by trybalance 121 Replies latest jw friends
No, it doesn't make you heartless.
I understand what you are saying, and you are definitely welcome here.
I truly am sorry if I sounded upset, and I definitely do not want to have a bad attitude, but it does rub off from the Elders
Like I said, I have Christian love for you man!
Trybalace-I was like you a long time ago. I belive that what someone choses to put their faith in is their business, not mine. I belived that everyone should be heard and assumed a friend unless they prove to be otherwise. These people the Jehovah Witnesses, they are your friends right? So you will be bias to them. Thats OK I would be too. The way that you would understand all of the people who seem so senselessly angry here would be if your wife is babtized in the Organization and then something happens to her that makes her no longer want to be a Jehovah Witness. Then you would see the side that all of these people keep talking about. Your friends that you play ball with. Your wife would not be welcome. Chances are neither would you. You seem quite strong willed and have clear boundries. I'm sure that you could be more than enough support for your spouce. So much of this is something that you would be immune to. You are not a 16 year old teenager who's entire life has just turned on them. They implode. Often with dire consequences to the child. It is cruel and unnessesary. All people do not want to be controled. But that is what this group is about. Control. Now I know as I have crossed the path of an elder that I did not submit to. He distroyed my relations with my wifes famly. She is disfellowshipped and has been for over 10 years. These people are just plain mean to her. Now I have to be agressive at them to keep them away from my family. In honest since I have made it clear that they are not welcome around us they stay away. But why does it have to be this way. I have never done anything but love these people and I helped them any way I could. In return I was very betrayed. I don't think the facts of my story would help you understand them. Your wife is not being hurt by the ones that she loves right now. I have no doubt that you would not have done things my way. You would have said if I am not good enough for you then there are lots of other people in the world. You would be spared much of the pain that I suffered. I could have said no but to do so meant to tell my In-laws to go away. They always said that if I do that then I am no better then them. Propaganda is a powerful tool to keep people in line. Misused it can make people kill people or themselves. Jehovah Witnesses are masters at propaganda. They have earned my respect for that. It is not a complement it is a warning. So many young girls belive they are unlovable because of being "disfellowshipped" what ever "sin" they were accused of it was more of a salvation because the true sin as a Jehovah Witness is to get babtized. It would be good if they said that you had to wait until 16 or 18 to get babtized & disfellowshipped. At least then we are only dealing with adults. To due the "shunning" to anyone under 18 years of age is in my opinion child abuse. But again most of this does not seem to concern you and your life. I hope you will someday thank your friend/coworker. It is hard to talk about these things. You have to admit that you were duped. It is a major pride deflator. If you like the Jehovah Witnesses and think that they are OK there is little that matters outside that. Your wife and whomever else is in the Organization that you care about will keep you involved with them. Will you please consider one thing though. If someone is disfellowshipped that you care about and you are told that the ex-member is the antichrist or something. Will you judge for yourself. Judge them like you are being open minded for the Jehovah Witnesess. Be willing to hear all sides. Ok this is long and I am sorry. It is also my first post here and I chose to give it to you. Good luck in your life. Never give up your being willing to hear all sides. It is your best defense for many bad things beyond the WTBS.
TryBalance,
You have every right to feel the way you want and no one has the right to tell you otherwise. There are alot of us on this board that have been hurt in various ways. I know for myself I was sexually abused by more than one elder in our congeration. I think one of the things that makes it so hard for ones that leave is that we build our whole lives around the organization. When a person becomes a JW they live in a whole different world so to speak. I'm sure you have heard that JW's are a cult and I'm guessing you have researched what a cult actually is. So for alot of us being on the outside is a major change and is very difficult to adjust and then again some don't adjust. Some don't get therpay and some do. When you have lived your life so closely to what the organization requires and then you feel like that did you wrong then you feel very angery and hurt and betryed. You feel like you wasted alot of your time and engery on something that you really believed in. I know I did. I was a regular pioneer for several years was what you would call a "model JW". For many of us we were raised as JW's and it's a reality shock for us. It's a totally different world outside of the JW's. You might notice that many of us refer to being in the "Borg" thats what it was like for us. No idenity and self worth, no voice. Man when you finally get that you don't always know what to do with it. We all had a mission as a witnesse and now that we have left we still have that mission attitude. We want to warn the public of the danagers of the organization and become emotional about it. Not everyone in the organization are bad people in fact I miss many of the ones I knew. I think that is another reason we get so mad. My mother is going to dis-own me and her husband was one of the men that sexually abused me. I was the one that the congergation was going to disfellowship because I had no witnesses of the abuse. So alot of us has paid for the sins of others. Just be cautious in everything you do is the only word of advise I give people and use the god given conscience that god gave us. If you haven't done research on cults I would encourage you to do so. And I do think you have a heart otherwise you would have wanted to check all of this out. Over look the angry to a point and try to read between the lines of what people are really trying to say. You have to look at the big picture and I think thats what you are trying to do now. Well that was my 2 cents.
