I made a huge mistake (page 5)

losingit

Can i say something? You purchased your gift with YOUR money-- his money and your money. YOUR in this case meaning PLURAL. I'm sure that you staying at home was a joint decision, so that $$ is yours too.

As for notgetting any gufts now ever bc he returned to the jws, well,vthats not fair to you. How do you all of a sudden go from celebratinghholidays as a couple and then nothing. I would think he'd still continue the practice of giving. He's not much of a gift-giver? Ok.... but just like jgnat said, how does he show his love and affection? Maybe he cleans, cooks, makes extra good love to.you on special occasions? What is he giving? Bc it is very difficult to be in a relationship when you're the only one givng.

Jeffro

KariOtt:

Yes to keep the peace I don't celebrate any holidays anymore.

He decided to give up those celebrations. There's no reason you should. You have as much right to your beliefs (or lack of belief) as he has to his. Why not go to other family or friends to celebrate your birthday, Christmas, etc? It might be easier to keep the peace by not having those celebrations at your own home, but there's no reason at all why you should give them up altogether if you don't want to.

Thats why I purchased my cross for myself.

What was his actual reaction to you buying the piece of jewellery? Outraged? Mildly disappointed?

KariOtt

I returned the cross, chain and watch after church. I had then credit my credit card back. Then I re-purchased the watch with cash I had and came home and told hubby what I did. He then said I didn't have to do that. He admitted in a round about way that he thought I had lied to him about what I had bought. After he left for the kingdummy hall for his meeting I cut my card up and put the orginal recept, the credit recept, and my cut up card on his desk. Durring his meeting he sent a text apologising for his paranoia. Its all good I replied I know where you're comming from. When he got home we watched tv.

I know he's in a cult that no one can trust anyone. Spouses can't trust each other. Siblings can't trust their parents and no one can trust anyone in the congration. You never know who will report something to the elders. Its their doctrine practice of lying. So now I pay the price.

Jeffro

KariOtt:

After he left for the kingdummy hall for his meeting I cut my card up and put the orginal recept, the credit recept, and my cut up card on his desk.

That sounds a bit extreme.

Julia Orwell

Whatever you do, don't apologize or say, 'my bad' because he treated you ill. If he treats you ill it's because of him, not because of you. He gotta respect your choices. Because he's just gone back to jws he's v gung ho about 'contamination' but give it time, it'll ease up n he'll become less uptight about it. I know because I was the jw in a close knit non jw family for over a decade. Stand your ground in a respectful way, and let him work himself out. I suppose he just went back for family?

troubled mind

Sadly it sounds like he is 'training ' you quite well to accept his cultish behavior as normal . Are YOU happy with that ? If you want to wear or purchase a cross necklace ,do you feel 'free' to do so after this ? Does he give your feelings and wishes as much respect as you give his ? Things to think about ....

jgnat

You know, I am married to a JW too and there's lots of crap I put up with. What I will not tolerate is the WTS coming between us. It's us against the world, babe, supporting each other and standing at each other's side. That's why we get married in the first place, isn't it?

When he's messed up, I encourage him NOT to go to the elders, considering how badly that has gone in the past. He and I work it out together, as married couples should.

There's gotta be trust, sharing in a marriage. Don't let THAT be taken from you.

jgnat

By the way, don't let him get away with the idea that you are deceiving him. From the WTS's mouth to his lips. What an insult!

KariOtt

Since his 2nd wife lied to him over money I understand where he's comming from. I hope one day he will no longer compare me to her where money is concerned. As far as him trusting me I haven't given him any reason to misturst me. He has all my passwords for all my accounts. I have none of his passwords. Sometimes I wish I had them but it dosen't matter if I do.My journal is left out for him to read if he wishes. I have never cheated on him but he has had a cyber affair of which I forgave. He has cheated on his 1st wife with the one who would be his 2nd wife. He cheated on the 2nd wife. He cheated on the woman he was seeing before me with me. I know he is a cheater. You don't have to tell me that he may be cheating on me now with someone who may become his 4th wife. I don't think he's currently cheating on me now. If he was and wanted my forgiveness I would give it. I love this man. Always have. Always will. All I want is for him to be happy and if I no longer make him happy then I would let him go. No messy divorce. I'll leave with only what I brought. So his inability to trust me is something he will have to work out. When he feels he can trust me then he can give me a credit card with my name on it to use as I wish.

perfect1

First of all, people, I am not saying it is weird to buy yourself a little something.

I am saying I find it odd to purchase ones own wedding anniversary gift.

Second of all KariOtt, having just read your last post, I do feel a bit concerned for you.

You should value yourself a bit more within your marriage.

Its sounds as if you are the ideal LONG SUFFERING, MEEK, SUBMISSIVE jw wife!

If you hear those three words and think of them as virtues, well...

I made a huge mistake

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