Hi

by trybalance 121 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  reubenfine

  Welcome to the board and your thoughtful comments. My two cents............I think one reason this place is popular, among many others, is that many that were raised in the borg, myself for one, were not allowed to live our lives as we chose. We were told as kids how to think, what to think, what to do, didn't have freedom of information and freedom of thought was offically outlawed. On top of that, we were soooooo different, going out door knocking, can't stand for the pledge of allegiance, can't go to proms, etc., etc. We weren't as balanced as you and weren't allowed to choose. I think you have a pretty balanced viewpoint on things.

  When we got out, for the first time in our lives we could be ourselves. We can post ANYTHING we want here without the threat of repercussions. It's really quite refreshing when you haven't ever been in that position. Just imagine the threat of being shunned because you state an opinion.

  Very few people understand us. This is one place in the world where we can find others that have had similar experiences and we can get understanding. Our opinions actually matter here, unlike at the Kingdom Hall.

  I agree, you can't let hate eat you up. We love the brainwashed people that are still in, but despise an organization, (yes, people in the world headquarters), that manipulate and lie to control our loved ones. I think you might hate me if I lied to your wife and had her in my control and manipulated her. It would be her stupid choice, but I would be manipulating her. Would you still go out for a beer with me?

  OK, maybe that was more than 2 cents worth. Best regards!
• 

  Granny Linda

  Welcome.

  And so it is with many things in life...you ain't always gonna understand someone else.

  You love your wife...would attend any church she wanted you to. You don't agree with the teachings, but find it an ok place to sit. You even get some healthy socialization from said association because they are accepting of who you are, etc.

  You've stated over and over and over how you just don't/can't understand us...let me ask you a question, please. How do you sit comfortably with a group of people that while on the one hand are decent, loving and caring people; that can turn ice cold on command? Your "attitude" just doesn't make sense to me because as already stated, you have never officially been a "membe." So, how do you reconsile association with those who are capable of such harmful, hypocritical, hateful, judgmental attitudes?

  I don't get it...is your mind not searching something while you sit and listen to lies? Or, is that to strong a word? Why don't you swallow "it all" hook, line and sinker? eh. And then continue stating how you just don't get some of the "attitude" you see around here.

  Trybalance, I'll never understand people like you. So guess we're pretty squared on that one.

  Cheers,

  Granny
• 

  pettygrudger

  Try - its obvious you were never indoctrinated into a cult. I understand your points, and they make sense, but alot of the "issues" are based on subconscious parts of the brain that just "don't go away" because you want them too.

  Actually, I like to think that I'm a pretty happy person now. I was raised in that cult, and have horrific experiences that although not caused by this org., the way their policy's doctrines etc. still had a major role to play in why I wasn't given the help I needed. My parents couldn't do "the right thing" either, as my mother was as indoctrinated as I. I am 33 years old & still have nightmares according to my husband (I never remember). Do I consciously let these old "scars" control the way I act in my life? No.

  But, I do not wish any child to suffer either through the policy/doctrines of this religion as I and many others did.

  Why am I here? Because I found people like me, people raised/enveloped into a cult who know/experienced life such as I did. Most people do that, even you I think. Some here have "tiffs", some here are "negative", some are "positive", in fact you won't find a more rounded group of people anywhere. This is a good thing isn't it?

  You say that we should all "let it go", and if you've read the different threads, its obvious that many have. They also wish to assist others in the same process.

  P.S. You are appearing quite condenscending yourself. I don't appreciate your last comments to "mouthy". She is a very sweet woman who has suffered much because of the policy/doctrines of this religion. She has found much comfort & love here, and surrogate children & grandchildren who here adore her as much. For you to say what you did to her is wrong imho. Who says she isn't over it? Perhaps she would just like some company with others who may understand her thoughts & feelings.
• 

  mouthy

  Try balance. I dont think you read my page. I am not angry....I will spend my life helping JWs

  At my age I cannot do the things I wish I had done rather than preach a false gospel.

  I dont expect you to understand. Its like Alcholics? do you understand why they drink to excess? Dophines? why the take dope? sex addicts? why they must have it every day or hour?

  Liars ?why they are compulsary liars? I could go on an on. But suffice is to say. A Surgeon takes years to learn how to cut someone up & help "put the body" right.

  I spent years in a very clever organization - teaching a person to "follow me" We have the truth.

  Now I just want to cuddle the poor soul who finds out it wasnt the truth,it isnt the truth & Yes they will love bomb you. Go for it trybalance........!!!!! Peace be with you in your journey......
• 

  reubenfine

  mouthy, you are just tooooooo cool! Will you be my grandma?
• 

  Shakita

  trybalance:

  There is a saying, "Don't judge me before you have walked a mile in my shoes."

