If I were in your shoes: (and I am thankful my wife of 42 years has to have her arm twisted to buy anything for herself, yet is absolutely generous to others in need yet without acting unilaterally.)
I would move quickly to take charge of my life and finances; secure all bank accounts; cancel all overdraft protection on joint accounts leaving them dry and then reroute my salary deposits to my personal bank account. I would also move to pay off and then cancel all credit cards even my own. If I had a debit card I'd make sure wifey never finds out my pin number I would then move to cancel home internet services.
The guilty party(financial abuser) never really wants counselling intervention while they have the upper hand. Why would they? When the major financial complaints start coming in I would set a weekly or by-weekly amount (check for proof) to pay her. Wifey would then have to ask for every extra purchase. As a believer, I would tell my wife that "God wants me to get my finances under control and not waste any money whatsoever". I would be very spiritual about that...because I know if God is in control of me, my wife cannot be. I would go to Bible studies and be the model husband and Christian otherwise....
