Wow.....
This guy sure makes it look easy!!!!!
Woman!!!!!!
I made a huge mistake
by KariOtt 63 Replies latest jw friends
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Giordano
Did he go to the Newt Gingrich school of martial bliss?
He's paranoid because he's a serial cheater.
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3rdgen
Untrustworthy people can't/don't trust. Trustworthy people trust-sometimes when they shouldn't. We tend to think others think and behave like we do. BIG MISTAKE. There is no balance of power in your marriage. You have given all of yours to him. The question is why have you done this? Is your self esteem so low you think you don't deserve better? Are you afraid he will leave you if you require an equal partenership? If the answer is yes, please seek out a therapist and/or marriage counselor. This relationship is unhealthy.
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ShirleyW
Kari - Your last post above brings up several questions ! He's JW but you mention 4 times he's cheated? Was he ever DFd for this? So many questions about that,I mean, I know of a Bro that was DFd 4 or 5 times, is that the same with your husband, or all this was kept undercover by the elder?
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KariOtt
With the exception of his going back to the cult I am happy with my marrage. Some people were raised to be submissive. Could it be that I was? I wasn't. I was raised that the head of house has the final vote. I don't have a problem being submissive in our relationship. The bible says the man is dominate and the female is submissive. I take my marrage vows seriously and knew I was marring a cheater. Don't put me down because of the way I was raised. What I believe. Or the fact that I married a man who takes more than he gives. I know I am a giver and he's a taker. As I said before I love my husband. For better or worse.
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Scully
Some men choose submissive women and a certain belief system because it allows them to be abusive and get away with it. Being submissive is a choice. Putting up with abuse is a choice. Whether you believe it or not, he is abusing you financially and with his religion.
You both took vows to love, honor and cherish one another. Abuse is not part of the package in any way, shape or form, and that includes the dysfunctional 'giver' and 'taker' dynamic you have. It's called co-dependence.
Just an FYI. It may not be important for you to address at this point in time, but it was important enough for you to take on unneccesary guilt feelings when he took a hissy fit over the cross you bought for yourself, and then come here to want other peoples' input. I'm just saying that respect is a two-way street in a marriage, and what you give to him in that currency, he ain't giving back at all. That may become a burden for you later on, and when it becomes intolerable, please know that there is help for you.
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jgnat
I had a friend who socialized with wealthy elite. In that rarified atmosphere, there are trophy wives. My friend described how often the wife, genuinely in love with her man, was never fully trusted. He assumed her attraction was the money, not him. A pretty sad state for a woman in love. A pretty lonely state for the man.
There's a fundamental difference between the common poor and the rare rich in whom they attribute their success. The poor tend to credit the community for supporting them. The self-made man, on the other hand, tends to credit....himself. For such a person, other's people's needs may seem more an inconvenience than an opportunity to pay it forward.
I hope I haven't hit the target in your case. I do think it would help if you took on some sort of activity to earn a bit of pin money and independence, taxes be damned. Maybe work for a non-profit or some other activity that can be written off. Though still unequal, at least you could look him firmly in the eye and tell him your love is fierce and real.
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Oubliette
You had me at Shrimp Scampi, ... and apparently lost your husband at the cross.
It's ironically sad, that JWs DEMAND others respect their beliefs while simultaneously FAILING to reciprocate the same respect to others.
I'm with several others posters, why did he marry you if he is so "high and mighty" for Jehovah (READ: WT "Theology")?
Sounds like he doesn't deserve you.
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Oubliette
Being submissive is one thing. Allowing yourself to be abused is quite another.
Not too surprisingly, your husband has become a control freak. He was created in the image of the Governing Body.
The dynamics of relationships modeled on JW "theology" are classic examples of an unhealthy, codependent relationship. If you have any hopes of future happiness, you need to set and maintain non-negotiable boundaries and expectations.
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Oubliette
BTW, I think your mistake was returning the jewelry. JWs are spoiled brats that throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way.
Often their childish fits of anger are surpressed passive-agressive manipulation, but they can and do get violent and ugly. Be careful.
JWs canNOT stand anyone standing up for themselves and having an independent mind. Nothing scares them more than that, nothing.