by joelbear 85 Replies latest jw friends
Out of the borg hit the nail on the head. Im ANGRY, angry at being bullied. I grew up being bullied. and people in my life are bullying me and its makeing me mad.
I have always turned anger into blaming myself, talk well by my parents and the witnesses.
I am going to be okay.
I feel much better
peace
Joel
Hi, joelbear. I'm glad you feel better. It the sh*t starts piling up, come on back. BTW, my e-mail is open. I don't have answers but I can empathize.
Blondie
Joelbear...................... where do I begin to comfort you? I think I know about this dark place you are in. I have been there but never really wanted to go,,,,,,,,,, I just wanted to get away from the pain, just to sleep peacefully and not wake up to the mess my life has sometimes been in.
I have always had my husband and children to bring me back to reality when things seemed to be too much.
My mother committed suicide when I was 18 and there were other cries for help she did before that.
It broke my heart, it broke my spirt, and 18 yrs later,,,,,,,,, I still hurt for her. I hurt that I didnt understand her, that I still don't know what was the final straw for her.
I could write a book on all the possible reasons she did it, but still I have seen her pull thru such other ups and downs in life, why did she just end it all the way she did.
She was stuck in an awful marriage, and awful religion that thru her away because she smoked a cig, and was alone for the first time in her life at age 35, she was with my dad when she was 14.
She over the years turned into a shell of a person and I guess she lost the will to live. She was put in hospitals time after time, and medications, but never stuck to anything.
If only she could have found a real doctor, and stayed with him/her to talk to. She would get better and think she could do it on her own. I think people who are so depressed so often need to stay on the medications and therapy. Some kind of therapy anyway. Don't isolate yourself.
But Joel, from the way you are sounding, you need to get yourself somewhere , to a hospital and get the rest that your mind is needing. There are so many medications that can help you right now until others kick in and work. There is counseling there and others who are in the same position you are. If I were your sister Joel, I would take you myself. I often think if only I would have seen the signs of a severe depression in my mom the last time I saw her alive,,,,,,,, would I have saved her life by taking her back to the hospital? I will never have that chance to help her again. I just didnt see it that last time.
God, I miss her in my life , Joel........ but I know she was in pain. I don't hate her anymore for what she did........I think if she could see life on the outside of the borg,,,,,,,,,maybe she could have been happy. She never had the freedom of choice like I do . She died belieiving that "the truth" was the truth and that she sinned against God. I hope she is in heaven somewhere and sees that she was wrong, and is happy up there,,,,,,,,, not missing the moments in my life, I wanted her so badly to see. I hope she regrets her short time on earth and I hope know she sees there can be beauty in life, even with the ups and downs.
Joel, hang on............... go to the doctor and get some help ,,,, the relief might not be immediate, those meds take some times to kick in, but hold on until they do.. then maybe you can see a little bit of the light again.
Wishing you the best ,Joel,,,,,,,,,,,,,, hugs, dede
joelbear,,,,,i can understand where you are coming from.. had it not been for 1 person i would be dead now....you really need to get to a doctor....the RIGHT medication will help you alot mentally...
the medication,,,,though it sounds pathetic,,like you said,,pop a pill and smile.....it just doesn't work like that....and the fact that you stated you are feeling better for the moment does not change things....
make yourself,,,call a clinic today....ask for the doctors nurse....tell her everything, how you have been feeling and how you are feeling now,,,and what your day has been like...
don't hold back joelbear....be honest,,and matter of fact....they will take it from there...just do it joelbear,,,,,PLEASE......or call any hot line or hospital......it really does make a difference...
don't let it go joel......you really need to call some one...i am really worried for you..and i do so understand.....completely.....
joel,,,it is ok to feel that way,,,,but it is not ok to refuse help....try,,,it will not hurt you...
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( joelbear ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
here is a hotline number you can call....1-800-282-5005 this will probably not be in your area but it will give you some great assistance,,,,,,please call them joel...please!
hugs and understanding,,,,and.....more hugs and understanding....and more hugs and
understanding,,,,and lots of cyber love being sent ......
Mulan, I didn't mean for my post to sound like I was attacking you. I just wanted you to realize what your posted sounded like to me. So many times I have been shamed because of what my dad did. People telling me to *get over it*. People telling me not to bring it up because it will make people uncomfortable. People saying he's going to hell because of what he did. I realize this is a touchie subject and maybe I'm alittle sensitive when it comes to this subject.
I'm sorry for blasting you. Forgive me?
Joel, I'm glad you're feeling better. I'm glad that you came here and reached out to us. The borg. has done a number on all of us. I know it played a part in my dad's suicide. We can't let those bastards win!
I've had many moments of what I call a *dark time*, but the one thing that I have learned, is that it always passes. Things always change and even though this may be a tough period, there will be better days. Find a specialist to talk to about what you're dealing with. Get out of the house, even if it's to take a short walk. It does help. Be kind to yourself and never forget you have friends that love you very much here, k?
Tinkerbell..........no problem. I tried to send you an email too, but your email addy is wrong.
Hi Joel - I have enjoyed reading many of your posts over the past year I have been on the board. This one scared the be-je#$% out of me. Please tell me you are being honest about feeling better now!
The fact that you are posting your feelings is good. I know from personal experience (our daughter) that when people completely withdraw and hide what they are going through terrible things can happen. If you ever want to talk, my email is open too. Sabine (wife) and I wish you only good things.
Finally, I thought I would share one of my favorite songs by John Popper, of Blues Traveler. The song is called "Just Wait".
Just WaitMusic & Lyrics: John Popper
If ever you are feeling like you're tired
And all your uphill struggles leave you headed downhill
If you realize your wildest dreams can hurt you
And your appetite for pain has drinken its fill
I ask of you a very simple question
Did you think for one minute that you are alone
And is your suffering a privilege you share only
Or did you think that everybody else feels completely at home
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
If you think I've given up on you you're crazy
And if you think I don't love you well then you're just wrong
In time you just might take to feeling better
Time is the beauty of the road being long
I know that now you feel no consolation
But maybe if I told you and informed you out loud
I say this without fear of hesitation
I can honestly tell you that you make me proud
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
If anything I might have just said has helped you
If anything I might have just said helped you just carry on
Your rise uphill may no longer seem a struggle
And your appetite for pain may all but be gone
I hope for you and cannot stop at hoping
Until that smile has once again returned to your face
There's no such thing as a failure who keeps trying
Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
All best,
Mak
Mak, I knew you would respond on this one. Thanks. Joel is a sweet guy.
Thanks Mulan! I'll go back and fix my email.
Mulan, fixed it!
Again, I'm sorry.
