility for anything he does and has the ultimate " persecution complex " syndrome. Of course- many JW's do. But your husband definitely has deep emotional difficulties and I would put the emphasis on getting full custody of your dear children first- as it appears this man is not responsible enough to hold down a job with his either physical/emotional difficulties. Protect your children first- in my opinion that takes priority here. Especially protecting them from being sucked into this crazy-a$$ JW cult so they won't be alienated from you - the only sane parent they have left.

My JW ex-wife did everything she could to turn my 3 teenage children against me when we divorced - so far she has suceeded with my two daughters, but not my son- he saw through it and got out of the WT organization as well. Save your children and seek legal counsel and through court insist on their father paying child support financially to help you with your children's economical welfare. I think your husband uses situations to do the " poor,poor me " thing to escape responsibility. Don't buy into it. Make him take responsibility by getting legal counsel and financial advice to protect yourself and your children. All I can say from one who has gone through a divorce myself in years past. Hang in there friend- we are here for you, O.K. ? Good luck to you, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

caliber

Adultery, Abuse, Abandonment, and Addiction. Cool memory aid 4A's.... 4U

But likely addiction means drug addiction though.... not love addiction

It is not uncommon for individuals who have experienced childhood trauma to be vulnerable to addictive behavior. While some self-medicate painful memories and emotions with substances like alcohol, food, or drugs, others use relationships as a way to self-medicate. The initial excitement of a new romance, along with the belief that they have finally found “the one”, provides a powerful high that relieves their pain – at least for a while.

They crave the “high” and begin the search for another fix. Love addicts are no different, which is why they often go from one relationship to the next once the initial high wears off.

ABibleStudent

bornfree123 - Sorry if i'm jumping around a bit - I don't know of any cult counsellors in this country, but he is totally averse to counselling or mediation. He just does not want to know. This is going to be a very acromonious (and expensive) divorce.

Hi bornfree123, From your description of your husband not wanting to seek help from a counselor, he sounds either like a narcissist or his cult persona is controlling his actions.

If you want to locate a cult-exit counselor to help you develop a plan to deal with your husband or to help your children stay out of the WTBTS, you can either ask British JWN members for names and contact information for couselors that they know, send Steve Hassan an email to locate a counselor in the U.K. using http://freedomofmind.com/Contact/index.php, or call Steve Hassan for a fee at (617) 396-4638 , Monday through Friday 9:00am to 5:00pm (EST). Steve Hassan describes numerous professional options for ex-cult members to heal on the following webpage: http://freedomofmind.com/Services/help2.php.

What consequences would you suffer, if you told your husband that you plan on moving on with your life (including dating), do not contact your solisitor unless he plans to sign the divorce papers, and ask a solicitor to file for a non-contested divorce that splits your maritial assets equitably between you and your husband? If you told your solicitor not to respond to your husband unless he signs the divorce papers, would your solicitor be able to ignor your husband and his solicitor without charging you additional money?

When I got a divorce from my ex-wife, I followed the advice of my lawyer to give, give, give until it hurts as far as giving her personal possesions, equally split financial assets, and do not pay alimony nor allow it to be written into the divorce decree. I let her have any personal items she wanted, and within a year she gave me many of the things back. I guess she realized within a year that she didn't want anything that reminded her of me around her.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

HappyDad

If he is not supporting you financially in any way, then it is a scriptual divorce. My daughter went through this in the late 1990's and the elders were agreeable even though they tried every trick in the book to try to convince her that the congregation would suffer. I said F them and we both wound up leaving. Happiness comes in many ways. LOL

HappyDad

jgnat

I've been thinking about your situation overnight. In a weird way your hubby is hanging on to you because you have been his handy scapegoat for a long time. If you weren't around to blame he'd have to own up to his responsibilities. He's holding on to you at a distance like a man who has superglued himself to a skunk. Not that you are a skunk, not by a long shot. The stink is all on him.