  My husband became a JW before I. For 10 years I lived the life you are living now. The JW's are very loving to those who are the "unbelieving mate". Don't misunderstand me. We had many good friends who were JW's. Some very good memories. Outings, dinners, etc. I understand where you are now. I was there too.

  After becoming interested in learning more about what I was hearing at the kingdom hall, I seeked out a bible study with one of the sisters in the hall. Our relationship grew, and I cared for her and her extended family very much. Since I did not have a relationship with my own family, this family became my own. At least this is what I felt. To make a long story short, I was baptized, had more children and raised them as witnesses.

  I speak from experience here. If you never become a JW, you will have problems in your marriage because of the JW ideals put upon your wife to be the perfect witness. If you do become a JW like I did, you will still have problems in your marriage because you cannot live up the JW idea of the perfect marriage.

  You my dear trybalance, are being lovebombed. If you like it fine. But, be aware that if you ever try to leave the JW organization after you are baptized, they will try to ruin your life.

  YOU NEED TO ASK MORE INDEPTH QUESTIONS ABOUT MARKING, SHUNNING, DISFELLOWSHIPPING, DEAD BABIES AND THE BLOOD ISSUE, THE UN ISSUE, HOLIDAYS, ETC. If you do, you can then make an informed decision. I did not ask these questions, and regret it to this day.

  I wish you and your wife well. But please don't live life with blinders on.

  Mrs. Shakita
• 

  pomegranate

  I go to the kingdom hall, dont believe the stuff

  I call trybalance a grade "A" no questions asked HIGH FLYING HYPOCRITE by his own admission.
• 

  mouthy

  I announce to all on board --I Grace Gough has this day of Oct 14 th 2002-- have adopted Reubfine

  ( what ever his/her last name is) My adopted what ever he /she is

  In Christ their is no male or female. I have trouble knowing what sex you all are. lol

  Welcome to my family- ((((hug)))
• 

  CC Ryder

  Welcome to the board Trybalance. I can't add too much more that wasn't already stated perfectly. Just wanted to say welcome and stick around, your posts are good ones. I look forward to reading more of them.

  I will add this however. If you decide to become a baptized witness and later on down the road want to leave you will be in for alot of emotional pain and hurt that alot of us are experiencing due to shunning and selective conditional love. My wife posts here as Tinkerbell. She and I were forced to DA because we would not go to a JC meeting. I had previously discussed our cicumstances with the elders and asked for time to help Tink with her depression from losing her father to suicide and her mother battling cancer. Their answer in short was "to get over it" and let them, not "worldly professionals" help us. Tink has three brothers who were baptized, one DF'ed two faded out gradually, but they celibrate holidays, smoke, and are living life the way they see fit. They are all great guy's. The rest of the family that are active witnesses will still talk to them and have some limited association with them. Tink and I, however, have been totally shunned and no longer have any contact whatsoever with these other siblings. It is inconsistant behavour and selective shunning, hypocritical!

  It hurts. Coming here to share in similar experiences helps heal the pain. I hope you never have to personnaly go thru this.

  CC
• 

  undercover

  Hi trybalance,

  I know several people like you, who come to the hall with their families but never become a JW. They are usually some of the most normal, well-adjusted people you will meet. A lot of JWs are fanatical. A lot are on the fringe(cause they have family in and they don't wanna lose that relationship) and some(but not the majority) are just normal folks who think their religion is right. You are fortunate that you have not been indoctrinated into their belief system. You have a strong will and can think for yourself. That's not to say that your wife doesn't but somewhere along the way she felt something missing(spritually speaking) and the JWs came along at the right time.

  My father never was a JW. But he allowed my mother to raise us kids as JWs. He came to meetings once in a while and he came to the picnics. The friends all liked him and fortunately they never pressured him. The fact that he was good to his wife and kids was good enough for them, I guess(that and he allowed her to contribute freely). He was so much more objective and reasonable in his reasonings, debates or arguments than any witness I ever met. He wasn't smarter. He just wasn't brainwashed.

  For those of us who went thru the awakening(no pun intended), the denial, the mental anguish of realizing that you have lived your whole life on a belief that is not true and trying to cope with that new knowledge causes different reactions. Some are angry, some are hurt and depressed and some are just plain relieved. I personally am not angry, but I see many here who are. I don't think that the anger helps the exJW cause any. I came to this board to learn more about what had been hidden from me my whole life. And I hope that as I come to grips with these issues, I will not need to come here to convince myself that I am doing the right thing or to bash others who choose to be a JW or complain about what the JWs do, but move on with my life and let go of the bad things of the past.

  You are a reasonable, intelligent person who allows his wife her freedom to worship as she chooses, and who is content with himself. You are obviously secure in your relationship with her and in your place in life. For that you can be thankful. For many here the rug has been pulled out from under them.