Sadly, fading is bad for my marriage

by stillin 62 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  StephaneLaliberte

  Hey Stillin,

  Sorry to hear about your situation. Hang in there man. Even if JW are setup to pressure you out of your marriage, just keep in mind that a marriage is sacred – for better or worst. Right now, its in the “worst”. But with patience, it could get better. Of course, if your unhappy years after years, then, yeah... well, at least you tried.

  I lived a similar situation years ago and my wife slowly awoke as she would hear and see things in the org that would confirm some of the things I told her before.

  Now however, I must confess that still being – in – the org is not easy. We are both awakened about TTATT and feel obligated to remain JW due to our family. Of course, we don’t go often and the result is peer pressure pushed behind the best intentions. This is causing a massive amount of stress. So, of course, this resents in my marriage. But like other things, I’m confident we’ll pull through. Yet, the stress is significant.

  So, all this to say: give it time, don’t give up. You may get back the women you fell in love with.
• 

  Comatose

  Like others I shouldn't and don't know how to advise you on the marriage. It's so personal and there can be so much that I can't understand. BUT, on the other things you mention, I believe I see a solution. It will be unpleasant but no more so than a divorce I imagine. I would switch banks if I had to, but I'd stop the free access to money. I would provide an allowance of spending money. Do it in concert with a budget, don't make it a power thing. Just a budget that you are doing. Be reasonable, but make it low enough that she needs to get a job if she wants to continue her life style. Tell her if she gets a job she can spend it all on her stuff and remove your allowance if she begins working. If she is still a good dub, then she can't leave you. Plus, if you can somehow coerce her into a job then alimony is better for you if it comes to that. The goal isn't to make her miserable here. It's to set NORMAL savings and retirement goals.
• 

  zeb

  Living the life of a Kingdom Kardasian may be how she was raised but it is not right. Go to a counsellor. Then take her kicking and screaming if need be to the counselor.

  Kill the joint accounts.

  Print out your letter to us all here and take that to the counsellor with express items highlighted and expect tantrums and fireworks!

  I too have a situation where i can discuss nothing as it always gets the approved Kigdom answer. E.g Say the war in Syria is on the news. I say "Im sure the average Syrian just wants to get on with his life and raise his kids without all that."

  Well before i have half phrased I get the 'party line' which aside from this matter here completely avoids any empathy for the maimed and murdered.

  You cant win in the discussion so ask yourself is discussion worth it? You would indicate, no. Then dont discuss...

  Under Psychiatric advice i use a 'canopy'. Think of a jet fighter canopy. If birds fly into it they glance off. If shit hits it it flicks off. Darts and arrows glance off.

  It only took me a short time to get used to the canopy. I will go out on a limb here and say stop asking her for sex. If she suddenly opens the flood gates have the courage to step back and ( your mental canopy has just shut and locked) say, "There are issues we need to be cleared up first." Did i say fireworks? Please get to a counsellor.

  Let us know how you go if you feel up to it. or write me a pm.
• 

  jgnat

  What Hoser said. As the sole wage earner you have the power to change the situation. Here are some ideas to consider.

  Change the WiFi password and cut her off the internet. Cut cable.

  Pay a moving company to put the surplus in to storage.

  Put the house on the market and downsize. Give a short list of homes for your wife to choose from. If she refuses pick for her.

  If she kicks up a fuss, take a small apartment for some peace.

  Cut off from her toys in an empty house, she will be jolted out of her comfort zone.

  Then you have a fighting chance of having a team player on your side. That or she will leave you to find a sugar daddy.
• 

  zeb

  jgnat. spot as ever.
• 

  jgnat

  I had an idea how to clean out the house without a lot of fuss ('till its done). Plan a vacation. She'll pack a bag of clothes and be out of the house. You can then instruct the movers to pack all the goods but a set of dishes and the linens.
• 

  designs

  Cut up and cut off the credit cards, keep one for necessities- gas for work. Force the discussion on her getting part time work to pay off debts.
• 

  eyeuse2badub

  So sad that a cult can ruin your married life. I'm feelin it also. O well, I swallowed the weekly pill for 60+ years so I know the shock that my wife must feel now that I no longer get giddy over 'theocratic' stuff. It's the price one pays to live a 'real life'.

  eyeuse2badub
• 

  jgnat

  I love hearing the stories of couples that came out together, even as there were stressors along the way. Angharad tells a good story. She called the Elders in panic when she realized that Simon was slipping away. His conversation with the Elders, where they had no defence other than admonitions not to tell anyone else, convinced her. They are happily together now, of course. And aren't we all glad.
• 

  Frazzled UBM

  I agree with t eh advice re money. I control my bank account and restrict how much money I give my wife on the grounds I don't want her wasting it on WBTS propaganda - I ma very clear that I will not provide financial suppoirt to the organisation that has mislead and manipulated her (m&m'ed her, as I put it). As a consequence she got herself a job and funds her own religious activites and spending on clothes - though luckily she is a true Witness in this sense and is not a consumerist, as she shops for clothes in thrift shops, which means I do buy her nice clothes every now and then so she has something nice to wear when we go out together. Also my opposer status hasn't affected our love life - quite the opposite, in some bizarre way it seems to have enhanced it.