The cheapest way to go is simply to outlast him. Wait until he's found a new teat and let him beg for the divorce.

lost

oooh .... get fit girl you got a battle ahead.

Welcome Been engaged in war with my (ex not divorced yet, can't wait) husband, for a number of years.

Start a file. Keep every scrap of evidence you can get, and organise it in your file/folder.

go to the Citizens Advice Burea, it's free, and they will point you in the right direction legally.

Solicitor, very very important you get a good one, competent, not compacent, some of them are useless.

the best way to get one, is word of mouth, recommendation.

There is a website over there for mums/women and they do a referral for advice, to good family law solicitors who are experienced in these matters.

ummm (something)4 mums I think. I will try to find it for you if you can't, let me know.

A good solicitor will tear him apart, judging from what you have disclosed, based on your 'evidence'

abandonment, mental and emotional cruelty,(to you) non - payment of maintenance and child support. There are plenty of support groups and charities that may be able to help you.

e'g. Women's Aid. domestic abuse is not just physical.

You have your children on side, they may request psychologists report's.

Have you been to the doctor ? if not, go, anti-depressents, the stress and emotional upset is taking it's toll, finally caught up with you, get a referal for a counsellor.

evidence, evidence, evidence.

Play the game, work the system, adn do not, do not, get into any discussions/exchanges with him. NO text's, do not reply, do not engage with him at all.

If he does, you simply tell him.

'' You need to get your solicitor to contact my solicitor, you have been advised by your own solicitor, not to engage with him. (even if you don't have one, bluff). He may cave. Then.Get a solicior, you will MUST NOT discuss things with him, zip, nada, nothing.

He doesn't want to give you a divorce simply on the grounds of finance, your business interests, he know's he is dead in the water,

he is trying to scare you, manipulate you and control you and bring you down, he will 'bluff' you. He will destroy you if he can.

Winner takes all. It is that callous. He knows you are going to cream him. Get a female solicitor, make sure she is a rottweiler and leave it to her, do not cave.

If he comes to you begging, do not give in, he will try to trick you and deceive you, people will do anything, anything when it comes to money.

There are no rules. Dog eat Dog.

You go girl, and remember, revenge is a dish best served cold.

Tell you solicitor, about the 'cult' the threats etc, everything.

If he can be threatened,legally, soliciotor will imply it, to the elders, with bad publicity, they will not support him.

He sounds like a 'weak man'.

bornfree123

Wow "lost" thank you for that post. I've read it over and over and everything you say rings true.

Just a quick update - I went to see a solicitor yesterday and he's given me some great advice and although i'm probably not going to be able to get the absolute clean break i want I can at least get the divorce part started.. I've just completed my divorce papers and i'm off to the court now to submit them. I'm going to file under unreasonable behaviour and at first I wasn't exactly sure what to put but once I sat down and started writing, I couldn't stop! I've toned it down a couple of times but there are still several references to his beliefs as a JW which when you see it on paper its disgusting!

I wish I could be there when he receives them.

I'll let you know how things go.

Thank you again.

BF

lost

good girl

peopel do not realise how poweful it is to just sit down with pen and paper and 'start' once you start, it grows naturally.

there is so much locked in the subconscious, you have to draw it all back up, for ammunitition.

Do not, Do not, Do not, go soft, do not get 'weak' you have to be made of steel until you get through this, he will try anything to take you down.

so be strong, and show no mercy, this is business, not philanthropy.

xx

you go kick some hunni buns girl

lost

ps - keep everything for you own personal records, your original letter, keep it, put it in a box, you may never look at it again, you may never need to.

But, you may too, from time to time, take it out, find a quiet place, and read it.

It will stand to you, as a constant reminder, to never allow anyone to do it to you again.

Lozhasleft

Hello BF and welcome to the forum. I'm in UK, and also went through a divorce a few years ago. Not easy with elders interfering, they objected to me even separating on the grounds of physical and mental cruelty.

Loz x

I just want a divorce!

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