Thinking of Going Full Disclosure With Wife. Sorta (page 3)

Oubliette

Daniel Genser's story (referenced in the OP) is very powerful. He explained very clearly and in a calm manner why he and his wife left the religion.

You can read his story here:

What I Believe to Be True – and How I Have Come to Believe It

My wife had been a pioneer for the past 7 years up until 4 months ago when she was forced to resume working full-time again. I was a ministerial servant from 2009-2014 when I was disfellowshipped for apostasy.

I started waking up in March on 2014, just after the memorial. It didn't take long for me to realize that the apostates were telling the truth and that WT is the liar. I was like a sponge when it came to TTATT. I even secretly used a week of vacation to research TTATT at the local library.

One day my wife asked me what was wrong with me, since I had not been myself. I disclosed to her about the Conti case, but she refuted it like a JW champ. I left it at that. A few more week go by and she asks if I am still researching about that case and I gave her another little nugget, but has the WT programmed into her brain very well.

Finally, when I found out about the Johannes Greber issue, I had a full blown panic attack while she was at home. I had to show her what I discovered on WT Library CD, of all places. She called me an apostate that evening and nothing has been the same since. She gave me an ultimatum to go get help from the elders, or she would talk to them for me. I don't think she thought I would get disfellowshipped. But I knew TTATT and I didn't think God would ever chose a religion that calls themselves "the truth" that lies so much and protects child molestors.

I did end up getting disfellowshipped and nothing has been the same. She started shunning me at home and treating me like crap, even in front of our 2 kids. I ended up separating and for a while it looked like things were headed for divorce.

But in the past 3-4 months, we agreed, at her request, to go to marriage counseling to see if there was anything left worth trying to repair. Things have really improved from where it was headed. She has lightened up considerable. She even said that she doesn't see me as an apostate, just as an unbeliever. That is huge because she knows I make Youtube videos and blog about my former religion.

I don't know if it's a good idea or not to go full disclosure, but sooner or later, it will come out one way or another. Just be prepared mentally for the worse. In my case, I don't know if we will ever fully reconcile and get back together, I hope we do, but who knows. Members of that cult are so programmed when it comes to their loyalty to the organization.

Oubliette

IRG: Members of that cult are so programmed when it comes to their loyalty to the organization.

THAT is the truth.

Israel Ricky Gonzales

Sad but true.

When confronted with evidence and facts, it was weird hearing my JW wife spill out WT words as if they were her own. After a few confrontations, I knew exactly what she was going to say. The programming is encoded into their brain. For some, it takes a LOT to "reformat" or "reboot" their way of thinking

freemindfade

Just to fill everyone in, my waking up really began I would say about 3 years ago now. I didn't look into TTATT or website or anything. There was a great deal that just always bothered me about the bible.

When we would do our new family worship which I was horrible at, whether it be bible reading or the like, I would always stop and have hardcore questions. I found out much on my own before things like jwfacts and this site blew the lid off. And I would bring it up "how does this make sense" "archeology says different" etc. Family worship became family argument night. I didn't know anything about CD yet, and was just asking honest questions. But her reaction disgusted me, I suddenly felt there was something wrong if this is what happened when you questioned things.

So as I faded the fights lessoned. Occasionally wed get into it. But when my family shunned me, she really came to my side and my defense. But also blamed them and not the religion. So this has been unfolding for years. She knows some of the things I am drawn to, evolution and so on. So she is not totally ignorant to my "beliefs" but she doesn't know that I have in fact come to the conclusion its all Bull Shit.

Daniel Gender's story is probably the best delivery of explanation of exit I have read, the most palatable, and sincere. Very rational and soft, but also conclusive. That may be its best power, it quietly closes all the doors. That is what I would like to do with her.

Oubliette

It was about 12 or 13 years ago that I learned about the UN/NGO scandal. When I tried to talk to my born-in wife about it she walked about with her hands over her ears shouting, "I'm not listening to any of this."

In retrospect, I realize that is was at that exact moment that our marriage ended. I tried for years to gently, subtly get her to see the truth about "The Truth," but was never able. For half a dozen years we continued to live together, but it was only as roommates.

I tried to get my whole family out, but I couldn't.

I tried to get my children out, but I couldn't.

Eventually, I just had to get myself out because I couldn't stand to live a lie. How ironic, my "double life" was pretending to believe things I didn't believe. That was my hypocrisy.

Whenever I read about situations like the FMF's I always hope that others will be able to get their family out of this cult intact, whole and healthy. It does happen sometimes, just not very often.

This religion destroys families. It just does.

FreeMindFade, I wish you success in leaving this religion. Hopefully you'll be able to get your wife to come to her senses and wake up.

But let's not forget: It's a cult!

StrongHaiku

I look at many of the stories on this site from freemindfade and many others and I cannot imagine what you might be going through. Leaving the Organization (in whatever way), is not a trivial decision and has some real and very serious repercussions and consequences. My heart goes out to you. I can offer my empathy and support, and I can offer you one more thing. Over 25 years ago I took a stand, and I lost everything including family, friends, work, and a fiancé. I do not regret one minute.

Driving Force

Well, I tried telling my wife the TTATT, she did not want to listen and was not prepared to discuss one single item, that was about five months ago. She does not talk to me meaningfully about anything, we are separated in our own home. This is due to the toxic idea that one should not talk or discuss with an apostate. As a matter of love; I guess she shows more love to the bOrg than to me. Anyway I have to live with that and come to terms with the fact that the bOrg has destroyed our marriage.

Stealth

It is a high risk decision that only you can make and live with the outcome.

When I went full disclosure with my wife of 18 years, she stated that she will never be married to an apostate and filed for divorce the next day. I did not contest and 2 months later we were divorced.

Be prepared for the worst possible outcome before moving forward.

clarity

One good thing ....... at least you know the source of the problem.

You are not ignorant about why you are miserable & frustrated. The enemy is not your mate. You will not go on for years and finally divorce because you are so strung out from trying to make 'this religion right'. Blaming each other for being spiritually weak, for being 'lazy', for not fitting in. You do know who the enemy is!

From someone who lost so much a long time ago & didn't have a clue.

clarity

Thinking of Going Full Disclosure With Wife. Sorta

Share this