Kelley
To Iwasonceyoung, I would not say these people are close friends. I have different levels of friends. SOme that I share different parts of me with. Duped? I said already that I do not beleive like they do. I go with my wife. I don't know why it seems needed to repeat myself here. I told them where I stand and that is what it is. If they do not hear my words like some here don't then oh well. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I hear all the anger, the hurt and the pain. That is without question. My question was not- Can you or have you been hurt by the church? My question was Why do you feel the need to fuel the pain and anger here? Please keep my words straight. And please do not try to read between the lines. I said and asked all that I intended and nothing more.
A lot of people here need validation. You know, like others to tell them that they aren't the only ones who feel or think certain things or ways about the wt. Others to agree w them that, yes they were treated very unfairly. Yes, the wt did hypocritically go against it's own rules in it's treatment of them. Etc. They need to hear this over and over again.
I kinda like the attitude you take to your own situation.
SS
Kelly that is a sad story. I am very sorry to here about this. Please do not think that I am belittling anyones pain over things here. I am just trying to understand whyone would choose to dwell on this and fule it. It seem to my, just my thought, that I would seek professional help (I do believe that therapy is good) instead of going on and on and fueling this thing. I would want to move on and have a life and happiness. My point here has been Why keep fueling it? Dont you guys want to be happy and have a life? You can't change the past or other peoples hearts. All you can change is yourself. And by changing youself you can maybe get others attention in a good way. People are not normally attracted to people that are constantly dwelling on the uglies of life. Like I said. I am not judging I am just really trying to come to grips with why people would want to keep this fueling thing going.
Try-go back and read it again. I said you seem to have clear boundries. As you showed me in the post. I said that for your coworker, (That means someone who has experinced the other side) someone who has been hurt has to first deal with being hurt. Then they have to face all the hurt that they have doled out. Then after that they try to talk to someone like you. Sometimes they come off heated. It is a mistake. It makes you defensive. I know because like you I did then and do now think for my self. And, if someone tries to think for me it ticks me off and I tell them so. I see nothing wrong with that. You asked why the anger. I am talking to you about it. Not telling you this or that is not jw101. I just tried to show you some of my pitfalls. Things that I did not see or know of 10 years ago. Things that I wish someone had said to me. That's all. I am not trying to sway you at all. You need no sword with me.
Let me try and ask my quesiton another way. Say I had a horrible thing happen in my life. Lost all my family to religion or whatever. So I start having a hard time dealing with it. I find that I thnk about it all the time. I start going to a bar and crying about it. Me and my bar friends start meeting at happy hour every night and talking about how awful our pain is. We all start bringing newspaper clippings and sharing them about the subject. We rehash the awful thing over and over every night. We pick this thing apart to no end. Every day someone brings to the bar another horror story. I keep staying pissed and my love of life just drifts away because I cant get this thing out of my mind. I keep putting it in my face every day and I hang out with people that enjoy putting it in my face and keep reminding me about my pain. Why would I do that?
Validation.
Satan how much validation does one need? And isnt a need that great for that much validation an indication of insecurity? Why would'nt you not rather get professional help to help you move on instead of hanging out with people that just fuel the anger?
Edited by - trybalance on 14 October 2002 3:46:51
