Hello...Hello...Hello (cont) #3 (page 5)

RedhorseWoman

CP,

Just to add a few words to the encouragement Grunt gave you, I was one of those who was inactive for quite some time but striving to get back in.

It seems that once the doubts and questions enter your mind, they never leave. You can try to suppress them, but they are there. Your wife has been in that "thinking" stage while she was inactive. Right now she's trying to be the perfect Witness once again, but I'd be willing to bet that her doubts are there, just below the surface, which is why she resists your efforts to such a degree.

I'm sure that she's thinking that if she could just get the proper counsel from the elders as to how to handle her "situation", all the doubts would go away. They won't.

Hopefully, she won't make any rash decisions. Just be patient and loving. Be the opposite of what she expects from an unbelieving partner...it may get her to start thinking again.

larc

My thoughts,

I think RHW's words about being "patient and loving" are key. Over time she will see the contrast between you and an organization that is not so "patient and loving".

As far as "dotrine" goes, I think you may have blown it. When you hit a "true believer" with a list of errors, they usually retreat and shut off their minds, so I think you have to be low key in this area.

I wish you the best.

expatbrit

Hi all:

Here's a potted autobiography:

I was born in the late sixties and brought up as a JW by my
mother. My father was at first opposed, then over time he mellowed
out and became merely indifferent. I had the usual JW upbringing
i.e no after school activities or school holidays or association with wordly kids. I was lucky in that my father insisted on giving me Xmas presents.
Of course, my JW conditioning gave me guilt for accepting them, too.

I got baptized at nineteen, because all my peers had been baptized
for years and pressure had become intense for me too to "make the
truth my own". Even then, I had a lack of enthusiasm for "the truth".
I have always enjoyed playing devils advocate to try and see things
from others point of view. When you do that with the Watchtower, most
of the time you see that the others point of view is far more sensible, logical and considerate than that of the WT.

Shortly thereafter, my father succumbed to the WT cult and, God forgive me,I was the one who studied with him until he was baptized.

In the early nineties I emigrated to Canada and married, obviously, a JW.

Over the past couple of years I reached the point where I could no longer block out from my mind all of the doubts and concerns I had about the WTS. I resolved to, once and for all, investigate objectively the organization and it's history and teachings.

The result is that I stopped attending meetings about 4 months ago.

So here I am. My wife, my family back in Britain, most of my wife's family in Canada, are all JW's. I'm trying the quiet fade out method of disentangling myself from the WT cult.

At last I can start to be me!

Expatbrit.

alias

Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone.

Edited by - alias on 19 February 2001 23:52:26

DannyBear

ExPatBrit,

There must be a whole slew of people like yourself....just percolating at the surface of all 6,000,000.

Doubt's constantly put aside, questions unanswered, all continue to build pressure. Is it any wonder Jw's suffer so much anxiety and depression?

I know the journey you are on. It can be lonely at times. I didn't have the internet when I was dfd. You obviously see the advantage it offers.

You and the many others soon to come out of the closet (so to speak) are good enough reason, to keep the info on the org flowing.

Glad you can finally say 'I can now be me'....isn't it just pure delight? No more guilt complex, about every little move. No more stupifying drone of meeting after meeting. It is like finally coming out into the light of day...after being in soletary confinement for 30 years in my case.

Welcome fellow traveler.

DannyBear

thinkers wife

MGM,
I think we are in a similiar place. I da'ed in June of 2000. I knew what to expect. Sort of. Living it and knowing it are two different things. I am so glad you have your immediate family around you. Cherish your extra time with them.
TW

thinkers wife

CPiolo,
Your post breaks my heart. How very difficult for you. I think Larc's, and RHW, and Grunts replies were all wonderful.
I da'ed my self last June. I had met a wonderful man (non JW) in April. And we got married in June. He has made a tremendous effort to understand JW's. He really had no idea what they were about until he met me. His effort to understand has been a huge help to me.
I think the converse could be true with you. Be as supportive as you can be with your wife. And do take the suggestions to spend as much time as possible with she and your son. The more loving and kind you are the more of a contrast she should see between you and the witnesses. Because in my experience, many congregations as a whole (not individually) are not very loving. She may find little support for someone in her situation. (i.e. married to a worldly raging lunatic their viewpoint not mine) And the lack of love and concern may get to her. Also RHW, made a good point. When you met her she was inactive, she may have had doubts, and if so still has them. They have to develop on their own. No one can force them, least of all you. Let them play out. If she has had them, they are still there and will have to come out sometime. But maybe just not according to the timetable you would like. Love her, need her, show her how much. That is all you can do right now. Appreciate her for the good things you listed. Many marriages, unfortunately don't have near that much going for them. You have a lot.
I have so many more things floating around in my head. Don't want to fill up the page.
Just know we are thinking of you and hoping. BTW, my husband is Thinker on the forum.
TW

thinkers wife

NikL,
Welcome to you too. My post to CPiolo is the same for you. Good luck!
TW

Edited by - Thinkers Wife on 20 February 2001 9:2:29

thinkers wife

Expatbrit,
Good luck! Hope the fading out works for you. I chose the tough road. Many times either way you go the results are the same.
TW

normie67

well where do I begin......raised in the "Truth" basically, was the "Model JW".I was used in all sorts of Circuit and District parts, mainly about Pioneering and NOT GOING TO COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!The timeperiod was the mid 80s.At that time (listen up Drivelikejehu)COLLEGE was WRONG!!!!I had the wonderful privelege of being in all those DRAMAs about how bad COLLEGE was(if you remember those dramas I played Ted).Those DRAMAs came at a time when I was graduating HS.So I did what I thought to be right and Pio for 2 years!!!I actually enjoyedthis full time service!!!Know I am at the crossroads in my life....I married young(19)and subsequently divorced 10yrs later.My wife at the time got DFd, and I remarried shortly thereafter.During my first marriage I was a MS and thought life was good!!!!!!I felt pressured into "reachin out" and so thought that being a MS was the right thing.I never like the scrutiny that everybody imposed on me.That is kind of hard to explain unless you have been in that situation. After my first wife was DFd, I asked to step down.They would not let me step down for months(never understood that???).So here I am know, have a lovely wife in the Truth.I myselfstill go very regularly to meetings, service,.etc.I find to many discrepencies in the organization!!The only reason I go to meetings is all the friends I have in the organization and to keep peace with my wife.My mother and stepfather are the only family that I have in the truth.If I was to leave, it would totally crush my mother.My sister stop going to meetings years ago and that hurt my mother so much, would not want to put her through that.I lurked on H20 for about a year and posted couple of times over there.Just curious is this Foroum better than Coolboard???I lurk but don't currentlypost over there.I do enjoy Mommy and her interesting perspective on things over here.I also like DrivelikeJehu posts!!!!Drive congrats on going to College!!!!You are growing up at the right time in the Org do that!!!Drive, just curious what part of the US do you live???You don't have to specific, just area!!!Well I apologize for rambling but thats my first of I hope many posts in the future!!!
normie67

Hello...Hello...Hello (cont) #3

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