This is probably going to be the most difficult thing I have ever written. But, since I dont plan on being around [here] much longer, what the hell?
For some time now, we have discussed and expressed our outrage and horror at child molestation. Mostly, we think of little girls being molested by older men or little boys being molested by older men. That is not always the case. By some accounts, amongst the least reported and most misunderstood of all child molestations is older females who molest little boys, be they older sisters, aunts, baby-sitters or, in my personal estimations the worst of all, mothers.
Society believes that boys cannot be molested, that they cannot gain an erection under the duress of being molested and often, that mothers especially, are incapable of doing this to their son. Most times, molested boys are considered lucky or fortunate to learn the ropes at an early age from an older, experienced woman.
From David Finkelhor's data as reported in Child Sexual Abuse, New Theory and Research on page 160 uses a 1978 American Humane Association survey.
"This reporting practice shows up in the AHA data as a high percentage of cases where a woman (usually a mother) is cited as a perpetrator in sexual abuse. In Table 10-3, we see that a female was listed as involved in 41% of cases where a male was victimized and even 31% of cases where females were victimized."
If a boy experiences sexual arousal or orgasm from abuse, many believe this means he was a willing participant or enjoyed it. In reality, even though males can respond physically to stimulation, even in traumatic or painful sexual situations. Therapists who work with sexual offenders know that one way a molester can maintain secrecy is to label the child's sexual response as an indication of his willingness to participate. "You liked it, you wanted it," they'll say. Many survivors feel guilt and shame because they experienced physical arousal while being abused. Physical stimulation is likely to happen in a sexual situation. It does not mean that the child wanted the experience or understood what it meant at the time.
As some of you alrrady know, I have a deep personal dislike and distain for child molesters, but have never stated why. The reason why is that I was molested by my own mother for a period of about 5 years when young. For many years, I have struggled with the guilt, shame, and wading through the myths that society holds. The only people I have ever told is my first wife, who later twisted it in our divorce, stating I was the seducer, and my daughters, who I finally told after they reached adulthood themselves. Like any pedophile, my mother always denied it and continued to do so right up to her death last year, telling all that I was just an ungrateful hateful son.
You may wonder just how a mother initiates this. My mom was a very abusive person, physically & mentally. She thought nothing of beating the crap out of me over any thing she could. Since I was the only boy, I was usually her target, with her sometimes knocking around my sisters. To say I was very afraid of her, when I wanted to love her, is a gross understatement. All boys want to love their mothers and most do. To this day, I dont hate her. But, mine made it very difficult to love her. I digress. Somewhere, around 8 or 9 years old, I remember her coming into the bath and asking how I was growing, meaning, my genitals. To deny her anything would mean you could pick yourself up from across the room. Of course, looking progressed to touching, with her saying she was teaching me to be a man. And yes, it felt good for the moment, but what does a small child know? Follow that by more beatings and more touching, you get pretty confused. I cant begin to tell you the total power that woman held over me and how she misused her position of authority.
As I matured, it progressed to penetration. Not to would mean one hell of a beating soon to follow. Of course, she always somehow made sure we were alone in the house, to protect herself. Around age 14, it all suddenly stopped. Not the beatings, mind you, just the molestation. The beatings continued until I was 17, got fed up with them and knocked her down in retaliation.
I would also like it known that it is also a myth that molested boys become molesters themselves. While in many cases, they do, that is not always the case. I was very angry at what she had done over the years. So much so, that I swore it would never happen to my children. It never did. Neither of my daughters ever understood why I was so adamant about molesters until I told them of my childhood a few years ago. Were they shocked? You bet. But knowing what I endured and that I stopped the cycle with me drew us even closer than we were before.
My parents werent JWs and hated them with a passion. My maternal grandfather was an ordained Methodist Minister. I mention this just to show that the problem is not restricted to the JWs or Catholics. Whether or not he molested my mom, Ill never know. All went to their graves silent. But, that would never excuse what she did.
I appeal to all of you, when you are at the march this coming September 27 th , dont forget the little boys who have suffered either. Be they SilentRams or whatever, their voices need heard too. Break the myths surrounding molestation. Boys dont deserve it anymore than girls do.
Edited by - DakotaRed on 18 September 2002 0:30:11