I just want a divorce! (page 2)

OnTheWayOut

Is this a JW thing or is he just being pig-headed? I understand of course that he won't be able to remarry, but is he not ALLOWED to agree to the 2 year separation route or is it more of a conscience thing?

Although he might get some temporary heat from the elders, he is allowed to divorce simply based on what has happened. Then he would not be "scripturally" free according to their rules. He is either being pig-headed or is getting advice from someone who is pig-headed. I bet it's the ones who are telling him what to do.

DATA-DOG

Hi. The ONLY scriptural reason/approved GB reason for divorce is....( drum-roll ).............. Cheating on your spouse! So when your hubby says that he will not go along with an " unscriptural " divorce, he means that he will not divorce you unless you have been unfaithful and broken the marriage bond. So if you did get a divorce, from the Governing Bodies viewpoint ( therefore the Eldumbs viewpoint ) you would still be " married " just separated.. Clear as mud, right?!

From a financial point of view, why bother? Even if you get a Lawyer and get a divorce, you will still be considered as married. If you ever happened to be with someone else and the Elders found out, you would get DF'd and hubby would be a modern day Bible hero.

Have you checked to see if your State is a " no-fault " separation State? Sorry you have to go through all this. Is your hubby normally a nice guy? You know, when he is not worshipping the Org?! Maybe you can get him out? Love to hear your story, btw.

Peace,

DD

wallsofjericho

remind your husband that he is not as smart as he thinks he is. It amazes me how idiotic so many are when they use that phrase "unscriptural divorce"

Please, show me where in the bible there is a "scriptural divorce"?? THERE ISN'T!!!

The only thing in scripture is a "scriptural remarriage"

yes "Jehovah hates a divorcing" but separation and divorce ARE NOT unscriptural, only when remarrying another without being "free to marry" is unscriptural !!

So, whether or not adultery has been committed, your husband is a complete moron. You two getting a divorce is no more "unscriptural" than you two separating... yet he went along with that.

He is just being a self righteous dick, trying to hide his "dick-ness" behind his "love for Jehovah" and his complete lack of scriptural knowledge.

He isn't getting sex from you anyway so what the f#*k does he care if he isn't free to marry after you divorce???

Satanus

They have the absolute spiritual endangerment thing, if one turns appostate and starts discouraging the jw party.

S

darth frosty

Welcome!

Now to cut to the chase why do you want a divorce?

If you want to see other people or even have someone in mind I would suggest that you just let the new relationship grow. In time you will find hubby will come around.'

anything else:

I completely agree with Data-dogs thoughts on this

gingerbread

I've been through this situation myself. Outside of the scope of the emotional trauma of divorce, I can suggest a couple of things to consider.

Divorce is a business transaction - a division of assets and debts. In order for this to work out fairly, you must retain an experienced divorce attorney. It may cost a couple thousand dollars, but it's worth it.

If he is in 'good standing' with the congregation, you have leverage. Inform your husband that you have written a (registered) letter to the elders informing them of his abandonment of you as his wife. He has failed in his scriptural obligation to support you physically, emotionally and spiritually. You can add accusations of verbal or physical abuse and infidelity. Let it all hang out. The elders with be meeting with him a.s.a.p.

Do not communicate with your husband. Refer him to your divorce attorney. Don't talk with the elders over the phone - conversations will be recorded and shared with your husband, his family, etc. Document EVERYTHING, record phone calls, keep notes - this will be important information for your lawyer to have.

If you remain in a amicable seperation, the elders will do nothing to him. Period. They don't want to get mixed up in marital situation that are heading to the court room.

You must play hardball and take control of your future. First thing to do - consult with an attorney.

caliber

In Canada at least note this...

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/qt/What-Is-Marital-Abandonment.htm

You can add accusations of verbal or physical abuse and infidelity. Let it all hang out. The elders with be meeting with him a.s.a.p.

false accusations is not constructive abandonment...

Two Types of Marital Abandonment:

Criminal Abandonment: Criminal Abandonment occurs when one spouse stops providing for the care, protection or support of the other spouse who has health problems or minor children without “just cause.”
Constructive Abandonment: If your spouse makes life unbearable and you can prove to the court that your only option was to leave the marriage this is constructive abandonment. A spouse would have “just cause” to leave the marriage for any of the following reasons as long as they are able to prove it in court.
Domestic Abuse
Infidelity
Withholding Sex
Refusing Financial Support

wallsofjericho

The ONLY scriptural reason/approved GB reason for divorce is....( drum-roll ).............. Cheating on your spouse!

Wrong.

Adultery makes one scripturally free to remarry.

There is nothing unscriptural about separation or divorce so long as you don't remarry another.

I personally know of 3 JW couples that have separated without adultery and the husbands and wives all live on their own in their own congregation, no marriage, no sex, no dating.

One couple I know has been separated for over 30 years like this!!! And I believe he even has priviledges in his congregation.

Divorce is not unscriptural

gingerbread

.....and these people are idiots! Isn't that nice the a 'brother' can be separated from his wife for 30 years and still have...'priviledges.'

What a FINE example to follow. It's no wonder that young people are leaving by the droves....

bornfree123

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your replies. I'm in the United Kingdom by the way. To try and answer your questions - I have asked a solicitor about abandonment but apparently it's not very popular with the courts over here so its very rare. My best route now is on unreasonable behaviour. I have lots of non-witness friends and they have been nothing short of amazing. Also my mum who is still in (regular pioneer for 30 years) has been a pillar of strength for me and is actually PAYING for my divorce. My non-witness friends are just amazed at the arrogance of someone who is supposed to be a Christian, it just baffles them. Hubby has always been self-righteous to be honest so it didn't surprise me when he said he wouldn't go along with an "unscriptual divorce". Wallsofjericho - I hadn't even thought about it like that - this is what I love about this site, it gives you a different perspective on things. And you're right of course, he isn't getting sex anyway so why not get divorced? In relation to a no fault separation, in the UK this only applies after 5 years. Is it true that I would still get df'd even almost 10 years after leaving the organisation? In answer to the question as to why i want a divorce - this is where things get really complicated. Too complicated to put in a message here but suffice to say, we have several joint properties that are all tied up in this and I need to make a clean break in order to move forward. There are 2 children involved too, our eldest (15) has broken all ties with her dad and hasn't spoken to him in the last 18 months. Ive written to the elders who are aware of everything, i've also written to the society who have written back asking for permission for the letter to be sent to the elders for further information/discussion. I'd love to share my story with you guys - I will as soon as I can. Have to run now to pick up my youngest daughter from school but i'll post again later. Thanks again. BF xx

I just want a divorce!

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